Thursday, 2 October 2014

Day 302 - Reliance on means of entertainment part 2


I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go 'crazy' when choosing what videos/music I should 'have' in my possession and within this, obsessing over the point, because of my fears of being 'bored' when and if I have no internet privileges, brought upon through my accepted and allowed participation within a memory of when I was alone at my father's house without internet privileges. Within this, I realise that just using the word 'privileges' when describing my use of the internet is me seeing the internet as the best thing since sliced bread - within this, I realise that being without internet access for a few days, weeks, months, will NOT kill me. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be so reliant on internet access within my life.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see the solely 'physical' things I can do within my life, such as walking, running, going to places within my physical body, interacting with others within my physical body - I therefore forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to only see 'entertainment' as watching videos/listening to music and browsing the internet.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate within the belief that entertainment purposes in the form of videos/music are mandatory/necessary for myself as life - I realise that videos/music are only but ONE form of entertainment in which I can choose to use, or not. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to limit myself in terms of what I can do for 'fun' and for 'entertainment' by only seeing watching videos and listening to music as my only options.

I commit myself to realise that no amount of video watching/music listening will change me to what is best for all life. I commit myself to casually watch videos/listen to music in which I 'enjoy', but not to the extent in which I allow myself to obsess over the point/the videos/music in my possession, as that is giving myself over to my mind.

When and as I see myself obsessing over my options in terms of entertainment purposes within what videos/music to have stored on my laptop/external hard drive, I stop and breathe. I realise that no matter WHAT videos/music is stored on my laptop/external hard drive, they are but ONE form of entertainment, within this, realising that they do not shape me in my life whatsoever, UNLESS I actually allow them to, in reality - I commit myself to therefore see, realise and understand WHAT/WHICH utensils/tools DO change me for what is best for all life/shape my life, those utensils/tools being WRITING within self-forgiveness/commitment statements - I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to see videos/music as more than what they actually are, and I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to see videos/music as life-changing options.

I commit myself to not participate within the memory of being alone at my father's house without internet access.

I commit myself to not participate within the fear of having no means of entertainment other than videos/music to look at/listen to - I commit myself to not limit my options in terms of entertainment/things to do by videos/music ONLY.

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