Sunday, 5 October 2014

Day 306 - Family dynamic


I just had some interesting experiences in regards to family. I basically met up with my mother and father to tell them that I was moving away. I'm moving elsewhere to live with another Destonian. Same country, but the place is about..4-5 hours by plane. It is quite far, I know. It's interesting how it worked, though.

I saw my father first. I told him that I was moving elsewhere, and he wasn't fond of the idea at all. He especially hates the fact that I'm associated with Desteni. That can't be helped. I know that he hasn't investigated Desteni thoroughly whatsoever. He's one of those people (and let's face it - all people) that look at the 'bad' stuff. It's interesting how my family attempt to disprove Desteni by focusing exclusively on the Desteni hate websites, basically - and choose to disregard the Desteni website itself/the articles and information on the actual website. But, I can relate somewhat. Seeing the amount of hate versus one website - it's like, majority wins sort of thing.

It's a big move for me. I've never done anything like this before. I've lived in one area my whole life, and been in contact with both my parents for most of my life, apart from one or two instances where I needed a 'break' from them both and sort of went my own way. I ended up going from motel to motel, to hotel to hotel, wasted my money. I could have found a place to settle at that was much cheaper. Trial and error, though.

But, as I've spoken to this Destonian that I plan to move in with - it will be a cool experience, in terms of assisting eachother, having the same interests, same goals, same dynamic, and we'll be able to achieve an effective means of conversation - both being in our jouney's to life and everything. I look forward to it. --- my father just called me - Basically telling me that family should be priority over anything, Desteni included. He seems to think that I've put Desteni before every single thing. Granted, I've told him things about Desteni, things that I in hindsight, should not have said. I've realised that through reading others' blogs, that attempting to get family or whoever to 'understand' Desteni is an impossible task, because the mind basically rejects the information instantly. Proper research/investigation is necessary.

I mean, anything would look 'crazy' if one only read a sentence or a paragraph ONLY. I remember first being introduced to Desteni, and I was like "What the fuck does this shit mean..?" It wasn't until I continued reading articles, writing - that I 'got it'. That it made sense to me. My mind was rejecting all these new 'terms' and 'words'. So, that is very fascinating how that works. Now, instead of ignoring the words or choosing to not understand them, I either know what they mean, or I investigate the word in all ways to understand it. That is after all how we communicate with others, through words/vocabulary.

My father actually bought me a place. He bought me a house a few years back. He says that I can move in there, and after time, it'll become my place. But, there is NO doubt within myself that he bought that house for me as a means of me to be 'close' to him. I brought that up with him today, and he denied it, saying that was 'rubbish'. I beg to differ, though. I know what my father is like. The attachment is rather immense, and I only really saw it as I broke the news to him that I was leaving. He mentioned that I'm the only son he's got left. He does not want to 'lose me', basically - he doesn't want to lose me, too..that's what I understand from that statement, that I'm his only son left. Because, my brother died a long time ago.

Anyway, I have to do what's right for me/my position. Being constricted/confined to my family/my family's rules/regulations is unhealthy. I'm 23 years old now. It's interesting how my parents still see me as this child that they brought up, and that they will continue to need to 'bring up' - seemingly until I die.

I am taking matters into my own hands - let's see how this pans out..

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