Saturday, 4 October 2014
Day 305 - Destonian level, part 2
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to burden myself with expectations in which I created within myself through participation with my mind, where I read that I had to 'be' a certain person to 'please' the person that I was talking to via phone.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate within the memory of feeling the need to meet expectations and meet 'Destonian expectations' when talking to the person via phone - all because of the first memory which I created and thus participated in, that I was not 'good enough' to communicate with this person unless I studied Desteni material thoroughly/enough to reach this person's level of Desteni knowledge.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be the 'person pleaser' whereas I feel the need to now say the 'right' things, otherwise fearing that I'll get 'pushed away' and 'hated'. Within this, I see, realise and understand that there is no 'rush' to learn Desteni information/get to a certain point within my journey to life - I realise that I, just as others, are going at their OWN pace within their journey's, and that I therefore do NOT need to feel the need to 'get' to a certain level to communicate 'effectively' with another Destonian.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself through the thinking that I'm 'not good enough' to communicate effectively with one Destonian, then relate that to ALL Destonians whereas I see myself as irrelevant and 'not good enough' to communicate effectively with other Destonians/be able to assist them, as they assist me. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to see myself as 'worthless' when compared to other Destonians. I commit myself to see, realise and understand that Destonians are the same as me, and that each human/each life is the same as me - albeit with different paced journeys.
I commit myself to focus upon my own journey to life, instead of comparing myself with other's journey's to life - I commit myself to see, realise and understand the universal support in which I've received from all Destonians - and within this, realise that they do NOT look down on me as a person in any way, shape or form, they see me as their equal, as I see them - and they assist me without strings attached.
I commit myself to not blame myself for another's apparent views towards me of what I should be to them/how I should act towards them - to thus realise that I need only to look at how I react to others/how I am to others - within this, realising that how another reacts to me/acts towards me is in regards to THEIR journey to life/them, not me.
When and as I see myself speaking to this person via phone/via any form of communication, and not speaking 'naturally' within self-honesty, I stop and breathe. I realise that speaking within self-honesty is key, and that placing myself in 'other' personalities such as the 'person pleaser' is a lie, since I'm not a 'person pleaser'. Realising within that, that I'm lying to myself and the person I'm speaking to - since it's all an act.
When and as I see myself fearing how I should communicate to this person in any way, shape or form, based on a memory which I formed, thus participated in when talking to this person, I stop and breathe. I realise THAT was the past, and that I was still 'new' to Desteni back then - thus now I've researched, thus changed a lot, therefore understand how to 'deal' with things - I therefore commit myself to not hang onto that memory of being 'not good enough' in regards to another Destonian, and to live within the present/my present journey and see this Destonian as equal to me - within this, realising that them not seeing me as their equal/them seeing me in whatever way, realising that is NOT my decision - it is THEIR decision, therefore not my responsibility to change myself as to 'meet' their standards if they have any - thus I commit myself to change MYSELF - and NOT change myself depending on how another sees me or wants to see me - being their 'ideal' person.
I commit myself to continue my journey to life as I have been, with the sole purpose to change MYSELF to what is BEST for ALL life.