Tuesday, 6 January 2015
Day 362 - I miss you
Not long ago, I sort of 'parted ways' with somebody. Or well, it was from my own doing. I did not WANT to, but in my actions of trying to assist someone, I told a 'small' lie, and because of that (and perhaps jealousy) they told me to 'fuck off'. So, I've not spoken to this person for...almost 2 months, I think. I did send an apology text to this person a few days after the incident occurred, but as of yet, have heard nothing back. That may change, I suspect this person may be biding their time, and to perhaps 'get back to me' eventually, but no use holding my breath for that day to come.
But, it caught me off guard. Because, I went from talking to this person daily, to not speaking to them at all. So, it was like whoooooooosh, and the friendship evaporated. And I have been 'missing' this person. Like, me remembering all the 'good' times I shared with this person since I met them. So, here is my self-forgiveness/commitment statements on missing someone.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to miss somebody to the point where I react within the 'sadness' emotion.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate within my mind and thus within memories of the 'good' times I shared with this person, and thus using that as fuel to 'add' to the 'sadness' energy that I have created within myself.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fall for the illusion of NEEDING this person 'in my life' in some way, shape or form - and within this, seeing a 'bleak' present/future if I do not 'have' this person in my life in some way, shape or form.
Thus within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate within future projections which I create through my mind through a starting point of the 'good' times I spent with this person, thus seeing those 'good' times NOT in my future, as a means to manifest a future for myself as 'bleak'.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to live and participate within separation, whereas I see only a 'bleak' outlook for myself by not having this particular person 'in my life'.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to THINK that I NEED certain people/things IN MY LIFE to be able to have an 'enjoyable' life.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I ONLY need MYSELF to have a so called 'enjoyable' life. Within this, I realise that the term 'enjoyable' is what I MAKE out of my life/what I do with it/choose to do with it.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realise that constantly longing over someone and wishing they were back in my life is futile, as within this, I place my present/future within memories/emotions and also, the person involved. Thus, I commit myself to be the one and only directive principle within my life, as to be IN CONTROL of the choices that I actually CAN change/alter for what is best for all.
When and as I see myself participating within 'good' times/memories of the times I spent with this person and reacting with 'sadness' - I stop and breathe. I realise that it's OKAY to 'remember' past memories, but to remember them and have ATTACHMENTS to memories that turn into manifestations of sadness, is me allowing myself to participate within my mind and thus the energies that come along with that participation.
When and as I see myself seeing my present/future as 'bleak' because of this person not being 'in my life' anymore, I stop and breathe. I realise that I only have these 'feelings' and 'perspectives' upon my life in present/future because I continue to have energy attachments to the times I shared with this person, and thus keep 'wanting' those times 'back'. I realise that I myself create a future for myself, and that I do NOT need certain people/things outside of myself to have an 'enjoyable' or 'good' present/future.
When and as I see myself giving control to my mind in the 'hope' that this person comes back into my life, I stop and breathe. I realise that 'hope' is not IN MY CONTROL, thus it is unrealistic and well...'hopeful'. I commit myself to control what I actually can control HERE, within this, I realise that this means that I CANNOT control what another person does/does not do in regards to 'being in my life again'. Thus, I commit myself to stop 'trying' and 'hoping' and 'wishing' - because those are futile/pointless/out of my control.
I commit myself to control what I actually CAN CONTROL, HERE, within my PRESENT self/being.
I commit myself to STOP participating within memories/good times that I had with this person, and to instead remember the times I had with this person, but to not participate through these memories within my mind, otherwise manifest sadness - which leads me absolutely nowhere/does not assist me in my physical body whatsoever.
I commit myself to MOVE ON within my life, and to thus realise that I only need MYSELF to continue my process of change/discovery/learning - into what is best for all life - Realising that I do NOT need certain people/things to 'get by' in life or to make life 'enjoyable'.
I commit myself to GET OUT OF the quick sand that is my mind and all the emotions that manifest through it.