Friday, 21 April 2017

Day 672 - Concept of time

I have been starting work earlier than usual/the earliest I have ever started work – on a consistent level at least (a week thus far). The first day I struggled in the morning, I was feeling very tired, struggled to get myself together/ready etc to leave my house to go to work. But the night before this, I was REALLY, all I was thinking was “Uhh, waking up at 4 am, what a draaaaaag, this is gonna fucking suck!” And obviously that really did not assist when I then needed to wake up practically. So these thoughts that I allowed to come up within me, I allowed them also to take a toll upon me physically where I just was not looking forward to waking up at all so early and when I did, it was an accumulation of the thoughts from the night before – whereas, as I realised the night after, when I don’t have these thoughts about waking up early and it’s going to be a drag and suck etc, I wake up feeling fine, not tired, ready to start my day.

So this second morning as I said, I felt ready to start my day because I was not tired, I was not dreary etc. And what I found funny was that also because I wasn’t concerned with the time at all, I didn’t even REALISE it was 4 am/4:30 am etc as I was also getting ready/eating etc. It could have been 10 am, as I was feeling refreshed etc, so it was very cool and here is just another example of how the thoughts can affect. So my thoughts and worries of struggling to wake up/feeling tired/waking up so early etc as well as thinking about the time specifically as if it was a ‘weird’ time to wake up or an unpleasant time..or simply a time where all should be sleeping lol – I saw it very interesting that these thoughts/concerns within my mind just had no meaning anymore.

And the rest of the week was the same. Didn’t matter what the time was, and it doesn’t matter what the time is, it only matters about my starting point/what I do/who/what I am. And yes I see that goes hand in hand with the thinking pattern of struggling to wake up/believing I’ll be tired too. Time is just time. Just as age is just age. Numbers are just numbers lol, but if we define them by/as something else, then we’ll struggle, that’s what I’ve realised here and generally within my process.

Wednesday, 19 April 2017

Day 671 - My consumes and don’t consumes.. part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to compromise my body in any way, shape or form through consumption.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my eating will be ‘boring’ without as much variation as I used to have as basically eating anything that I wanted.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that while variety as consumption is important, does not mean I can’t do it at all (as I’m believing) within my mind now that I am only consuming food/drinks that suit my physical body.

So I commit myself to consume only what works for my body. I commit myself to change it up though often/regularly as the differences so that I can experience different textures/flavours and such through food that DO work for me.

I commit myself to understand that a variety of food with different ingredients, obviously that work for my body, is the best way to go always, so here I see, realise and understand that I can’t just eat 1 or 2 different types of foods/drinks and such for my life – I must still get all the variety of healthy stuff that still works for my own body.

I commit myself though to continue trying new foods/drinks and so to not be fearful of consequences on my body, but here to also use what I know of that works/doesn’t work for my body and what is involved etc to make a best decision for myself.

Tuesday, 18 April 2017

Day 670 - My consumes and don’t consumes..

For a while I’ve been uh..I suppose been indecisive about this. Very indecisive. That’s a point I’ve worked on generally, to NOT be indecisive and to make clear cut decisions instead. When it comes to consumption though, I’m unsure....

Like, I know what does/does not work for my body. But then the thought that crosses my mind is “Okay, this is not compatible with my body..BUT, in THIS AMOUNT, it won’t hurt, right?” And that is..possibly true lol, yet, I’d rather not ‘risk’ it. These foods and such that I speak of, NOT MUCH of any of them do I require to feel the effects, so, and I did point this out to myself not long ago, even if I have a small amount of something and ‘feel no adverse effects’ – doesn’t mean it’s not damaging me somehow, even in the slightest bit.

Okay this is shedding light upon this for me now. I have been careless with this. For example, what I’ve noticed is fruits, at least the ones I’ve tried, the more sweet-kind, they affect me. They give me stomach aches and I can get dizzy. And I have been eating a such sweet fruit in SMALL-ISH amounts, but, and I’m sure it HAS been affecting me, even if minimally/almost..invisibly lol.

So I see simply that I can, well yes, keep it SIMPLE, if it works, it works, if not, it doesn’t. As opposed to some of this..a bit of that...none of that......some of this..and a bit more of this? Whereas lol, I’m more treating my body like an experiment – when in reality I know what does and does not work, and I’d rather just avoid it totally if it won’t work.

Something I did fear in relation to this is when going to another’s house and for example dinner is served lol. So, here, it’s to either advise beforehand to see if some arrangement can be made...that for example suits my body, or, to eat beforehand/bring my own food, and well, I’m just not accustomed to this yet ha. I haven’t even tried it, but I will be. I won’t sacrifice my body in order to eat whatever is served, ignoring the effects of it upon my body which impact negatively, just NO! I mean, I have seen that my body is quite sensitive. In fact, this could be a matter of simply getting a much better grip/handle on my physical body whereas I’m more in tune with it so am more aware. Lol, I Mean yes definitely in fact, I would have been consuming this and that and just ignoring the effects upon my body in the past, BECAUSE IT TASTES NICE. I would have sacrificed..gladly lol.

More to come.


Sunday, 16 April 2017

Day 669 - Independent redefine part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through my desire to be independent, not include others and so within my mind I believe that this is a good thing for me because I can only trust myself, but in reality I am limiting myself by not including others in something/the decision/path etc – so here I commit myself to look at the moment and identify when in fact I CAN include others so that I can learn more, grow more and make the moment in fact easier with others involved as opposed to just desiring to do it all myself which can in fact become a burden which I know I will regret further down the line all because I wanted to be able to do it all myself and because of my lack of trust at all in others.

