Saturday, 13 December 2014

Day 352 - Fear of presenting self as someone 'unfamiliar'

I've been having a lot of backchat towards seeing some of my extended family on Christmas Eve. I haven't seen a lot of them (cousins, uncles, aunties) for about a year. I've been having backchat because I definitely feel, I mean, I KNOW that the person that they thought I was, that person has 'changed'. I've changed. Through my process with Desteni, I've changed for what is best for all life, and will continue doing so throughout my process. But what I fear is judgments from my extended family, judging me for not being 'who I used to be' or, 'not being who they thought I was'. Things like that.

That's a trap, though. Like, I think regularly, a person doesn't really want to change. Like, friends that know me, they only know me as the person that I act as when with them. And to have that friend (me) change, whatever the change may be, it can be 'unsettling' for the friends/whoever it is that only knew me as one type of person. I also think that's why many people fear change, in any format. Most people just accept themselves as the way they are, without even blinking an eye. They just blindly accept that they were 'born this way'. I did used to think that, until I DID change through my participation with Desteni. I've never seen a change as effective and rapid as the change I have seen happen within myself, through participating with Desteni.

But, like I said...I still fear that 'change' in regards to how people 'usually' see me. EVEN THOUGH, the change happening within myself, I, myself, am very glad about the change that is/has happened to me thus far, and will continue to do so. Although, having said that, I suppose I do fear change from my perspective, within myself, too. If  I fear myself changing in regards to how others see me, then if I bring it back to self (which is always necessary) then I see that I fear myself changing in regards to how I see myself. Always bring it back to self - vital.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear seeing a change within myself from what I've grown 'accustomed' to throughout my life prior to knowing of Desteni.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to blindly accept my life and my thoughts, my emotions, my feelings, the person I am/was, and thought to myself that THAT was the person I was born to be full stop. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see it as possible for me to CHANGE every single piece within myself and change my approach to life and thus change my approach to points within my life so that I live for what is best for all life in each way, shape and form.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear myself changing because I want to stay in my comfort zone, whereas I know the person I am/was, and I define any change within myself as 'breaking through' the comfort zone and thus equal that to a fear which I've created within myself and thus participated in.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that the comfort zone, while SEEMINGLY being 'comfortable' is in fact an excuse for me to not allow change within myself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that the comfort zone within myself in terms of accepting how I was 'born' is suppression. Thus, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see that comfort = suppression, because it is an abdication of changing for what is best for all life within equality and oneness.

When and as I see myself fearing change within myself in any way, shape or form, I stop and breathe. I realise that change is ALWAYS healthy, even if it is to take 'steps back' because it is proof that I am not going to blindly accept the person I was born as, and think that THAT is who I 'have to be' and that I cannot change to anything 'better' within my lifetime.

When and as I see myself judging myself for the changes that I undertake and seeing them as 'bad changes', I stop and breathe. I realise that changes within myself, no matter how they are, are signs that I'm willing to take responsibility for myself and thus direct myself in each step that I take within my physical step and thus to walk outside of my mind and into HERE, always.

I commit myself to see changes within myself as effective means of changing myself into what is best for all life.

I commit myself to not judge changes within myself as good/bad, and to instead accept them and work on the changes if I need to, to continue my process of changing myself.

I commit myself to not play as the victim character, whereas I see myself as 'helpless' in terms of being unable to change my life/things within my life.

I commit myself to NOT accept that I was 'born the way I was' and that I can thus NOT change how I react to things, my emotions/feelings and other points within my life.

I commit myself to continue walking my process and to continue accepting the changes within myself that come my way.

I commit myself to not be stuck in the past, whereas I only view myself as the person that I was when in high school, a shy person that struggled to speak up when in the vicinity of others.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that I KNOW and have seen first hand, that change is not just possible, it IS UNDENIABLE, as I've seen and continue to see within myself and within the writings that I undertake.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to view the word 'change' as an impossibility and a myth.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to FORGET that my starting point of committing myself to my journey to life IS to CHANGE myself into what is best for all life, and thus I commit myself to always remember that change is what I need/must do/expect each day that passes by.

I commit myself to LIVE the word 'change' by applying the writings that I write down, and to LIVE the changes that I write, into my practical being and physically apply them to thus see my change first hand within my physical body.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that showing others, my extended family, the change within myself is an EFFECTIVE thing, as I am going against the 'norm' and going against what we just plainly accept by just taking ourselves for 'who we are' and thus I realise within myself that actually changing goes to show that change is always possible.

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