Thursday, 31 December 2015

Day 537 - A resemblance

Person A is someone that I'm currently out of contact with based on Person A as the mind. In Person B, I see a resemblance to Person A. And so there is this trigger memory within me of Person A's face when I see Person B's face - and thus this desire to also not want anything to do with Person B.

Obviously in reality Person A/B are completely different individuals - with the only 'relating' thing, at least in my eyes, is the physical appearance somewhat of both in the face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to upon seeing Person B's face, participate within and as memories of Person A's face and within this participate within the 'reasons' of not being in contact with Person A and so wanting to also not be in contact with Person B.

When and as I see myself desiring to 'link' Person B to Person A as the same/similar people, I stop and breathe. I realise that the reality of this situation is Person A/B are completely different, and so of course in reality there is no 'need' to stop contact with Person B for any reason at all. I commit myself to take note of Person B's likeness to Person A's likeness as the physical face, but that is all and to leave it at that, I commit myself to do this by not defining Person B as their face, and instead by defining Person B as who they are as a human.

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Wednesday, 23 December 2015

Day 536 - Failure to recognise my change

I've had these thoughts recently that my change as an individual 'has not been dramatic enough' and within this believing that I have failed to make any 'notable' progress to better myself as life and make a difference as life, not only as myself, but as an example for others and/or assisting others.

But, within my current assignment in DIP Pro where I am currently reviewing past assignments and so past points that I have written out/released as to check if any further writing/releasing is needed on these past points that I've written out before, I now see that I've made MANY notable changes. And they MAY be 'small' points and/or not points that are for all to see type of thing/that noticeable, but they are points that I had to change and I HAVE changed - this is what I see now and now that I realise it/what I've changed, and the many points that I have changed about myself, it's really gratifying.

As I was mentioning, a lot of these points may 'appear' small, but every single point..and there are LOADS that I must walk through...they all are me. All of these points are me. So, one way or the other, I must release each of these points. Each point must be faced/tackled individually. There are more points that I must face, and there will be more in the future, but no point is 'worthless'. Even though it may not have had a HUGE impact on me/appeared regularly in instance, is not to say it didn't have to be walked through.

So I see now that ANY point walked through really is an ACCOMPLISHMENT. Because these are not easy. No point is easy to walk through. Because to walk through a point we have to be self-honest and we have to face ourselves - there is no escape.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see 'small' points walked through as 'meaningless' and 'pointless' for the reason that they did not impact me 'too much' or 'in regular instances' within my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that EACH AND EVERY point walked through/released IS an accomplishment, because to do so, I had to be self-honest and so I had to face it fully to change it, and so it is an accomplishment and it is gratifying to know I have changed and know that change can happen with self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that EVERY point is a part of who I am/what I am in this world, and so no point is actually 'less than' another point, because ALL points must be released, and this can only happen through walking every point one by one.

When and as I see myself desiring to believe that I have in fact made NO and/or LITTLE progress within change of myself, I stop and breathe. I realise that within this belief, I've failed to take into account the 'small' points that I've walked/released. I realise also that within this belief, I'm clearly not AWARE of the change that I've had/become regarding any points that I've walked/released, and so these changes that I've made 'go unnoticed' by myself.

I commit myself to stop in any moment where this desire to believe that lack of change is existent within me and to look at the very thing that I'm doing at that time to see what/how I'm doing it, where I'm doing it, and then to look at what I would have done many years ago in the same circumstances so as to see and recognise thus the changes that I've made as my starting point/my approach to doing these things presently when looking back at how I would have/how I did do these same things in the past, and so realising and really seeing the changes that I've implemented within myself as life.

Also, I commit myself to look at my progress thus far. I commit myself to re-read my past assignments within DIP Pro. I commit myself to look at my past work in DIP Lite. I commit myself to look at my writings in my Journey to Life.
I commit myself to look at these things so that I can really see what points I've faced, and then I can see how far I've come in reality, and how different I am from that person I was, that person I was stuck as being.

Basically, I commit myself to recognise my change. I commit myself to recognise that all points walked/released ARE accomplishments, no matter how big/small the point was.

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Sunday, 20 December 2015

Day 535 - 'Sabotage'

Within games of pool that I've been playing with another, I've had some reactions about the way in which person A goes about playing the game of pool. Basically, person A plays in a way that sabotages the game the way I see it. Person A does this by playing the ball in a certain way which where the ball ends up landing on the table, there are obstructions via other balls on the table and/or the shot is made difficult for me on purpose by the play of Person A. This is purely so that Person A can win the game as a whole.

Because if I were to for instance have a clear shot at getting my balls into the pockets on the table, well...I'd most likely end up being the one who wins the game. So, I've been calling this procedure 'sabotage'. But when it comes down to it, the act of winning, which is the main want of people generally, then it's a smart move. It's is strategy. What I found interesting though is...well, playing pool with Person A here, I mean, it's not a 'professional' competition at all, it's well..from how I see it, it's just a casual game of pool.

Now that I say that, of course Person A may see the game differently. I mean, it's still not a 'professional' competition-type of pool game, but Person A obviously wants to win the match..whatever the cost. I want to win the match too, but seeing how each one of us plays, I'm moreso there for the enjoyment factor. Winning is genuinely not so high up on my 'to do' list lol. Having said this, in the past, I'd do anything to win, so I'd MORE than likely resort to the ways in which Person A plays pool.

Now though, and at least in these circumstances of it being a casual pool game with nothing to gain/win in forms of medals..I just want to have fun/enjoy the game of pool. This writing has helped me bring the situation to light. Person A and I have DIFFERENT starting points to our games of pool, that is evident. I see within myself what I reacted to was Person A favouring a win over enjoyment. I see that if Person A and I BOTH played within and as the starting point of enjoyment as PRIORITY, that I myself would have more fun/enjoy the games of pool more.

It was interesting, last night I did bring up this point, I asked Person A "Do they sabotage the game when professionally playing pool?" Person A was unsure, as was I lol. I didn't think professional pool players would. Then I said "I prefer to go for my shots/take risks." And Person A went quiet. It was interesting though because Person A then went for their shots moreso and avoided 'sabotaging' the game from then on as I saw it.

So, is it really 'sabotage' if Person A/or I for that matter, set up shots that strictly DO NOT favour my opponent? No it's not. I mean, if it's 'allowed' within and as the rules of pool, then why not? And then if one wants to win, then why not, in fact, it may be a NEED to set up shots that strictly DO NOT favour an opponent, simple as that.

Different starting points, that is what it is.
So in terms of 'enjoyment' at hand, and me believing that if Person A plays a certain way, that I will moreso enjoy the game at hand, it's irrelevant, as I can't 'change' how Person A plays (even though I did within speaking to Person A, but that was incorrect word usage on my behalf, I shouldn't have used the word 'sabotage' and that was most likely the reason Person A then changed their playing ways) but I can't directly change how Person A plays pool. I can be an example though. But nonetheless, I create my own enjoyment at all times. And what I can do is if Person A plays within the 'creating difficult shots for me' way lol, then I can do the same back, obviously not in a way of 'revenge' - just as a way of capitalising on the game at hand and equalling the scenario, I already see that it'd be more enjoyable if I do this, it may not necessarily be what I personally find as the 'best' way to play pool, but I am working within the surroundings of another here.

And as I said, I can 'equal' the situation, as well as still be an example of 'taking risks' and/or going for my shots, I can do both.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to Person A 'sabotaging' the game of pool as I believed Person A's actions to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Person A's way of playing pool was 'lessening' my enjoyment of Pool within and as the way in which Person A played the game.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if one's main priority is to WIN, then enjoyment automatically 'goes out the door' and/or lessens dramatically as the starting point is only of winning as opposed to 'enjoying'.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that winning/wanting to win and enjoyment CAN go hand in hand, IF I alter my own ways of playing somewhat to 'suit' what is transpiring within what is happening via another's actions/the state of play at hand.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to 'equalise' the game of pool at hand within and as Person A's actions by doing likewise somewhat so that I can 'reply' to the tactical/strategic movements by Person A and so create a more ENJOYABLE game of pool for all involved dependent on each one's actions at the time.

