Tuesday, 3 February 2015

Day 381 – Accepting assistance from another


Hmm so, I was with another, and they were carrying a bag. I was carrying a water bottle, with no bag. This person had offered to put my water bottle in their bag. I declined. I declined because I didn’t want to ‘accept’ that I was ‘wrong’ for carrying my water bottle around with me, with no bag. Even though I knew I should have brought a bag along with me so I did not have to carry around a water bottle. So I declined this offer because I wanted to look like I was ‘cool’ with carrying around my water bottle, and I wanted to look as if I was ‘right’ for wanting to carry my water bottle around with me, albeit with no bag.

When in reality, it would have been loads easier for me to ‘accept’ the offer and to put my water bottle into this person’s bag, hence saving me carrying it around with me. I declined all because I wanted to look like ‘I made a good move’ by deciding to carry a water bottle with me. And then I got ‘angry’ at both myself and this person, because they asked me a few more times as we were walking around if I wanted my water bottle to be placed in their bag.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not accept the offer from someone to put my water bottle in their bag to save me the ‘trouble’ and ‘effort’ of carrying around my water bottle.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to decline the offer of someone carrying my water bottle in their bag, because I wanted to ‘look as if’ I had made the ‘right’ decision in carrying around my water bottle – I didn’t want to look like ‘I had made a mistake’ by choosing to carry around my water bottle.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not ACCEPT that I had made a misjudgement in deciding to carry around my water bottle with me, with no bag.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to look ‘independent’ by declining the offer for this person to put my water bottle in their bag – and to instead carry it around, myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear looking like I made a ‘mistake’ infront of this person by choosing to carry around my water bottle without a bag in the first place, thus suppressing myself/my needs by declining the ‘invitation’ from this person to put my water bottle into their bag, saving me the trouble of carrying it around with me.

When and as I see myself declining assistance from another because I don’t want to ‘accept’ that I made an incorrect judgment, I stop and breathe. I realise that people generally do make mistakes, and NOTHING IN ACTUALITY would have ‘happened’ in regards to my relationship with this person in any way, shape or form, had I simply ACCEPTED the assistance from this person. I commit myself to NOT fear ‘showing’ to another that I had made a mistake. I commit myself to not fear imperfections within myself and mistakes within myself/that I make. I commit myself to learn from my mistakes, to thus not make them again in future.

When and as I see myself wanting to ‘impress’ another by showing that I always make ‘good’ choices, I stop and breathe. I realise that to desire to impress another is mind-participation and me hoping to look a certain ‘way’ infront of another, because I want them to ‘see me’ in a certain light, a ‘positive’ light – I realise that I don’t want them to see me in a ‘negative’ light/as someone that makes ‘wrong’ decisions. I commit myself to stay HERE and look at my PHYSICAL SITUATION to REALISE in REALITY/PHYSICALLY that it would be of GREAT assistance for this person I was with to put my water bottle into their bag, thus saving me the trouble of carrying around my water bottle with no bag to put it in.


When and as I see myself participating within angry energy when being repeatedly asked if I want my water bottle put in someone’s bag to ASSIST ME, I stop and breathe. I realise that the constant question of whether I want my water bottle put in another’s bag for assistance kept bringing up backchats within myself of how I SHOULD HAVE brought my own bag in the first place, thus I was angry with myself for not ‘thinking out’ the situation before deciding to carry around my water bottle with me, albeit with no bag. I realise also that I was angry at the person for continually asking me if I wanted assistance with carrying the water bottle, because the more they asked me, the more anger fuelled backchats would come up within me. I commit myself to firstly be AWARE of my starting point/situation of carrying a water bottle around with me in the first place, to realise that a bag would have assisted me in carrying the water bottle. I commit myself to not participate within backchats and thus anger towards myself for realising that I had made a ‘mistake’ in failing to bring a bag for my water bottle. I commit myself to not participate within anger towards the person wanting to ASSIST ME, when that is legitimately all they were trying to do, assist me – because they and I both knew that it would be easier if I had placed my water bottle into their bag. I commit myself to ACCEPT when I make a mistake, and to move on, simply.

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