Tuesday, 31 March 2015

Day 400 – Avoiding a situation part 2


When and as I see myself resenting myself for leaving my place of work abruptly/not showing up to my shifts at work, I stop and breathe. I realise that the past is effectively the past, and that, allowing the past, as a memory, to ‘eat at me’ and ‘attack me’ is a form of suppression, and it CLEARLY does NOT assist me WHATSOEVER within my physical being/present physical self, as it is stopping me from doing things that I’d like to do, ALL because of the memory, and the attachment of resentment that I've likened this memory to. I commit myself to STOP, AND BREATHE, and see within myself that although the past memory, what I did, WAS a ‘mistake’ – it is a waste of my time/life to allow it to STOP ME from doing things within my present/physical body. I commit myself to thus move my physical body into and as to do things that I want to do, in this instance, going to the store that I used to work at, doing what I’d do within the store, as ANY OTHER store, to shop. And I commit myself to NOT see others that I used to work with, and IMMEDIATELY ‘think’ that they HATE ME/that they RESENT ME, and to instead see them as equal to myself, to not be within the belief that they hate/resent me, because if I am in that belief, then I will make that belief a reality, by ‘acting’ as if everyone truly DOES hate/resent me, when in reality, I was only hating/resenting myself for what I did in the first place.

When and as I see the store that I used to work at, and immediately participate within backchats of people that I used to work with hating/resenting me if I step foot into the store/see them, I stop and breathe. I realise that the only one/thing hating/resenting is MYSELF, and I’m allowing me to hate/resent ME, and just ASSUMING within my mind that now ALL and EACH hates/resents me, and within this, manifesting this ‘feeling’ as an excuse to AVOID the store that I used to work in, avoiding it to the point where stepping in the store is a STRUGGLE, when obviously it should NOT be a struggle. I commit myself to if backchats/memories of hate/resentment of MYSELF appear as I see/step foot into the store that I used to work in, to STOP, to BREATHE, and to SEE and WALK into the store, to make sure that I take the paces towards/into the store, because BACKING AWAY and WALKING AWAY from the store is the immediate sign that I've given into my mind, and allowed it to dictate my MOVES. Thus again, I commit myself to no matter WHAT appears within myself, to stop, breathe, to CONTINUE seeing/walking into the store and to just keep on breathing if need be, to allow myself to do what I went into the store to do.


When and as I see ex co-workers of mine, and immediately thinking that they hate/resent me, and literally AVOIDING eye contact with them BECAUSE of this FEAR of hate/resentment by them towards me, I stop and breathe. I again realise that I AM THE SOURCE of this apparent hate/resentment, and realising that I AM THE ONE who has invented this fear, and allowed myself to exist within and as this fear, this hate/resentment fear, and to realise that this fear does not ECHO within and as others, is it only a BELIEF that MY fear echoes within and as others – which in reality is FALSE. Each to their own, I cannot possibly know of how another is/thinks/does, that is impossible. I thus commit myself to see ex co-workers, and to say ‘hi’ to them, to talk to them, to not avoid them therefore, because of a self-created/inflicted/allowed fear of hate/resentment towards myself, and the thought along that, that my fears are echoed throughout and by others. 

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