When and as I see myself desiring to blame another for my lack of enjoyment/lessened enjoyment whilst another and I are both doing something together, I stop and breathe. I realise that I always create my own self-enjoyment and thus it does not 'depend' on another's ways of doing something. Within this I realise that it's up to me to identify what is happening so that I can make the situation more enjoyable for myself and possibly that of another by changing my own ways as a 'reply' for instance of what another is doing.

I commit myself to be flexible as 'enjoyment' by not ONLY doing what it is that I myself see as enjoyable from purely MY OWN starting point of seeing things - I commit myself to see and recognise all's starting points of things so that I can see why they are doing what they're doing/how they're doing it, and then actually combine both worlds by doing what it is that I see fit within enjoyment, and also what another is doing within what they see fit as enjoyment and/or winning for instance, so that I can then increase my own self-enjoyment of something and possibly the self-enjoyment of another.

So I commit myself to act in the PRESENT by identifying what is happening at any given time and changing my ways at any given time dependent on who/what is involved as to give myself/another the most enjoyable experience possible, as opposed to seeing a situation as a 'drag' and 'boring' within my mind.

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Tuesday, 15 December 2015

Day 534 - Future occurrence excitement

I've allowed a future event/occurrence to dictate me whereas I look forward to it so much, that I just want the days to go by until the day of the event/occurrence. Even to the point of 'wasting away' days. This is clearly not ideal. I've allowed this excitement feeling to preoccupy myself/my physical being to the point of ignoring myself here in every moment/with every day that comes my way.

I also had beliefs that this future event/occurrence and previous events/occurrences will change me somehow, for the best, in my belief. Again, that's just the illusion of excitement. It's not real whatsoever. In life, things can certainly assist our living. Things can make our lives more enjoyable. Gives us things to do, things to learn. But these things NEVER live up to the 'excitement' energy and belief that we give these things to - that's what I've found out.

No matter HOW excited I could be for something, when that something actually happens and/or I get to the day of that something happening, it's NEVER what I believed it to be, it never lives up to my expectations within and as excitement energy, also after that something ends, it always brings me 'back to Earth' - only then do I realise that this something that I had put so much excitement/expectation was fake, this excitement and these unrealistic expectations, I mean, to be fair..any expectations aren't safe to have, having no expectations is always the best way to go about it.

Because, when removing the excitement/expectations of something happening in the future that can benefit ourselves, then it just is. That future-happening thing is simply another thing...and another day in our lives. As I said, it can be enjoyable, it can be fun, it can assist, teach us, but it's merely for practical purposes/should be for practical purposes.

So my advice, as others to take every day as it comes. Of course that is so important, every day here is a gift...a day in our lives, we're, well, many of us are fortunate to have these days, for others days could be deadly..any of these days could turn into a death day, but for us that have access to luxuries of's best to make it count somehow. And with future events/occurrences, to accept what is going to happen, see it as a 'cool happening' and that is all, just a 'cool happening'. And when that event/occurrence eventually comes around, embrace the 'cool happening'. Enjoy the 'cool happening' just like any other day, every other day is a 'cool happening' - because we choose what our days entail and whether it's a cool day or not, we always have that choice.

Let's make sure every day we have here is a cool day and a cool happening. And let's see every day equally. No days 'better' than others. Yes of course, each and every day can contain drastically different happenings, work, free time, appointments - but it's all about who we are as the starting point to things these days contain. It's not easy, but we must learn to embrace all that comes our way, in every day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become blinded by excitement energy and expectations of a future event/occurrence to the point of 'ignoring' and SABOTAGING the days that lead up to this event/occurrence, as I've allowed my main/strict focus to be on this future event/occurrence that I put SO MUCH energy into/towards to the absolute detriment of myself here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a future event/occurrence can alter me so much to the point of being a completely different person - which is utter nonsense when I see the situation/the event/occurrence itself from a realistic/physical point of view/perspective.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take every day as it comes and to see every single day as a cool happening within my life that I can and should enjoy to the fullest amount, no matter what it is that I'm doing/what task that I must do to survive here.

When and as I see myself desiring to get 'caught up' in a future event/occurrence via my mind and so energies/expectations, I stop and breathe. I realise that ANY subtle movement of energy in regards to the future event/occurrence is the sign that I am NOT fully here within and as every single day of my being. So, I commit myself to STOP when and as I feel any subtle energetic movements towards and regarding expectations of the future event/occurrence by closing my fists/touching my hands and my arms and my physical body so that I realise that all I am is this physical body that I'm always in at any given time, I am nothing more, I am not these energies/expectations that may/may not happen in the future, I as all others are a physical body, nothing more, nothing less.

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Saturday, 12 December 2015

Day 533 - Getting even, revenge - why do we want it?

Revenge is something that many people want. Or, to get even with another. If something 'bad' happens to us via another, or another plainly does something 'bad' to us and/or that we disagree with, then we won't stop or we won't be satisfied until we've paid that person back..

And then it can go beyond that, whereas it just keeps cycling, Person A did something to Person B, Person B gets revenge, apparently now it's 'even' according to Person B, but no, Person A wants revenge from Person B's revenge..

I mean, and it can even be unrealised, if Person A goes out with Person B's ex partner, Person B does not like this situation, and so seeks 'revenge' on Person A, when Person A was not ahem 'breaking the rules' per se, Person A was just doing what Person A wanted to do. But if the thing is negative from the get go, as in..someone purposely wanting to 'anger' another or 'get under their skin' in one way or another, then obviously there is a problem there. We shouldn't be trying to anger one another and upset one another in any way, shape or form.

Not that the revenge/getting even is acceptable either, definitely not. But generally, both individuals, the one angering/upsetting another and the one who wants revenge, they both are in the wrong so to speak.

I've felt that before, that sort of 'satisfied' feeling of getting my revenge/getting even with another. It's like "Oh yes..that felt good."
Not realising at the time that okay, someone wanted to initiate somewhat of a war with me..yet I didn't think twice about NOT participating within the war, I just immediately entered the war because that was my only way of getting revenge/getting even. But if I had not entered the war, if I had not sought revenge/getting even...then I would have been an example to myself and the war initiator. And showed that I don't need to create further havoc..I don't need to get even/seek revenge....I don't need that 'satisfied' feeling, or that positive energetic buzz of happiness after getting revenge.

Obviously in that situation, one is trying to provoke me. But making the decision not to react/not participate within the provoked motive is a very powerful thing for all involved, again, that example of not being a participant in the whole game.
But like all things, this revenge/getting even game plays on the emotions/feelings of people, of people's minds. So I would say, if one does try to provoke you/initiate something with you, stop, breathe, to be an example of stability here, and be an example of not an example of not participating within the war..and to within this know that any energetic feeling of satisfaction/happiness after getting revenge is so very temporary, as all energies are. Because in reality, if one does seek revenge, the reality of the situation is that that person 'hurt' another somehow, and that's not on. the 'bigger' person and don't seek revenge, be an example that the provoker can learn by.

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Friday, 11 December 2015

Day 532 - Are they laughing with me or at me?

I was in a group discussion and I raised a point/statement about something, it actually had funny undertones I should say which points more towards the 'laughing with me' phrase. But at the time, well, I wasn't entirely sure what the starting point of this laughter was. It was one person who was laughing. At the time I knew what I said could have provoked laughter, yet still...when I heard the laughter, I went into resistance. I was half embracing the laughter by laughing myself lol, and half resisting it through showing and feeling embarrassment within and as myself - difficult to portray these 2 things I found.

I mean, this all happened in the space of about 20 seconds, thereafter I just continued within and as the discussion. But it was that moment of resistance/embrace that stuck with me and is thus why I'm writing this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the individual that laughed after my statement was said, was laughing in a 'mean spirited way' at/of me and in a way 'mocking' or 'insulting' me through laughter.

So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my own statements/what I say at any given time as 'stupid' or 'pathetic'.

And I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to fully embrace what I said and the laughter that I myself got from it and that anyone else may have gotten from it.

Within my failure to embrace my/another's laughter/my own statement, I forgive myself thus that I have not accepted and allowed myself to 'continue' the moment/add onto the statement, because I was within this resistance, moreso leaning towards and participating within and as embarrassment rather than embrace.

So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say my statement, hear laughter, then try to MOVE ON from the statement that I said as fast as possible so that I don't have to 'deal with' embarrassment in which I MYSELF created/participated within and as.