I commit myself to share the workload as example so that I do not detriment my physical body and within this I see that I’m doing what’s best for all in sharing a moment, sharing actions, sharing paths which involves others and in fact learning much more and creating much more with others involved.

Independent redefinition is:

To be self-honest with what I can take on or NOT. To know my capabilities/limits at that given moment and to thus act accordingly whether others are involved or not.

Saturday, 15 April 2017

Day 668 - Independent redefine

I’ve looked at this word before, but never redefined it for myself, so see this as the next step since I’ve not been 100% able with this word effectively/equally.

My current allocation of this word is strength, not requiring others, doing it all by myself, being my own person.

The current definitions are “free from outside control; not subject to another's authority, not depending on another for livelihood or subsistence, not influenced by others; impartial, capable of thinking or acting for oneself, not depending on something else for strength or effectiveness; free-standing.”

So I do see in relation to the current definitions, that my current allocation is very much in like with these definitions. For me also, there is this trust factor, where I believe I can only trust myself. Now, GENERALLY I can only trust myself, but when it comes to certain matters and such, I have to be able to put my trust in others. For example, I see a lot that I do not want to put any trust in others, even over something small, like a small matter where I am just lacking any trust whatsoever in another.

So I see it appropriate to trust to an extent at least, and dependent on the matter/who is involved, how well I know them, and then to combine all of these reasonings to come to a decision. Furthermore, I see that this strong desire to be independent with ALL that I do is very limiting, where I am not able to grow/learn as much if I had for example involved others.

So also here, I see nothing wrong with independence in itself. As I said, GENERALLY speaking, I can only trust myself, I can trust myself to live, to do what is best for all, to be kind, to be generous, to treat others as I’d like to be treated, to give, take and share..etc. But it is not effective living if it is done FULLY and without including others.

To be continued.

Day 667 - Too DIRECT with the Equality and Oneness message

So I have seen that this is not the way. Being upfront necessarily right off the bat is not the way. Being too direct is not the way. Talking in detail is not the way. I see how I’ve at times attempted to PUSH this DIRECT message/the words onto others by basically just showing that this is what I’m into, but in this, I’ve scared off people/made them resist. This has been a huge learning curve for me, like how to approach/speak of this/general things within LIMITS.

I’ve at times NOT had these limits and so people resist because there is no SUBTLETY. This is vital I see, subtlety in the message, and obviously within this I would say the best thing to do is to always be SUBTLE, and expand YES OR NO on how the other reacts, go from there, because each will hear the message differently. If they seem interested, share slowly, if they DON’T seem interested, STOP SHARING lol, if they seem very interested, still slowly I’d say. So either yes/slowly or no/NONE lol.

And my life doesn’t revolve around equality and oneness. It only does in who I am as a person/how I treat others/what I say. So it is not about these 2 words: Equality and Oneness – which people CAN and from what I’ve seen a lot do, RESIST. So it’s to simply LIVE these principles without speaking of them DIRECTLY which I see is a great way to do this/initiate things, relationships etc. And for example, once that bond has risen, THEN can slowly bring it up, here and there, then can perhaps mention these words and principles: EQUALITY AND ONENESS.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be TOO direct/upfront within the sharing of the messages/principles and using the terms EQUALITY AND ONENESS from the start which can be resisted often from the mind’s of humans, so I see, realise and understand that it is in fact best to NOT mention these words/terms/principles and more to just SHOW, as I do in LIVING these principles/terms/words of equality and oneness and then LATER ON sharing the terms/principles/words of equality and oneness slowly but surely as the message/principles and then from there going or not going based on how the individual reacts.

I commit myself to be slow, subtle with the mentioning of the principles equality and oneness and for example what it is I do, how I do it, who is involved etc, and to perhaps NOT EVEN go this far, because it again, depends on the person I’m speaking to of these and if they even show an interest, it could in fact be that I NEVER bring this up, I Must be AWARE of the individual, what they say/do/how they speak/what they speak...etc, and breathe to see how much, if anything I do say about these principles and things and what it is I do and why, about the group: Desteni and such.

I commit myself to always be SUBTLE in my explaining/sharing of Desteni, the message, the principles of Equality and Oneness: basically ALL associated with Desteni, because I must know what I am dealing with, the MIND, and so the likelihood of REJECTION and RESISTANCE is HIGH on the radar...and so I use subtlety, I use patience, calm, slow down, recognise what is happening in another to see what I do/do not share/how much I do/do not share etc.

Thursday, 13 April 2017

Day 666 - Belonging here

All that EXISTS DOES belong here. When I say all that exists, this is from the perspective of humans, of animals, of computers, of internet, of furniture, of housing, of aid, of bedding and so on. So not speaking of the abuse, the hate, the violence, that is all just a symptom of the mind. But all is all is what we are as physical. Thus, none are bad, evil..none are good, great..positive – all are the same/equal and there is never an excuse to blame or to hate, nothing is solved by blame or hate, and all is solved by self-change, self-honesty, walking a process of getting back to the physical and all we ever it should be.

What I find funny and am realising, because with me..I’ve felt within this process that I do not belong. And one reason for that is because I see that I am ‘different’ from others in terms of how I live, what I do, what I want in life, what I want in others, in the world as what is best for all, and so because this is quite different from what the average human for example wants, I see it as ‘not fitting in’ – but each and society, the world is a reflection of the mind, so no, of course I don’t want to fit in WITH THAT, so if I see this same reasoning as not fitting in from this new perspective, then I do NOT want to fit least not with what currently exists – but generally, of course I Fit in, because I am here, as everything is.