Sunday, 10 August 2014
Day 254 - Judging myself - my photo, I look high..
Lol, so I took this one photo while I was in my car today. Usually I'd delete it on the spot because I didn't particularly like this photo, but I'm showing it here to get over these limitations within my appearance.
So, I took this photo, and my first thought was "FUCK, I look high (on drugs)". Now, I never thought about myself UNTIL..when I was in secondary college, I used to hang out with a certain group of friends, where one 'friend' back then, he constantly mocked me I look "High.", Saying that I looked drugged up and so on, even though I have never taken drugs in my life, I've only drank alcohol, but even back then at the time, I had maybe only had a few drinks - which still warranted the "You look high." joke.
So here is my 'high' photo, lol.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by a memory within myself of someone calling me 'high'.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to regress to the memory of being called 'high' by someone, every time I view a photo of myself.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to burden myself from the original point within my mind - that I look 'high' just because someone proclaimed this.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus feel embarrassed, shy about the way that I look, and feeling nervous, scared, at how people will judge my face, my apparent 'high-looking' face.
When and as I see myself hanging onto this memory of when someone called me 'high' constantly, I stop and breathe. I realise that at the time, and even to this day (hence the reaction/photo-reaction), I've accepted and allowed myself to be burdened by this memory of being called 'high' and I have therefore allowed it to dictate how I am around others/how I feel when I show people photos of myself/how I feel when others see photos of myself.
I commit myself to LET GO of this memory of someone called me 'high'.
I commit myself to NOT be stuck in the past, and therefore STUCK in a memory within my past which I've accepted and allowed to dictate/control my being as I am here, in the present.
I commit myself to take myself/my photos/appearance for what it is, since it's what I was born with.
I commit myself to thus NOT judge photos of myself as looking 'high' everytime I see photos of myself. I realise that I'm allowing inner-mind thoughts, backchats to tell me that I look HIGH, and that I don't there look 'right' or 'correct'.
I commit myself to MOVE ON from this memory in which I've lived by - I commit myself to STOP in the moment that these conscious mind thoughts overwhelm me when seeing a photo of myself and judging it as looking 'high'. I realise that I only allow these judgements because I've constantly hung on to a memory of being called 'high' when I was younger, and I allowed that to overcome me.