When and as I see myself saying/doing something and seeing/hearing laughter and taking the laughter 'negatively' - I stop and breathe. I realise that my first instance HAS BEEN to take the laughter as an 'insult' of sorts because I am judging my own statements/the things that I do and I MYSELF have seen them as 'stupid' and 'pathetic' and 'lame'. So I commit myself to embrace the things that I say and the things that I do by wanting to enjoy/revel in a moment with myself and others and make the situation a fun one by contributing what it is that I want to contribute and so that others can latch onto what I contribute, creating a chain reaction of contribution which is very cool for all!

I commit myself to utilise my/the laughter of others so as to create a 'warm' and 'pleasant' environment, as laughter is an action that is relieving.

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Sunday, 6 December 2015

Day 531 - Consequences of delay

I've seen this countless times in my life. So, and it's always to do with my mind, and fears, thoughts, emotions, feelings, beliefs. Not even just 'delay' as I see it now, it can also be means of putting something off entirely. But obviously and I'm sure everyone has seen how one's mind stops/delays self from doing things that they need/want/have to do. With delay specifically though, recently I've been experiencing this delay functioning within my life.

Delaying things that I know is what is best for my physical body. Delaying these things because of self-judgements about things and so on. Eventually I do the thing that I have to do for my physical body, but I suffer the consequences here. 1, I damage my body through delay. 2. When I do the thing for my physical body, because I delayed initially, my mind has accumulated these self-judgements and so on during the delay, and so as I do the physical thing necessary for my physical body, it's LACED with 'mind attacks' that I struggle with, this for me is the most major consequence.

And then there's the realisation that happens during the thing that I delayed/afterwards of "This was no big deal at all, why did I delay, what a waste of time within delay."

So, here obviously I have to look at these self-judgements as the reason for the delay in the first place and/or physically move myself so that I do NOT delay, I have to experiment/do some trial and error. But I see that despite any self-judgements/fears/beliefs etc, and as they come up...yes, if I breathe, then I SHOULD be able to 'bypass' any desire to delay for sake of mind. The longer I delay, the worse the consequences. The consequences I mentioned above, plus the obvious one of losing/wasting time within and as a self-judgement, a fear, a belief.

So, this is a reminder to myself of of course the necessity of breath/breathing within and as the moment of oncoming self-judgements/fears/beliefs. And the reminder that the less delay that happens...the better it is for myself. And the more I delay..the more consequences I suffer.

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Saturday, 28 November 2015

Day 530 - Utilising my memory

I had misplaced a certain card which has a certain 10 digit number that would assist me for a phone call that I had to make. So, already within not having this card and thus the 10 digit number in my possession, I automatically went into this self-defeated character of that being it, and resigning myself to the believe that I'll have to make this phone call without knowing of this 10 digit number as I had misplaced the card that states the number.

So, I had made the phone call, skipped the automatic voiceover that asked me for my 10 digit number, as I didn't know it, and waited on hold/in a queue until someone answered my call. After 5 minutes of waiting on hold, really, because I had nothing better to do whilst waiting, I decided to try and remember this 10 digit number within and as my memory and nothing more. It was funny actually, I basically gave it a shot, and got it first time lol. So, I repeated it back to myself a few times to make sure I knew it, because at that point I had decided to hang up the phone and re-call with the newfound knowledge of this 10 digit number.

Anyway, I found this interesting, that I automatically gave up because I did not have the card that stated this 10 digit number. I mean, previously I had always used this card whenever I needed to say/state this 10 digit number, so I became reliant on this card. But my memory was more than up to scratch here, as I got it instantly just by giving it a go, by trying to remember this 10 digit number. It was so easy to remember.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to go into self-defeat when realising that I had misplaced this card that stated the 10 digit number and within this believing that I was 'lost' without this card, believing that there was no chance in Hell that I could remember this 10 digit number 'off by heart' without using the card to see the number right in front of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my memory is horrible and that I can't remember anything at all, and use this belief to go into self-defeat after misplacing this card.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so reliant on numbers/words etc that are written down on something and within this, never utilise my memory and train myself/my utilisation of my memory to 'build it up' so that I can improve on my memory and actually use my memory as what is best for all.

When and as I see myself desiring to use a 'visual' aid/copy of a 'long' number/word something that I BELIEVE I don't/won't know via using my memory, I stop and breathe. I realise that within this current scenario, I've proven myself wrong by utilising my memory to remember a long number, and knowing it straight away without even having to 'search the depths of my memory' to find it/to know it's correct. So, I commit myself to continue testing myself and testing my memory as to train it up/improve it by NOT referring to visual aids and such for a quick and easy answer, and to instead put my memory to the test by trying to remember the number/word to the best of my ability.

I realise that utilising my memory can be very helpful, because it's like having a mobile/portable system that I can then access at any time to provide myself/another with information that is needed at that time, and I realise that I may/may not always have access to numbers/words in the form of visual aid for one reason or another, so it's cool to train up as to improve my memory and to see, realise and understand that my memory can make my life/the lives of all a whole lot easier/stable.

So, I commit myself to give myself/my memory ongoing tests when I see that I can do, so that I can can switch from never using/utilising my memory for things and/or only using my memory in 'desperate' times of need, to using/utilising my memory as a first option.

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Wednesday, 25 November 2015

Day 529 - You're never 'too' old

One quality that I admire in people is that they are still 'in touch' with their more playful side and/or 'childish' side as most would call it. Because that is the main reason many adults/older people do 'lose touch' of their playful side/childish side, because well, they see it as CHILDISH, I personally see it as very cool to still have this playful side to a person. It is playful, it is not 'childish'. There is definitely this believe that as we get older/progress through life, that we can't have fun or as much fun or be as playful or 'childlike'.

And within this as an example, children/young people/teenagers will be dismissed by an adult, because the adult sees, well, sees the child/young person/teenager and/or the activity/thing that they're doing as 'childlike' and so that adult wants nothing to do with it. When in that instance, it's the adult's believe that this person/activity/thing that they are doing is 'past them' and/or 'below them'. That is certainly not true, and it's actually rude to that child/young person/teenager.

Enjoyment doesn't 'go' with age/vanish/disappear with age. Nor do the methods of enjoyment that can be had..
Perhaps it's got something to do with seeing what that child/young person/teenager is doing and that adult seeing that it's 'beneath them' based on it being 'too easy' and/or below that adult's intellect/intelligence levels. That's still no excuse. If one, if an adult does what's best for all, then it's to see that child/young person/teenager and what they are doing/what they like doing from THEIR perspective/as them, and to within that, put oneself back into the shoes of their younger selves and so as to participate and relate and enjoy physically/practically with WHAT is here and WHO is here in the moment.

It's always best to be genuine about involvement. Genuine about enjoyment thus. And to take into consideration WHO and WHAT is involved/there at the time.

If one truly/genuinely sees everyone/everything for who they are/what they are and within this, sees what is best for all, then NOTHING is 'beneath' one. It is to thus release self from the ego/self-interest of seeing things/others as 'beneath them' and to take/accept what is here/who is here and all that is involved, because through this acceptance/understanding/perspective change through what/who is here, one can ACTUALLY and GENUINELY enjoy oneself along with what/whoever is involved within and as enjoyment/self-expression which is gratifying for all involved.

Nothing is 'beneath' you.

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Thursday, 19 November 2015

Day 528 - Wanting to be instant

I was on a Desteni Live Google Hangout yesterday talking about a particular topic, and there were a few moments where I basically lost track of what another was saying/asking me, and then when it came to be my turn to speak, at that point..I had forgotten what I was responding to and so struggled to formulate a response. So, with assistance from this person I was speaking to, I saw that it had to do with me wanting to respond as quickly/instantly as possible, why, because I wanted to avoid any pauses/breaks in conversation.

I see that this is the same in any conversation, so whether it's face to face, anything. Though, in terms of typing to another, I see that it's 'easier' and/or I give myself more freedom to FORMULATE a response/something, so within typing at least...I succeed more. But when it comes to face to face...whether in video form....or in person, there's this belief that I MUST instantly reply, NO PAUSES/BREAKS ALLOWED, otherwise I believe that I 'break the flow' of conversation and render the conversation as 'awkward' and 'strange' because of these pauses/breaks.

