Thursday, 25 September 2014
Day 297 - Symmetry, alignment
I've noticed this pattern take place within myself throughout my life, where I like things to be symmetrical/aligned. The most recent occurrence of this obsession with symmetry/alignment has come in the form of what I am looking at right now, my laptop screen. Basically, I've noticed myself becoming agitated and frustrated if I'm not positioned squarely in the centre of facing towards my laptop. So, I want to be PERFECTLY centred when facing my laptop, otherwise I feel 'off balance'.
Actually, yeah, this is more strictly about alignment, wanting to be perfectly aligned, less so about symmetry, because my keyboard/screen are not symmetrical in the sense that there are different buttons on each side of the laptop and so on. ANYWAY..so that is it. What I usually try to do is centre myself where the camera is on my laptop. The camera is situated right in the centre of my laptop, so, I assume that if I'm centred with that, then I'm centred with my laptop generally. Actually, right now I'm leaning slightly to the left of that camera, so I'm not 'centred', lol. But that is why I'm writing now, to get over this obsessive point within alignment, because it's not affecting the way I type, it's not affecting anything.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feel the need to align my eyes perfectly within the centre and towards the centre of my laptop.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate within backchats that I must be perfectly aligned in facing my laptop, otherwise my writings will be affected.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand, that if I'm comfortable physically with my laptop within typing/looking at the screen, then there is no reason for me to alter my alignment, realising that the only reason to then alter my alignment would be to satisfy my mind.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to align myself and move myself physically to satisfy my mind, even though I was/were physically comfortable when facing my laptop/my position.
When and as I see myself looking at my camera on my laptop and thinking to myself that a re-alignment is in need, I stop and breathe. I realise that had I physically NOT been comfortable/facing my laptop in a way that provided me with optimum positioning, then I would have physically moved my body automatically - within this, I realise that I'm only participating within my mind when I therefore feel the need to alter my positioning.
I commit myself to see, realise and understand that I would have physically moved myself one way or the other if I were truly not comfortable with my environment/positioning in terms of facing my laptop/being comfortable when using my laptop.
I commit myself to not participate within the backchats of my mind that tell me that being not aligned perfectly straight and centred with my laptop will cause me to not write as well, or not do whatever I am doing on my laptop as well as I could be had I been perfectly aligned with my laptop screen.