Friday, 16 January 2015

Day 373 - Using someone part 2



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in the past, use someone exclusively for assistance with something.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that the reason that I felt like I was using someone for assistance purposes only, was because that at the time, my relationship with this person was 'weak' and filled with arguments/emotions - which is why I felt as if I were 'using' another, because the starting point of the relationship was fueled by arguments/emotions.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that if I were on 'good terms' with this person, then I would not feel 'guilty' and thus feel as if I was 'using' someone for only my benefit, because the starting point of myself and this person would be 'healthy' and thus I wouldn't see it as 'bad' to still ask favours of this person for my benefit.

Thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I must see this person regularly or communicate with them regularly to be able to take benefit of this assistance that was suggested to me by this person.

When and as I see myself failing to realise that I only felt guilty and thus felt as if I were using someone because of the 'negative' relationship I had with this person in the past, I stop and breathe. I realise that now that the 'negative' relationship is no longer 'negative'/filled with arguments/emotions, I don't have to feel 'guilty' for using this assistance - because now my starting point with this person is 'healthy'. I commit myself to see, realise and understand that was what was holding me back in the past/now - past memories of 'using' this person from a starting point of an emotion-filled relationship and thus a sensation of guilt and of 'using' this person.

When and as I see myself seeing that I must see someone or communicate with someone regularly if I want this 'assistance', otherwise be labelled as 'using someone just for assistance purposes' - I stop and breathe. I realise that this is an ideal that I've created within myself of 'feeling' as if I must communicate with another regularly, otherwise not being able to get assistance from another without feeling guilty. Thus, I commit myself to always make sure my starting point of something is not tinged with emotions/arguments, otherwise that would 'make sense' in relation to me feeling as if I was using someone for my benefit only, because I'd have backchats of 'not liking' the person, but still wanting their assistance with something only at certain times - thus not liking someone, but still using them for personal gain - which is what I did in the past.

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