So, I see now that it's fine to take pauses/breaks. Whether in person/video form..whatever the means of the face to face speech, because sometimes it IS necessary to take a moment to formulate a reply/answer/speech of some sort. Could be a few seconds...could be 10 seconds....just depends I suppose. But yeah, I see now that it's best and works best in terms of conversation/my answer/speech/speaking capabilities that I take the time to formulate a response/form of speech and so that when I speak these words through my mouth, it comes out clearly/directly, and so of course within this, I avoid forgetting what another said to me because I wanted to 'rush' the conversation/get a reply back INSTANTLY, and basically in the end...moving too fast for my physical body to handle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it's a necessity for me/anyone to talk/respond instantly when I talk to them/when another talks to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that pauses/breaks in conversation render the conversation awkward/strange/unusual/break the flow of conversation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can and MUST always reply/speak instantly.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/face the consequences of this desire to speak/reply instantly.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that the consequences of believing that I must reply/speak instantly/fast, are forgetting what another says to me and muddling up what it is that I want to say, because I didn't take the time to formulate a response/what I wanted to say so that I could then speak it clearly/directly without forgetting what another said to me/what it is that I wanted to say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as 'slow' for taking time to formulate a reply/form of speech in return to what another says to me.

When and as I see myself in the  moment of conversation with another and it comes to a moment whereas I see that I REQUIRE time to formulate a reply and I desire to SKIP the formulation for the sake of INSTANTLY replying because of judgements/beliefs about pauses/breaks breaking the 'flow' of conversation and these pauses/breaks being 'awkward' and 'strange' - I stop and breathe. I realise that in the end, I am actually ruining the conversation/flow of conversation, because what I COULD HAVE come up with during formulation was skipped in favour of replying instantly for the sake of avoiding pauses/breaks/belief of pauses/breaks being 'awkward' - so I realise that if I had taken the time to formulate a reply/what I wanted to say, I could go deeper into the conversation/expand the conversation/engage more in the conversation which benefits all.

I commit myself to take my time during conversation and to not be 'scared' of formulating what it is that I want to say within giving myself time to consider what I want to say before actually saying it.

I commit myself to practice taking my time to formulate what it is I want to say in conversation with others to see how it affects/improves what it is that I actually say and so how it improves the conversation that I have with another.

I commit myself to utilise pauses/breaks for benefit of all/the conversation at hand, by expanding on the conversation/making it more efficient and in fact making the conversation flow more.

Wednesday, 18 November 2015

Day 527 - Disillusioned by the system

The further I get into my process with Desteni, the more disillusioned I am by the system and the exploitation/manipulation that happens at all times. This disillusionment is becoming more apparent for me, where I am really seeing the system for what it IS. It's more than completely fucked up. It's in complete shambles, we just use eachother, disregard eachother. Disregard/use life. It's the only way to succeed in the system.

It's a major expense on what is best for all. And I have to say, I am finding it difficult to even 'want to' be in the system at all. This is not the life that I wanted to have. One which requires manipulation at every corner to win at life. The game of life - life shouldn't be a game at all. We only have one life - why is this how it has to be/is? A game/competition of exploitation/manipulation. The mind is evidently a powerful thing. It controls all of us, it keeps up in desire/obsession of wanting to be in this game and NEVER leave this game.

But, if I allow myself to get down about the system/all it entails/the way we fuck up life and want to 'leave' the system and 'leave' life itself...then obviously I've succumbed to defeat by the system/my mind. Everything here is total chaos. It IS changeable...and really, that's all I should need to keep on pushing. If I can change, if others can change, we can all change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dwell upon the fucked up shit that our system is/that humans - the mind is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as self-defeat when seeing our current life/the system for what it really is and within this, wanting to 'leave' the system/my life altogether.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the system/life as it is now to dictate my own life/my future life/why I am here/what I am here for/to do.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that the more aware I become of this system/the bullshit it entails, the more INCENTIVE this should give me in wanting to advise others of this and advise others of the need to investigate/undertake Desteni/the Desteni material.

So, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to turn this AWARENESS of the system/what it is/what life was/has become into AWAKENING support/assistance/advice for others to use/utilise so that they too can become aware, as I am, and so for change to actually happen.

I commit myself to utilise news articles/stories/videos/information/my own experiences in the system/of the system to my/others advantage in terms of capitalising on this experience/knowledge for what is best for all by raising awareness through blogs/vlogs/whatever else so that one by one, each can see our reality for what it REALLY is and then to act upon it through self-change/self-honesty as I have/am.

When and as I see myself desiring to go into a state of disillusionment based on the system/what it is/what reality is/life is right now, I stop and breathe. I realise that within and as the term 'disillusionment' I've attached this emotion of self-defeat, because something (the system/reality/life) is not what I INITIALLY thought it was in all its apparent 'glory'. I realise that becoming aware of the reality of the situation/of life/all it entails is NOT cause for self-defeat, it is cause for even more incentive/need for myself to raise awareness to all others on why this world is how it is and how we can change and why we must change.

I commit myself to never succumb to self-defeat no matter HOW the world/system is, by being a voice of awareness for change.

I commit myself to be an example of a physical life form here by remaining stable/calm/relaxed at all times by not allowing myself to participate within and as emotions/feelings/thoughts/reactions in my mind and allow them to dictate/direct me as life.

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Tuesday, 17 November 2015

Day 526 - Improved methods of doing things part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within improvement/change within improvement, believe that anything prior to the improvement/change was for 'nothing' and 'pointless' as I believe that because I didn't do something 'perfectly' and/or as well as I could do it, that it was a waste of time, as I did not do it in the best way possible.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that even within doing something 'the best way' or close to, even if it is one of the best ways/close to, it's NOT to say that slight improvements CANNOT be made on that 'best' way - so, I see, realise and understand that improvements can ALWAYS be made on something/a person, even if only slight/subtle - and within it all, the progress from one thing to another through improvement, it's just basic change/learning/growing that can ONLY happen from practice/time/patience/development, and so NOT in an 'instant' which I am inclined to want within my mind, instant change/instant at being the 'best'.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that within what is 'best' there are many nuances that each individual can have/different perspectives within what is best, and it's NECESSARY to accept/embrace all of these nuances EVEN THOUGH they may very well be different from my own perspective of what is best, so it's simply about investigating everything and taking/using what is best/the best of the best, and within that, the different perspectives/tools so that I can be my best, besting my best, constantly and always.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that by doing something one particular way for so long and THEN being told that changes can be made/improvements can be made on that thing that I was doing in a particular way, believe that the particular way that I was doing something before being told improvements can be made/should be made was a 'waste of time' through seeing that because I didn't 'approach' it in the most effective way ever, that it was pointless - when in reality, even though it wasn't the MOST effective way of doing something, it still assisted me in some way, shape or form, and THAT is all that counts, that it DID work/succeed, it doesn't matter that what I did did not assist me as 'much' as it could have/as much as I could have helped myself, the point is it did help me/I did help myself, and in that moment that is all that counts.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that if something I was doing was totally incorrect/not assisting myself at all, then I would have seeked improvements in some way, shape or form, rather than CONTINUING down that path of mediocrity/failure for SO LONG - THAT would be a 'waste of time'.

When and as I see myself in a situation whereas another tells me about how I can improve/must/should improve and/or change my approach to something/anything and I desire to participate within and as RESISTANCE within the belief that if I DO change/improve, then anything that came before/that I did before was POINTLESS/A WASTE OF TIME, I stop and breathe. I realise that things that I do now/in my life ARE effective from WHAT I SEE NOW, BUT, there is ALWAYS room for improvement to be MORE effective, and that assistance can come from anyone/anything. I commit myself not to be  so 'set in my ways' which is set in my PROGRAMMING/PRE-PROGRAMMING within following ONE singular defined path of doing things and also within being 'comfortable'. I commit myself to push myself/my barriers of confinement/comfortability as to expand myself/my limits and unlock my true potential as life.

I commit myself to embrace change/improvements by hearing it out first, seeing whether it can assist me, then giving it a go physically as to improve on myself.

I commit myself to embrace what I've done in the past/present, what I will do in the future, through 'taking the best of both/all worlds' because in reality, the more suggestions that are made to me for improvement purposes/change, the better I will be - simple as that. So, I commit myself to utilise the improvements/suggestions of all and to test them within my physical/practical reality and to go from there.

I commit myself to make life easier for myself through embracing change/improvements, I commit myself to make life easier for all through embracing change/improvements.

