Saturday, 10 January 2015

Day 367 - Stopping self from what doing what I had planned


I've had this pattern within myself for so long. It can be in relation to anything, whether telling someone I'm going to go to their house for dinner, telling someone I'm going to meet up with them somewhere, at some time, things to do only with myself - purchasing a particular product, washing my clothes. So, I can say I'll do all these things, whether it's telling someone, or putting a reminder in my calendar to wash my clothes/purchase a particular product.

BUT, THE SAME PATTERN EMERGES TIME AND TIME AGAIN - Like, using an excuse, whatever the excuse may be, to either delay the event, or to cancel it entirely. And super definitely, it's ALWAYS something to do with my mind. My participation within my mind STOP me from doing the said activity that I had planned. You know, it can be a particular point I'm struggling with, I mean yeah, it's usually that. THAT is my excuse for 'putting off' a certain event that I had planned.

And I see it as really not cool. Jee, a realisation - I really, really used to do this, especially at school, for HOMEWORK. "Meh, I'll write this essay tomorrow night, it's not due until next week, anyway." And then what? I say that a few more times, and then I'm left with 1 or 2 days to start/finish this essay. And it's too late. I either have to rush the essay to completion, or, make up a false excuse to my teacher on the due date of the essay, which does NOT assist with my grades.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make up EXCUSES as to why I can't attend a particular PLANNED event.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to delay planned events.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not BREATHE through my potential 'cancellation' or 'delay' of a planned event - as to thus STOP participation within whatever point is at hand, but to obviously take note of the point so I can write about it later, but to BREATHE in the moment, as to not AVOID my responsibilities on account/excuse of 'my mind'. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my responsibilities by blaming my mind, making my mind the culprit for MY cancellations/delays of planned events.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that through actually DOING what I had said I'll do/planned, time and time again - this will assist me in NOT cancelling/delaying future planned events.

When and as I see myself seeing that I have a planned event occurring soon/later in the day, and contemplating my 'attendance' to the said event, I stop and breathe. I realise that if I SAID I'll go to it, whether to another person, or to 'myself' - then it's best to do so, because there is a REASON I said I'll go to the said event in the first place. Within this, I commit myself to stop, breathe - and to consider all 'aspects' of future planned events, by looking at my starting point to going to them or not going to them, to make sure I actually CAN attend whatever the event may be, and obviously whether I actually WANT to attend the event or not - as to then avoid 'further' delays/cancellations, when I had in fact SAID I would attend the planned event in the FIRST PLACE.

When and as I see myself squarely blaming my mind and saying my mind is the culprit of delays/cancellations/excuses, I stop and breathe. I realise that despite that being so, that is NO excuse to actually AVOID the said event. I realise that when those backchats appear within myself, it's up to ME, whether I participate within them and thus delay/cancel an event, OR, BREATHE as soon as the backchats come up, to then STEP FORWARD, and beyond the backchats - so I can then attend the event, instead of cancelling it because of 'my mind'. I commit myself to absolutely ALWAYS breathe when backchats/excuses to delay/avoid events appear within myself, because that is my ONLY way to BRING MYSELF BACK HERE - thus to my physical body, to then NOT listen to those backchats within myself which lead to manifested cancellations/delays.

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