Thursday, 18 December 2014

Day 355 - "I'm bored."



bored
bɔːd/
adjective
feeling weary and impatient because one is unoccupied or lacks interest in one's current activity.
"she got bored with staring out of the window"

If I'm talking to someone online, and they tell me that they're bored, I take it personally, and I thus react within anger, because...I then judge myself and see that I'm not 'entertaining' enough for the person who proclaimed their boredom to me. So, I feel like..when people tell me that they're bored, that I'm not good enough, that I'm not interesting enough/entertaining enough. Those backchats.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to take proclamations of boredom, personally, whereas I react within anger and judgments of my character of not being 'entertaining enough' or interesting enough, or good enough.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not entertaining enough/not good enough/not interesting enough, because one tells me that they're 'bored'.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate within backchats of judgments towards self when and as one tells me that they're bored.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that one's boredom is not 'my fault' or 'my duty' - it is in fact THEIR 'duty' - their duty as to if they feel 'boredom' or not.

Thus, I commit myself to stop judging myself as not good enough when others say that they're bored, and realise that boredom depends on one.

When and as I see myself reacting within anger when one proclaims their boredom to me, I stop and breathe. I realise that it's not my responsibility for whether one 'is unoccupied' or 'lacks interest in one's current activity' - as that is strictly down to THEM. I realise that it's NOT my job to keep everyone entertained and thus within this, see myself as 'not good enough' and thinking to myself that I must 'improve myself' only for the sake of being 'good entertainment' to people.

I commit myself to focus upon myself/how I AM at any one time, and to NOT dwell upon how another 'feels' when 'in my presence' and to thus not judge self as 'not good enough' when one proclaims boredom.

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