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Monday, 16 November 2015

Day 525 - Improved methods of doing things

So, I'm in a situation whereas things have been pointed out to me on where/how I can improve certain aspects of things that I do/for myself. And within this advice/suggestions, I have this resistance, and it has to do with myself wanting to believe that everything I've done up until this point with all things that I've done has been PERFECT/seamless. I see this especially if I've been doing something that I THOUGHT was 'perfect' for quite a long time, only for this newfound advice to appear from another on how I CAN improve.

So, within doing something for a long time, believing it to be perfect/correct in every way, shape and form, then only now having these suggestions on how to improve etc, within my mind, I believe that since this is the case..that ALL things prior/that I've done in the past, before receiving this assistance/suggestions has been for NOTHING. And then I'm sort of like "Oh fuck, I wish I fucking knew this earlier/at the time of doing this thing so that I could have 'perfected' it right from the get go." Something like that.

Truth is though, there is always things that one can improve on. I was thinking of this example as I was writing this too, a bit earlier - something like lifting heavy boxes. Sure, it may be shown by my employer on how to 'correctly' lift these heavy boxes, and I could have learnt from that of course, and followed these methods to lift the heavy box correctly, BUT, it's NOT to say that this same employer and/or ANYONE could see me at a potential time of strong visibility of me lifting these heavy boxes months later/however long later, only to point out additional things that I can do to lift the heavy boxes correctly. And that can even be ADDITIONAL things from what I was taught by my employer the initial time. Because, each can have their own 'methods' of doing things, so in this case, there is NO right/wrong, because there are little nuances that each may use to lift the heavy box, so each one's method could be different, maybe only slightly, but, what's in it for me is that I can USE all of these tips, from all of the people, and so USE THESE TIPS for my own betterment/health and so on to lift the heavy box.

I've heard that old saying before, that 'one never stops learning' and it's most definitely true, but within this saying, it doesn't mean that once I learn something/learn something additionally ON TOP of something else, that everything prior was for naught. I can even teach myself/learn from myself on how to improve on things, which I have done too, that, and hearing out others' advice/suggestions on how to do things better. I mean, it should be PRETTY EVIDENT if I was doing something WITHOUT ANY success at all. I mean, going back to the heavy lifting of boxes example, if I was feeling PAIN in my back/legs EACH AND EVERY TIME, then I'd HAVE TO change my method instantly/right then and there. So, even though my method at that time may not have been 'the best' so to speak, it was still a good method, because no pain was being felt by me.

And it's a self-honest thing, on whether I heed the advice/suggestions on how to improve things that I do/have done in the past. But, it's for me to realise that heeding this advice/suggestions, it's NOT TO MARK ANYTHING THAT I'VE DONE PREVIOUSLY as WRONG or TOTALLY INCORRECT, not at all - it's simply a suggestion for my OWN BENEFIT, along with the benefit of others. It is what's best for all. And again, if I self-honestly see that this advice/suggestion will assist me, then I SHOULD EMBRACE IT, simple as that. So, to embrace both what I've done in the past, AND the suggestion/advice/improvement that I can be. Improvement is not the automatic sign that things done in the past were for nothing/pointless, improvement is to assist as what is best for all. It's also to of course realise for myself that not all things can be learnt of/known instantly, I mean, of course, a lot of things cannot be. A lot of things in fact require TIME and PATIENCE to know the 'ins and outs'. And that TIME can vary can be a long span of time. So as I said, it's necessary to embrace possible change, instead of resist it for the sake of 'being right the first time' which is just ignorance/suppression of reaching my POTENTIAL.

More to come.

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Friday, 13 November 2015

Day 524 - Attention vs solution

I'm sure most have seen a post on Facebook by another (or even one by yourself) basically INDIRECTLY speaking to another, but...through a status update on Facebook that of course reaches all of one's friends on Facebook and possibly others. Facebook is just one example though, I've seen it become a more regular/common occurrence since the arrival of Facebook in particular, but of course this can happen with any social website and in person as well.

So, one speaks for example about how someone in this person's life 'left them' and/or one feels that this person and they are 'drifting apart' but yeah, in the form of a status update which reaches the masses. So, that's why it's just attention seeking. Is any solution going to happen through indirectly speaking to someone about a problem that they and you have? One may get a few comments of assistance...and some of those comment's may even refer to directly tackling the situation itself, which I've seen before, yet that person never does so and continues down the attention seeking route, the easy route more or less..

Like, if I have a problem with another and/or they have a problem with me, I must take self-responsibility and approach that person and discuss/dissect anything and everything that is causing the problem, to see where we both stand, and then of between us, come up with practical solutions that will fix something, or, if it can't be fixed, to go our separate ways for instance, obviously it all depends on the situation at hand. But, one has to directly approach the problem first hand, to get an actual solution that is practical for all.

Merely mentioning problems with another indirectly to that person and/or to others is not going to do anything at all.
But...that is what social media is a lot of the time, a form of 'venting'. A form of complaining. Sure, it can be relateable to how others feel as well, but it's still a failure on one's behalf to direct the problem and to in turn find a solution.
So, instead of the attention-seeking route/desire to relate to others/have others relate to you, be solution orientated by taking self-responsibility, finding the source of the problem, talking it out with another/have a look yourself, and see what comes out of that discussion...whether with oneself/another, find solutions, even if it means to part ways with someone..attention seeking will only feed the ego of oneself and of course at the same time, never be for the solution/about the solution/what has to be done to rectify a situation at all.

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Tuesday, 10 November 2015

Day 523 - The wanders of fame

Fame is very interesting. A lot of people aspire to be famous/to have fame.

What does one get from fame/being famous? Of course, LOTS of money. Of course, depending on the level of fame, but usually quite a bit of money. Also, popularity. Some famous people have LEGIONS of fans. People that go ‘insane’ when seeing their idols. Of course it can also lead to unhealthy levels of obsession/popularity as well. I see that perhaps a lot of people do it for the popularity at first, the money too – both. But, with the popularity, I’m sure that grows thin on these famous people.

Not being able to go anywhere without being recognised, without being yelled at, screamed at, without having paparazzi in one’s face the whole time, literally being watched whilst doing everyday things that humans do, eat, shop. Jee..surely, that’s not an ideal thing. At the same time though, popularity brings power, money does too, but popularity especially I’d say. Because not many, if any famous people use their money for ‘world changing’ things. Yes, most famous people live in fancy/huge places, probably have servants/butlers and so on, and they give to charities, which is no long term solution whatsoever, but I haven’t seen/heard of many actual uses of power for what is best for all originating from money.

But just general popularity. It’s amazing how many famous people, how much they are adored. It’s like, ANYHTING they say, no matter the starting point of it/the tone/whatever, it will be ‘heard’ by FANS. Fanatics. The obsessed..

Even to the point of simply accepting what the famous person says, because of WHO said it, and within that, TOTALLY ignoring the message itself/whether the message is actually something that is best for all or NOT. So, that IS power. But, it’s obviously not a power that is harnessed to create a better world. This power is used to manipulate the masses, one’s legion of fans.

All of these famous people/living in fame, there are a lot out there, not just movie stars, tv stars, also singers, bands, sporting people, the amount of money most get paid is otherworldy. If even a FEW of them used the money/power/popularity they have now for something GOOD to come from the world/what is best for, it’d make a major difference to the lives of all, I’m sure. There is heaps of money out there...but it’s currently used for absolutely FRIVIOULS things, which is a HUGE pity.

I have gone a bit off track here/opened up a few other things relating to fame, but in the end, they go hand in hand, the fame, the power, the popularity, the money.

Another thing I wanted to speak of well, going back to the ‘wanders’ of fame, was the separation point. Because yeah, as I said earlier, the obsession/popularity, the lengths that fans go to see/meet these famous people is outstanding a lot of the time. So there is huge separation in this, like “WOAH, no way, I can’t believe it’s him/her! This is fucking amazing!” And then all control/common sense is lost to do what it takes to speak to/meet this person, as an example. We REALLY grow to admire fame/famous people.

