Thursday, 19 February 2015

Day 390 - Addiction to controversy


Lol, reading that title back to myself, it sounds odd to me, but I've seen this as true. A bit of a 'feud' occurred today between a few people. It didn't get physical, it was mainly verbal and via body language/talking behind one's back, but it was easy to tell that there was a feud going on. But, I was sort of 'happy' that it was going on. I think what it is, is the UNEXPECTED. Like, not knowing what's going to happen. An obstacle in the way. It's like, something 'different' and well, to me... 'interesting' happening.

I've noticed this pattern before, though. Like, September 11, was it a cover up or not? I guess I find it sort of fascinating, the conspiracies/controversies. But I find it fascinating for the 'wrong' reasons. I mean, if it was a cover up, in reality, that's obviously awful. So to me, just generally..breaking the norm so to speak, I am sort of addicted to that. Because when I think about it, if life was the exact same pattern everyday, it would get tedious, so when controversies arise, it's like "Oooo, something interesting is/is about to go down!" Lol, that is how I feel.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be addicted to controversies/conspiracies/the unexpected.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek controversies and become attached to them, as a means of 'breaking the norm' so to speak.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire controversies.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek out something external for 'entertainment purposes' - and seeing controversy as that entertainment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see controversy as entertainment, when in the case of a feud happening, verbal or physical, it is NOT entertaining, it is something that must be stopped - because any type of feud between people is not cool and unhealthy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to 'stir the bowl' of controversy, as to make it continue happening, as I am 'attached' to the energetic experience of controversy/something DIFFERENT happening.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT look within myself for 'variety' as to do 'different' things - rather than seeing out external controversies which are usually in all likelihood, within a 'negative' energetic experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be brainwashed to enjoy controversies by tv shows, movies - whereas strange occurrences happen, and it 'puts me on the edge of my seat' thus being ADDICTED to that energetic 'high' of watching and watching something to see how it pans out.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not attempt to RECTIFY controversies within arguments/disagreements if I CAN, instead of ADDING FUEL TO THE FIRE because I have 'enjoyed' the controversy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that PEACE ON EARTH is the ULTIMATE NECESSARY and MANDATORY thing that is needed, NOT controversies in any way, shape or form.

To be continued.

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