Sunday, 23 November 2014
Day 338 - Aversion to blood
Jee, I've had an aversion to blood for as long as I can remember. I've just always felt 'queasy' at the sight of blood. Whether it be on tv, in books, whether it's videos or images, just the sight of blood makes me feel uneasy. I can't remember an exact/specific moment/memory when I realised that blood was not my forte. But, there have many occasions in which I've almost felt like passing out due to my inability to 'handle' seeing blood in any way, shape or form.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear blood.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to through brainwashing/advertising, see blood as 'disgusting' and 'wrong' and thus feel uneasy and ill when and as I see blood in any way, shape or form.
When and as I see myself seeing images/videos of blood and considering the blood as 'not normal', I stop and breathe. I realise that although generally the sign of blood means 'something is wrong', that blood is in fact apart of each human and each animal within existence.
When and as I see myself viewing inner organs of my human body as repulsive, I stop and breathe. I realise that my inner organs are what makes me, ME. I realise that my inner organs are what keeps me living, and that they are what physically assists me to keep going in this world.
When and as I see myself seeing surgeries on tv and being repulsed by blood/inner organs of humans when and as they are being cut up etc, I stop and breathe. I realise that surgery is sometimes necessary to give the body further capabilities to live, and to survive, and thus, I commit myself to see my inner organs/blood as my equal, as it is me, in each breath, I commit myself to not see my inner organs/blood as 'not apart' of me, or something 'extra' which is just 'gross'. I realise that nothing is 'gross', unless I place an attachment of 'grossness' to something, which I have done in reference to inner organs/blood.
When and as I see myself seeing blood/inner organs in any way, shape or form and feeling lightheaded/uneasy/queasy, I stop and breathe. I realise that feeling like that is only possible through my participation within my mind and thus seeing/labelling blood/inner organs as 'gross' or 'disgusting' and thus I realise that through doing so, I manifest feeling lightheaded/uneasy/queasy within my physical body, when in reality, blood/inner organs are clearly NATURAL and apart of ME, and each life within existence, thus it's NOT something to fear or be 'scared' of, it's what helps me and all life FUNCTION within existence.
I commit myself to not see my body from an outside perspective exclusively, I commit myself to not see my body as just skin and hair. I commit myself to not ignore my veins for instance as I type this out, the veins that I can see on my hands. I commit myself to see, realise and understand that all of these things, veins, blood vessels, they are what makes me stay ALIVE. They are not 'gross', they are not unnatural, they are ME, I am THEM - and together, they make me alive. I am alive within the blood vessels, the veins, my inner organs, blood, hair, my skin. These are all mandatory inclusions of my human body and thus I commit myself to see them all as my equal in every way, shape and form, and NOT to 'ignore' any part of myself that I find 'disgusting' otherwise that is thus me living within separation of my OWN body, instead of taking my body as ONE unit, albeit, different parts. Like, my body being different puzzle pieces, and it all coming together to allow me to survive in this world and do what I can do to create an existence that is best for all life, one and equal.