But it’s important to take it back to the start. These famous people are the exact same as you and I. I’ve read plenty of stories of these famous people starting their lives ‘badly’. Like, family disagreements, homelessness, shitty they are hugely popular and have it all. It’s the same as any occupation/thing, if one practices enough, then will be good at it. We’re all the fucking same, even if you don’t want to admit it, we are. But we are blinded by power/popularity/money/fame, that makes us see eachother as better than, worse than etc. All these beliefs regarding meaningless things, or, what SHOULD be meaningless things. Is real power/’wealth’ not to be/stand for what is best for all? What is best for all life? To accept all the way they are, no matter their background, livelihood/their past? The power of what is best for all is already a part of us ALL. It’s just that we’ve been blinded by variousssss things, and we’ve allowed ourselves to blindly follow our minds/be led on by our mind/controlled by our minds. Sooooo, it’s SIMPLY about unravelling this power of what is best for all, and this is done through Investigating DESTENI. There is a lot to learn, but it’s a fun ride to have, the ride of Desteni. The power one gains is incomparable. Do you want a new life? Look no further than Desteni, look no further than the DIP Lite course, look no further than the DIP Pro course.

Investigate something that will genuinely help yourself/others. There’s no time to waste. People are beginning to wake up, slowly...INCREASE the pace/power of this waking up through investigating Desteni.

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Saturday, 7 November 2015

Day 522 - What's the expected expression?

There are a lot of, within our current society, and within and as the use of our minds/being directed by our minds, there are a lot of 'expected' expressions/reactions to things in life/situations in life. Like, if things aren't 'going to plan' then one expects to be angry/frustrated, and others expect that person to be angry/frustrated, because that is how that person would feel given the same situation. So, we just reflect what we'd feel like in any given situation. Sadness over a death, sadness over missing someone. They all tie in with what we expect of eachother as 'humans' and so as emotions/feelings.

Here's what happened to me recently. So, I started this new job in a call-centre type place. Basically making calls to various individuals as to raise funds/donations for appeals/research purposes and such. Anyway, I was in a group of 5 people starting out. We were on the phones, making calls for about an hour, and 1 person in this group of us stated/believed that all 5 of us had taken in a donation. I was the only one that had not taken in a donations yet. So, I said "Not me!" Lol. And I got various shows of support from people such as "Don't give up!" "Don't worry about it." "Keep pushing!"

And within these responses, I started participating within and as this comparison game, comparing myself to these other individuals who had taken in donations. While I hadn't as of yet. I was kind of participating in a few dimensions. On the one hand, within and as the reality of the situation, it was NOT a competition, there were as of then, no 'bonuses' for taking in donations, and even if there were bonuses, it's still no competition with others. 2, there can be a myriad of factors, such as who one is talking to and/or how willing they are to donate, that person's situation at the time etc. It's all random after all, on who speaks to who and so on. But also 3, I was participating within and as defeat, defeat that I had not taken in any donations yet, but the rest have, belief that I was 'left behind' - that this situation is one of humiliation.

The reality of the situation, was that there was nothing I was 'doing wrong'. I was doing the exact same as others do, but it was just the way the cookie crumbled, it was just the way things were going, simple as that, really. Anyway, more and more, this defeat took over me. And I commented to others in the group about my lack of donation-getting, and I got reassuring comments to hang in there. But all this time, I was like "What the Hell, I KNOW the reality of this situation, and it's not a competition whatsoever, and it's not a race, and taking in no donations as of yet whilst everyone else has is NOT a threat to me as a person at all." BUT, I still wanted to show this defeated character, this victim character. I wanted to play the part of the 'expected person' and the 'expected reaction' and I saw that as self-defeating, being self-defeated, being the one who sucks at this job etc, through comparison with others who had 'done better than me' etc.

It was silly, really. I should have stayed true to myself and been an EXAMPLE of stability through and through, yet, I wanted to be/show what I saw that others would be/show in this same situation, so one of self-defeat. Whether that was through encouraging comments by others or by my own self-doing, this self-defeat, it was my self-responsibility to either show an act of self-defeat, or to show nothing, to see the reality of it all, to be stable - what I should have done/been, and within this, despite encouraging comments by others or not within reflecting themselves back to me within how they'd feel in my situation, it's still no reason to act in the 'expected fashion' in this instance of self-defeat within comparison/competition with others/what others are doing.

I played the game, the game of the 'expected' and so the game of the mind, even though I knew better, I really did - it was certainly failure on my behalf to go the way of the mind, instead of remaining a stable individual within seeing the reality of the situation and so seeing there as being no competition/no comparison.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the game of the 'expected' expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play along with the mind/the mind's of others through the 'usual' stuff, that being emotions/feelings/competitive nature/comparison and self-defeat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as the self-defeat character, when in reality, I knew that this self-defeat character was totally unnecessary/unrealistic and just not needed whatsoever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to revert back to old habits in terms of what I saw 'should' happen in the situation within and as emotions/feelings/reactions of the mind/being directed by my mind.

Within this, I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to 'fit in' with others and within this and through using this EXCUSE of fitting in with others, see it as acceptable to revert back to my old habits/ways within and as my mind and so within and as emotions/feelings/reactions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that within and as participating as this self-defeated character within competition/comparison, it was NOT even 'fully here' and I was not even participating within and as it fully, as I once was, this because I was AWARE that it was my mind, and I was AWARE that I COULD have STOPPED myself from participating and/or half-participating within and as this character/my mind, yet I was wanting to show/be what was 'expected' of me within and as the 'usual' 'human' ways, which are of course in fact just the ways of the MIND of humans.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that stability and/or the not showing of emotions/feelings/reactions is WEIRD and UNHEARD OF. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that because stability/the lack of emotion/feeling/reaction is certainly rare, it's my excuse of it being rare as a means of not BEING IT, myself. I forgive myself that I have thus accepted and allowed myself to skip being an example of stability in favour of 'the old ways' and 'the common ways' and within these, the ways of the MIND as what is 'expected' and 'common place' amongst the majority of humans here on Earth. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge stability/no emotion/feeling/reaction as STRANGE/UNUSUAL/WEIRD, purely because it is NOT common place amongst the MINDS of humans, and so use this as excuse for not wanting to/not being an example of stability/no emotion/feeling/reaction.

When and as I see myself desiring to use the 'expected' emotion/feeling/reaction of what IS common place amongst humans, albeit within and as the MIND, I stop and breathe. I realise that the whole point of being an EXAMPLE of stability is to NOT REVERT back to these old ways for the mere sake of 'appearing normal' or 'appearing like the rest'. I realise that me as an example is that of people to follow/look up to and so want to be the same, which is my self-responsibility as myself/for others, and so for CHANGE for myself/others. I commit myself to stop, to breathe when in situations of desiring to BE LIKE THE OTHERS which is actually the same as ALLOWING MY MIND TO DIRECT ME, and to instead of doing this, bring myself back HERE within and as my physical body of stability and so within and as being an EXAMPLE of such stability and so an example of no emotion/feeling/reaction of my mind. I commit myself NOT to 'do what's expected' or 'be what's expected' which again, is the way of the MIND and the DIRECTION OF THE MIND, that in itself is NEVER THE ANSWER which I've learnt, or, SHOULD have learnt by now, that being of the mind/allowing direction by the mind is NEVER an option, EVER. And to do so is to IGNORE the physical of my being/body here, and it is also to NOT be an example of what I KNOW I am/CAN BE here. I commit myself to be CHANGE at ALL TIMES. I commit myself not to judge/label stability/no emotion/feeling/reaction as WEIRD/STRANGE/ODD - I commit myself to instead see stability/no emotion/feeling/reaction as what it ACTUALLY IS, that is, REALITY, REAL, LIFE, HERE, the very DEFINITION of LIFE HERE, a person DEVOID of manipulation through MIND, an EXAMPLE OF LIFE, what it means to be life, a real and genuine person/life, a dignified life.

