Wednesday, 1 April 2015
Day 404 - What is your problem?
I'm staying at person A and B's house while they are away elsewhere, and all was going smoothly, until just before, when person B, who I had already assumed would dislike me being in their house whilst they were away, realised that I was staying in their house whilst they were away. Because, apparently person A did not tell person B that I was going to stay at their house whilst they were both elsewhere.
I had already gotten permission from person A, that I was going to/allowed to be at Person A/B's house whilst they were both elsewhere. So in that sense, I'm not 'in the wrong' for being at their house, and well, I'm not 'in the wrong' for Person B not knowing, thus disliking the fact that I'm at their house. At the same time, I pretty much KNEW Person B would not like me staying at their house whilst they were elsewhere. But, I DID assume that Person A WOULD HAVE told Person B that I was going to stay at their house whilst they were away. That is my downfall, I ASSUMED. And what I realise now, is that..I only asked PERSON A, because I SUSPECTED/ASSUMED that Person B would DISAPPROVE of me staying in their house whilst they were elsewhere.
SO, my starting point was to garner the ABILITY to stay at Person A/B's house, and KNOWING that I'd have the MOST chance, through ONLY asking Person A if I could stay at Person A/B's house. Person B and my's relationship is rather 'sour' from what I know. I can safely say that I am doing my utmost to 'best' the relationship between person B and myself, BUT, I still can see/feel the 'attitude' within Person B's words/tones that they dislike me somewhat, to what extent, I'm unsure of.
Hmm okay, what else. From what I know, Person B is somewhat of a 'clean freak' lol. And is also very paranoid these days, because of break in's that have happened at this house, like, robberies, whereas items have been stolen a few times. SO, I put all of these things together: Dislike/attitude towards me, clean freak and 'paranoid' of robberies/house not being locked properly.
You know, writing this down now, I can DEFINITELY see why Person B does NOT want me to be at this house. Obviously, only I KNOW within myself, that I will take care of the house, keep it clean, keep it safe. But, for person B to see that within me/accept that, that is a DIFFERENT matter altogether, and COMPLETELY out of my control.
Sooooo, within this, I see that what I SHOULD have done originally, was to ask BOTH PARTIES about whether I could in fact stay at their house whilst they were elsewhere, and really, doing so MAINLY, because I already KNOW OF Person B's tendencies towards me/the house itself. I just didn't want to hear 'no' for an answer, that is, NO, "No, you cannot stay at my house whilst I'm elsewhere." - because I really wanted to stay at their house whilst they were elsewhere.
AND, just before, I reacted within anger when texting Person B, and them being surprised that I was at their house, and them basically saying that they were unaware that I was going to be at their house whilst they were away, and within this, them showing disapproval and 'annoyance' that I was staying at their house whilst they were elsewhere. BUT, what I have failed to do is a few things, to see the whole 'me staying at their house whilst they are elsewhere' scenario, and seeing why Person B disapproves of me doing this, me KNOWING the tendencies of Person B in the FIRST PLACE and STILL failing to ask Person B whether I could stay at their house whilst they were elsewhere.
What I also see is that, THEORETICALLY speaking, if I were to ask Person B whether I could stay at their house whilst they were elsewhere, and them saying 'NO' - I can definitely see that I'd react angrily to that, too. SOOOO, it's about putting myself in Person B's shoes, to see WHY they don't want me to stay at their house whilst they are elsewhere, because of robbery fears, house getting messy/dirty fears. And perhaps even the 'not liking me' point. All of these things can add up to the disapproval of me to stay at Person B's house whilst they are elsewhere.
In this instance, all I can do is 'plead' somewhat to Person B that I will in fact keep the house clean, make sure the house is safe. The 'liking me' part is a two way street. I can only do my bit/so much, the 'rest' is up to the other person.
RIGHT, SF/SC to come.