Monday, 13 October 2014

Day 309 - Gender roles


I'm in the middle of moving to another house, and I got told by my housemate, a proposition to stay at my current house, instead of moving to an alternative house. I have already signed the lease to move into a different house with a friend of mine. Back to the proposition - my housemate suggested all the cool things that will befall me if I were to stay at my current house/stay at my current house with the friend that I had planned on moving to the alternative house with. I was listening to this proposition when my housemate, who is male, suggested as an 'extra', that having a female in the house (as currently it is myself and 2 other males) that it would 'benefit' the kitchen in terms of my friend being able to keep the kitchen 'clean' and 'cook nice meals'. I had an angry reaction to this. I didn't engage into arguments or anything about it, but I felt anger within myself - as I dislike the stereotype of women being good in the kitchen, and all that.

Anyway, this raised a memory within me. When I was living with my mother/stepfather, through the years, I noticed that my stepfather basically NEVER assisted with the cooking/the cleaning in the kitchen. That kitchen territory basically belonged to my mother. I grew very weary of this. And I grew a sense of resentment towards my stepfather for not assisting with the cooking/the cleaning of the kitchen - things like washing/drying the dishes. They both had jobs - so I don't see why it's the 'woman's' responsibility to partake and be the leader within the kitchen, cook the meals, clean the kitchen, wash the dishes etc.

But, within this memory and within my anger reaction/emotion to my housemate suggesting that because my friend is female, that she can be the one to cook nice meals/wash the dishes - I realise that it really is a stereotype in which we've been brainwashed to believe. That the female's responsibility is to put food on the table, to wash the dishes, and to 'please' the husband, or the family, basically. Even before discovering Desteni, I was weary of this particular stereotype - and I ended up assisting my mother in cooking/washing the dishes when I could - I always enjoyed it, though. I find cooking fun - whereas stereotypically, cooking might be seen as a chore, as well as washing the dishes. But, through discussions with my buddy/other Destonians, I realise that it depends how I APPROACH the cooking, how I approach the washing of dishes. Being in the mindset of it being a chore is utterly pointless, instead, to realise it's assisting oneself/others, and it has to be done - nobody wants to re-use unclean cutlery and so on.

Self-forgiveness/commitment statements to come.

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