When and as I see myself desiring to use emotion/feeling/reaction because it is COMMON PLACE within society/within the average human on Earth, I stop and breathe. I realise that emotion/feeling/reaction being common place is simply a SYMPTOM of the MIND. I realise that what the majority do/are is NOT 'what is BEST'. I realise that the majority are BLINDED. I realise that the majority are NOT LIFE. I realise that it is up to me to be an EXAMPLE OF LIFE. I realise that with the knowledge/information/practical tools that I KNOW OF of what it means to be life, I Must ADHERE and MAKE USE OF this knowledge/information/practical tools so as to BE LIFE, anything less is to IGNORE/SUPPRESS the things I know in favour of fuck ups/fucking up my life/the lives of others and to also HINDER the change that can happen as myself/as others as my lack of being an example for others. I commit myself to be life no matter who is around, who is in company, what is in company. I commit myself NOT to 'go with the flow' in terms of blindly following/doing what others do, who are directed by their minds/the mind. I commit myself to be my own person, the person that I know is needed here, a difference in person, a person of life/what is best for all. I commit myself to be aware of the complete waste of time that I participate within and as through reverting to 'old ways' and 'the ways of the mind'. I commit myself to STOP looking backwards. I commit myself to LOOK FORWARDS ALWAYS and so within doing so, be the CHANGED person that I am, as opposed to the going back/forth through being the OLD ME, then the NEW ME and vice versa which gets me absolutely nowhere and only goes to show that I must push myself FURTHER to be life/to be an example of life to others.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that ALL moments are important in terms of being an example of stability/change/a difference, no matter how SLIGHT the moment may appear. So, I commit myself to see, realise and understand the importance of being stable in EVERY SINGLE MOMENT that I am here/that I have here, because it can either be a slight moment/a small moment, or a series of moments that accumulate towards another seeing myself as an example and so then wanting to be an example themselves through investigating Desteni for themselves which benefits all of course. I commit myself to never 'drop my guard' and 'lose' that stability that I know I can be, ever.

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Wednesday, 4 November 2015

Day 521 - Does caring mean weakness/softness?

As I was playing golf with another and this person and I had a chat about the ducks/birds on the golf course that would congregate, something occurred to me, and that is that for the majority of people, to show caring qualities to things, not only animals, but just caring in general, for other humans too, it is a sign of 'weakness' and/or 'softness'. And as that belief happens, so rings true a lack of strength/power. So, from what I see, if one displays caring qualities, it is usually looked down upon.

Having said that, I see that it differs between men and women. From the male perspective, strength/power is highly regarded and sort after, and within that, any sign of caring is generally not looked highly upon from a male's perspective. Whereas within society on the other hand, from a female perspective, caring qualities are more highly regarded for the most part, and so the ability to care for others/things is 'generally' accepted and seen as a good thing from the female perspective.

This is just basic though. Of course it can differ totally between genders, it's definitely not always the case as I said above. But basically, it's because females are seen as the more caring individuals, and men as the strong/powerful individuals. Taking away the genders though, either way, I mean...caring for one another/all life/everything, there is still a lack of strength/power for a person if they show these caring qualities. So it comes back to self-interest. If one sees themselves as highly regarded and/or better than others, and within that, separating themselves from a duty of caring for others, because they simply see others as 'less than' - that is seen by others thus as a good thing, this sort of 'attitude' and some people are compelled by that, that 'quality'. The attitude quality.

So, it's a necessity for people to work with their minds, and so their beliefs/emotions/feelings and so as to stop this separation from other things, as to be able to consider everything. Caring is simply what is best for all. We need more carers on Earth, not powerful/strong people who care only about self-interest/themselves/enjoy their own attitudes.
It's funny, because in fact the real sign of power/strength IS the ability to care for all. So, to absolutely vanquish self-interest. To be one with all life here is real power/strength ability. It is immensely gratifying/rewarding.

So, caring does in fact = strength/power. It is a genuine and powerful/strong quality to have, and to live. It is NOT a sign of weakness as it has come to be seen within society. There's nothing more powerful/strong as to be able to see from ALL thing's perspectives, and so thus to be able to assist/support them as one would like to receive that same assistance/support, I mean come on, HOW powerful/strong is that? It's incredibly powerful/strong.

Don't fear to care.

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Wednesday, 28 October 2015

Day 520 - Counting my 'luck'

I've pondered this before, about my 'luck' in encountering Desteni and within this, I sometimes think to myself "What if I didn't do what I did to encounter Desteni, where would I Be without Desteni. I AM SO LUCKY to know of Desteni. What if I didn't play that game, what if I didn't speak to that ONE particular person..?" And so on. Because, that is how I did discover Desteni, playing an online game with other human users, basically chatting/meeting people. That is exactly how it happened. And this person informed me of Desteni. Thousands of people play that game daily, but it just so happened that they and I began conversing...and then.....Desteni came into conversation.

Of course, I'm MEGA glad that this did happen! Most people, most Destonians first got introduced to Desteni through Youtube. So, my means weren't exactly 'appropriate' in the sense of discovering it for myself sort of thing, I mean, at the same time though, I can't discover something that I don't know exists. I mean, in regards to Youtube, how many videos/information is on there, so much. And there are other self-help groups and such out there, but the one that is legitimate and real is Desteni.

Anyway, so I sometimes think to myself "What if.." and 'counting my luck'. Was it luck though? Is luck real? It's not real. Luck isn't real. I just thought now of like, if someone goes to do an exam, and another says to them "Good luck!" It's of course not down to luck. Yes, it's another phrase we say without investigating the phrase at all, but there you go. Luck doesn't have anything to do with whether one passes/fails, gets a certain grade. No. Study does. How much one studies, how much one puts in, to get out. The determination of one. Those real things.

So, when I look at my situation. Because, I see it in terms of there were so many people playing this game, and they and I Just happened to chat to eachother. Obviously, if I wasn't playing the game that day, at that specific time, and if I didn't talk/or that person talk to me, then I doubt I'd know of Desteni. So, that wasn't down to luck. I logged into the game, to meet people as I do/did. I went to a particular place in the game to meet people. They and I got talking somehow, and the rest is history. So, and, it doesn't matter that it was NOT down to my OWN self-investigation. Actually as I said that, I realised that it was down to my own self-invesitgation in terms of DECIDING to INVESTIGATE Desteni after HEARING about it. So yes, in that sense, I made a direct decision to investigate Desteni and so here I am now.

But I of course didn't find it 'through just myself/own means'. Does that matter though? No. Whatever way I found Desteni, I'm thankful. I'm thankful to that person I spoke to, I'm thankful to myself. It doesn't matter how discovery works within and as method. If it works, no matter how long it takes/what route is taken, then that is all that matters, right? I got there in the end, yes I took a different route than might be 'per usual' but now I'm here. I'm a Destonian. And that is ALL that matters.

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Tuesday, 27 October 2015

Day 519 - "Just curious" part 2

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fail to see, realise and understand that this is always a true reason/intention for asking something, and it's never just 'curiosity' - that being information for the sake of information.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to use the misleading reply of "Just curious" when someone asks me why I wanted to know of something in particular.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I SHOULD have a clear REASON for wanting information from something/another, and so it's never just 'curiosity'.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that if I'm asking a question of something/another from the starting point of something genuine such as care/consideration/assistance/support, then I should be able to clearly define why I wanted to know/the exact and direct reason/answer/reply as to my want of knowing such information.

So, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to in the past when using the term "Just curious" - to not investigate the actual meaning behind my asking this question, and only temporarily looking at it within an emotion/feeling as my starting point of wanting to know something, lying to myself/another through saying "Just curious" and then never looking into why I wanted to truly know this information/why I didn't want to be upfront about it to myself/another.

When and as I see myself in a position of wanting to know of something via something/another, I stop and breathe. I realise that before doing anything, I must cross-check/reference with my physical self first, to make sure this want of information is from the starting point of something real/necessary/substantial, as opposed to the want of information within and as feelings/emotions and so some type of 'bad' intention. I commit myself to then ask the question/get the information that I want, and if asked WHY I wanted to know this information by something/another, I should be able to then explain clearly within valid reason as to why I wanted to know this information, and so skip the "Just curious" statement.

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Monday, 26 October 2015

Day 518 - "Just curious"

I've used this statement after gathering information from another, and then when they reply to me asking why I wanted to know of this information, I'd say "Just curious". But, what I see now is, it's not just 'plain' curiosity here, and that there is in fact always a reason/underlying intention as to why I wanted to KNOW of this information in the first place. "Just curious" is just a cop out, a way of not stating my true purpose/reason as to knowing this information.

Example: Speaking to a friend of my ex partner. "So, is she dating anyone currently?" Reply: "Yes, she's dating someone else, why do you ask, why does it matter?" Me replying: "Just curious." But really, there's a reason as to why I wanted to know whether my ex partner was dating another person/someone else. There is SOMETHING underlying this want to know this information, and it's up to me to find out why. Do I still have feelings for this ex partner of mine? Am I in some type of competition with her to find a new partner faster than she can? Do I have any negative tinged intentions aimed at her new partner, if she has one?

