Tuesday, 18 November 2014

Day 332 - Reactions to the word 'socialise', part 2


I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate within memories of being told that I must socialise more when and as I see or hear the word 'socialise'. Within this, I realise that I've created a fear within the word 'socialise' and thus have reacted in anger when seeing/hearing the word and participating within memories of being told that I must socialise more and that I don't socialise enough by my parents.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to place the blame on my parents and seeing them tell me that I must socialise more/I don't socialise enough, as damaging to me as a person. I realise that as I saw what they said to me as 'damaging' that I was in fact participating and playing as the victim character where I failed to take responsibility for the way in which I 'took' the words from my parents, thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to react within anger when and as I heard that I must socialise more/I don't socialise enough when spoken to me by my parents.

When and as I see myself seeing the word 'socialise' or hearing about the word or, seeing the word 'socialise' in ANY context and I thus see myself reacting within anger as I participate within memories of being told that I don't socialise enough/I must socialise more, I stop and breathe. I realise that my parents just wanted to see me 'happy' and didn't want me to be a 'social outcast'. I realise that they were only attempting to encourage me to hang out with friends, as they anticipated that spending time with my videogames only would not be healthy for me as a person, which is common sense - it's important to find a balance.

When and as I see myself fearing that I don't socialise 'enough', I stop and breathe. I realise that as long as my starting point is 'clear', that I don't have to 'fear' or 'worry' about socialising at a 'certain' amount - that as long as I'm 'cool' with who I am in the moment, then there's no reason for me to socialise for the sake of socialising - thus it's to do what I want to do, but to make sure my starting point is clear and valid.

I commit myself to see/hear the word 'socialise' in any way, shape or form, and NOT react to it within anger. I thus commit myself to not see/hear the word 'socialise' and participate within memories of my parents instructing me to socialise more/that I don't socialise enough - I commit myself to LET GO of those memories, and to thus continue on with my life in the PRESENT, and so that I can focus on the NOW, and enjoy the moment/each moment at hand that I partake in.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feel 'pressure' to 'perform' at a certain standard when socialising with friends, and seeing/thinking that I must be PERFECT with them and keep them occupied and make sure that 'they are having the time of their life' to prevent them from getting 'bored' and potentially not wanting to hang out with me again. I commit myself to change my 'personal' definition of socialising as 'needing to meet certain standards when socialising' to instead 'hanging out with people, friends or not - whoever it may be' as that is what socialising is, no strings attached and thus no 'standards' need to be met.

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