Saturday, 10 January 2015

Day 366 - 'Too' loud


Today, and other times, I've had anger charged backchats about others in my apartment being 'too loud'. Like, today I had a bit of a sleep at about 6pm (not a 'usual' time to sleep) and I was struggling to do so because I kept hearing pots and pans clashing together, and people loudly conversing to one another. And my backchats were like "I wish these people would just shut the fuck up!" And I was quite angry therefore.

But, it's necessary to look at the situation generally. I live in an apartment with others - all the rooms are rather close to one another, only separated by common areas, kitchens, bathrooms. Also, my room is right outside of a 'games' area with a pool table, table tennis table and football table. So, it's SUPER different 'loudness' wise, living here, and living at my own house/unit for instance. There is no point in me reacting angrily to others 'being too loud' - it's what I SHOULD expect in an apartment, sharing with others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react angrily to hearing others' conversing to one another and cooking food with the sounds of pots and pans being heard by me,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to EXPECT a 'quiet' environment suited ONLY for me, and thus disregarding everyone else in the apartment. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard the EXISTENCE of anyone else in the apartment WITH ME.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fantasise living in my own house/unit, whereas it would be more 'quiet'. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I can only actually DO THIS, through earning a stable income, and thus having a stable income and being able to live alone whereas 'noise factor' would be lessened by doing this.

When and as I see myself disregarding the very EXISTENCE of others in the apartment with me, I stop and breathe. I realise that I am in fact SHARING an apartment with others, thus NOISE should be 'expected'. I commit myself to accept the fact that I am sharing an apartment with OTHERS, and that my needs/desires are NOT 'worth more' than others' needs/desires. Within this, I commit myself to look at my 'desire' to see that living alone is a possibility, if I work for it/have the money to pay for a house/unit whereas I live alone.

When and as I see myself participating in backchats of 'wishing these people would just shut the fuck up' - I stop and breathe. Again, I realise that I do NOT own the whole apartment, and thus to expect NO NOISE/SOUND within the apartment, FROM my room, is UNREALISTIC, I commit myself to see, realise and understand and ACCEPT the scenario that I am IN/living in, with other people/things.

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