But, can I ask this same question for purposes strictly of conversation/caring of another? Yes, I can. But in this case, it shouldn't be a matter then of 'Just curious' - it should be one of being direct/upfront, such as.."Cool, just wondering how she is, as I haven't spoken to her for a long time, glad to know she's well/found a new partner, thanks for the update." You know, something like that. But, there's always something behind 'curiosity' - even when we don't want to admit it to another/ourselves.

The dictionary definition is "eager to know or learn something." But, what is the WHY to this eagerness to know or learn something? There has to be a reason for it. Otherwise it's just pointless information, for the sake of knowing something, but then doing nothing with it.

So, I see it as important to make sure any questions I ask are from a clear/stable starting point of something good, importance/conversation/caring/assistance - as opposed to questions of emotion, of feeling, of beliefs, of ill intentions, you know? Because in reality, if I'm asking questions from a stable starting point, then I should be able to say the WHY as to me wanting to know this information, as opposed to just curiosity.

More to come.

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Sunday, 25 October 2015

Day 517 - The problem with hope

I was talking to someone yesterday, and the subject of hope came up. This person found it odd that hope was something I saw no use in. I brought up an example of hope in regards to someone that I know/close to me who could die. As in like, someone who is currently in hospital for instance, and the outcome is an uncertain one, whether they live or die. Yes, I can hope for their survival/life, but in doing so, I use time/focus within and as hope, and that can lead to general tiredness and such. But all in all, is me hoping REALLY going to be the deciding factor, or ANY deciding factor as to whether one lives or dies? No.

I can relate though, in wanting this hope to be real..
I hoped God was real. I hoped my prayers would be answered constantly - they never were, at the time I was surprised, now I am not. No divine intervention was going to assist me or answer my prayers. Hope doesn't do anything.
I can see how people see hope as a message of positivity. Or, it at least be worth the try. Still, no, yes it may be positive/wanting a desirable outcome, but it's still not real, it's not practical. Something practical would be for instance, keeping a person company who could potentially die, and/or motivate them sort of thing, something positive would be to talk to them, or to feed them healthy foods and things, natural things that could assist with the illness.

But, if something is out of my hands, then it is just that - out of my hands. If I have no direct/real/practical control over something in any way, shape or form, then I simply CANNOT control it. Also, I can also relate to hope in this way: Whereas, if I hoped for something, such as, this is what I did too in the past, hoping that my favourite soccer team would win a match, or that they'd score, as I'd be glued to the screen watching this match. And within my mind, being like "PLEASE, PLEASE SCORE, PLEASE WIN, PLEASEEEEEEEE!" Like desperate hope. And THEN, IF it were to happen, this team scored/won, I'd then participate within and as EGO. You know "Well, would you look at that, my hoping paid off, if it wasn't for my hoping/positivity, then my favourite team would not have scored/won, they have me to thank!" So, and things like that, they create this HOPE that HOPE is real. But, that is pure coincidence. How the fuck can I within my mind, somehow affect a soccer match that is happening on the other side of the world? Impossible!

So, it's mandatory for us all to wake up. To see the bullshit that HOPE is. And that it leads to nothing REAL OR LEGITIMATE.
We can't hope for a better world. We have to be a part of creating a better world. It takes all of us/all of our voices. The more, the better. It's absolutely useless to rely on anyone/anything else for something good to come from the world. We all have a say in the present/future of the world. So, we must do something real. Something practical.
Not just hope and hope whilst strolling along carelessly within the same jolly life that we enjoy.

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Saturday, 24 October 2015

Day 516 - Taking a risk to investigate Desteni

If I didn't take a risk, then I wouldn't have been who I am right now. I took a risk by investigating Desteni and what it has to offer and what it means. I took a risk by undertaking the DIP Lite course. I didn't know what was ahead for me, when investigating Desteni, or doing the DIP Lite course. But, the risk paid off. Now, I'm a changed person in every way, shape or form - the person who I had no idea I could be, someone who is worthy of life, and the title of life, being life.

Stepping into the unknown can be scary at first. It's so tempting to just stick to the 'easy route' and the route that one knows well, and to never veer off that route, but within doing so, one doesn't experience/learn what else exists outside of this pre-determined route and self-created route. Expanding oneself is so damn cool! I can see within myself, that I can actually be whatever I want to be. I can have whatever job that I want. There is nothing in reality that is stopping me from doing what I want/being what I want - that is what I learnt through investigating Desteni/doing the DIP Lite course.

Investigating Desteni is to release the shackles that one does not even know they are in. But, even the faintest idea of 'something not being right' whether within oneself/something externally, that in itself is worth checking out. Nothing else out there is similar in any way, shape or form to what Desteni has to offer all. It provides the tools for ANY question that one has. It has the remedy for any shackle one believes themselves to be in.

So, take a risk, take a chance, take a shot - yes it's unknown territory, but if you never go to that territory, then you'll never know what opportunities exist for yourself to grow exponentially in every way, shape and form. Investigate Desteni, realise the potential that you can be, that we can all be, as life - it's never too late.

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Friday, 23 October 2015

Day 515 - "I know, I know."

I've personally/specifically used this term "I know, I know." Yes, saying it TWICE for 'added' effect lol. Because, when I see in my life when I just 'don't want to hear it' or I 'don't want to deal with this right now' - whatever it is, I said "I know, I know." I can't recently remember any times where I've said "I know, I know." - but it's cool to see the reasons/dissect it myself, to see WHY I would even say these words. I can remember being told off by my parents for doing something 'bad' - and would hear a lecture about why I shouldn't do this and that, why I should instead do this and that, and it'd usually be an "I know, I know." - in this instance, I knew what I was doing was 'bad' and so "I know, I know." - "You don't have to tell me, I know what I did was incorrect to do, stop telling me." That as well.

But yeah, I see, not just with the parenting thing, but also in other contexts/scenarios, I could've learnt so much more/faster if I was to hear out what my parents, or what another was saying, instead of choosing to cut them off, in favour of not hearing something, either because I didn't want to hear it/couldn't be bothered, or, I believed I had 'heard this all before' and so it was 'pointless' to hear this person out any further. With the parenting moments, and being told what I should've done for instance and/or why I should not have done something, the "I know, I know." is clear in that I knew as I was doing this thing, that it was not the correct thing to do, yet I did it anyway, for one reason or another. So, it differs a bit depending on my starting point of saying "I know, I know." and what the context is.

Either way though, it's never cool and never was cool for me to use these words "I know, I know." - because I was always doing it within mind participation. And I never heard a person out FULLY, so that I could then come to a more suitable/stable reply.

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Thursday, 22 October 2015

Day 514 - My beliefs regarding eating habits

I've had this particular belief that if I can't eat whatever quantity I want of a particular food WITHOUT feeling adverse effects, then I'll not eat that food anymore. Or drink that liquid, whatever it is I consume. This comes about within eating mandarins for me. I am pretty sure it's the sugar content that gets to me. See, after eating about 5 of these at once, I started feeling bit light headed/dizzy. Too much sugar for my body to handle most likely. This is without knowledge from a doctor, of course. But the sugar content seems to be likely.

So, I was GOING TO not eat mandarins anymore, and basically, any other fruit which was quite 'sugary'. Then I came to my senses to see that this was not viable. Of course, it can be done, but I will lose many nutrients/vitamins if I am to remove almost all fruits from my diet/food intake. So, it really is an exaggeration to remove the majority, if not all fruits from my diet based on this belief. Because, I've also seen how eating one mandarin, or even a few mandarins per day, just SPACED OUT between mandarin-eating, this doesn't affect me at all.

SO here it's about taking every single thing individually. This goes for anything in life too. Because, I've also seen me failing to take things individually in other facets within my life. Everything is unique in itself. Like, a mandarin and a pineapple, one could make me feel ill, and the other not, as an example. Just because they are both fruits, doesn't mean they will be handled by my body in the exact same manner, just because they are under the classification/label of being 'fruits'. They of course have different properties, if only small ones, but any varying property can have a different affect on my body.

There are some things that I've seen my body can handle in small quantities, like, milk/ice cream. But anymore than a small quantity makes me ill. So, I can enjoy some milk, this is cow's milk mind you, and ice cream, but only some per day/at a time. So, moderation is key, moderation and taking every single thing for what it is, and being aware and/or doing my own research/investigation as to every thing's properties.

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