Tuesday, 16 December 2014

Day 354 - Desire for videogame console


Thought it was about time I wrote about this. I keep having these desires to buy a videogame console, if so, I'd buy a PS3 or Xbox 360. I don't want to spend too much money and thus I don't want to buy a PS4/Xbox One. I've had a history with videogames. I used to always play them when I was younger. A few years ago I owned a PS3, but I sold it. It wasn't that I 'didn't like it' anymore, but I felt as if I were 'addicted' to using it. I was addicted to some games, more than others.

I do like games, though. I definitely don't think that games should be played all the time. But, sometimes, I see no problem with. I play Candy Crush Saga on Facebook. It is cool. At the same time, sometimes I desire 'better' games. I define 'better' games as ones that 'look cool'. Lol. Games that have clearly had a lot of money put into them, they might look realistic, lots of things happening on the screen at once. And when I compare those desirable games to Candy Crush Saga, I see Candy Crush Saga as 'lame' in comparison.

So, that is my desire...to play games that have had lots of money put into them, that had lots of effort put into them. And hopefully, having that effort put into the game, transpire to me enjoying the game. That is what I'd ideally want. But, that is not always the case. Games can have so much money put into them, and not be enjoyable. That can depend on one's personal tastes, what one desires when playing a game, things like that.

And I've been looking at consoles to buy. I found some that are thus not too expensive. I can afford it. But, yesterday/today I have been looking at the software (games). And there hasn't been any games that 'take my fancy'. No point in me buying a videogame console if there are no games I am actually interested in playing. And yes, I really see buying a videogame console as pointless, therefore. If there is nothing I legitimately want to play, then there is no point forking out a rather large sum of money for a console in which I will use only for the sake of owning the console.

That is how I see this desire/scenario.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to desire a 'better gaming experience' in comparison to a game like Candy Crush Saga.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define a 'better gaming experience' by the money/effort put into a game. Within this, I realise that money/effort put into a game does NOT always mean a game is enjoyable.

Within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realise that a game like Candy Crush Saga, although not having a ton of money put into it, with a huge budget, it nevertheless is an enjoyable game that can be enjoyed by everyone, plus, the game is cool because within it, one is able to assist others, and be assisted by others, which creates a team-like environment within gaming.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realise that it is pointless for me to buy a videogame console if there is NO software that I am actually interested in playing for the said console.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to desire a videogame console for means of something 'additional' to do, whereas I see that I want more 'variety' within my daily happenings. Thus, I commit myself to check out other means of variety, things that I'm GENUINELY interested in, and thus to realise within myself that to buy a videogame console and buy games for the sake of owning a console is pointless, because it's NOT something I'm genuinely interested in doing. I realise that my desire of videogames stems from the majority of my life whereas I have been somewhat 'addicted' to videogames and desire those memories to happen within my present self.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate within memories of me gaming with videogame consoles and having 'the time of my life'. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to desire that energetic memory whereas I saw myself having the time of my life when playing certain videogames on my videogame console.

When and as I see myself contemplating whether to buy a videogame console or not, I stop and breathe. I realise that my want of a videogame console stems from a desire of the memories of 'enjoyment' that I had with videogame consoles in the past where I labelled those gaming times as the 'time of my life' and thus I saw nothing better than playing videogames as often as possible.

I commit myself to not see Candy Crush Saga as 'lame' in comparison with other 'high budget' games.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that despite Candy Crush Saga not having a huge budget, fancy graphics, fancy interfaces etc, does NOT mean it is not an enjoyable game. Within this, I realise that all games can be enjoyable, whether having a high budget or a low budget, and whether using on a pc, or a videogame console.

I commit myself to not participate within the memory of desires whereas I see gaming on a videogame console as a great time within my life.

I commit myself to accept all games as they are.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand 'genuine' interests within myself so that I can move forward and not participate in this scenario whereas I'm only participating within memories of enjoying videogames in my past.

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