Thursday, 2 April 2015

Day 405 - What is your problem? part 2


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react angrily to Person B within my mind, when and as I saw/realised that they had no idea that I was in fact staying in their house whilst they were elsewhere.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that this anger that I felt and reacted as and within, within my mind, was a reflection of self, whereas, I'd react the same way that Person B reacted to me, if the roles were reversed - thus realising that, getting permission from Person B in the first place, IS/would have been the BEST move for all parties involved.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not make sure thus, that each person/party involved, KNOWS what is happening given the situation, to thus avoid instances such as this, whereas people are shocked/stunned for the lack of communication in the first place - which as I see within myself, results in anger within my mind/anger manifestation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react within and as anger within my mind towards myself when I realised/understood that what I SHOULD have done, was to ask Person B also, if I could in fact stay at Person B/A's house whilst they were away.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid asking Person B if I could stay at their house in the first place, because, I 'thought' that Person B would reject my 'want' to stay at Person B's house whilst they were away.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail to step into Person B's shoes on account of their annoyance at me staying at their house, to realise that the cleanliness/condition of the house and also the security of the house is very much vital to Person B, thus, their reaction was somewhat 'justified' - given that they did not know I was going to be in their house whatsoever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to paint Person B as 'the bad guy' - within the belief of ONLY seeing that 'they don't want me staying at their house, and they don't trust me when staying at their house' - INSTEAD of again, seeing the ACTUAL reasons as to WHY they were 'annoyed' and 'shocked' and 'surprised' that I was in their house to begin with.

Thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to instantly go into the blame personality towards Person B, because I did NOT want to take SELF-RESPONSIBILITY for the REACTION by Person B, and instead, just wanted to 'take out my anger' on Person B, again, instead of accepting my failure, and LEARNING from my failure, or, mistake.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify blaming Person B, through believing that 'they don't like me'.

When and as I see myself reacting as anger within my mind towards Person B, for what I perceive as Person B not trusting me to take care of the house/keep it secure/not trusting me in general, I stop and breathe. I realise that ALL of this could and SHOULD have been avoided, given that I MADE SURE that Person B was AWARE of my intentions to stay at Person B's house in the first place. Thus, I commit myself to make sure ALL parties are 'in the know' - as to avoid situations such as this, of reactions/confusion, by all involved. I commit myself to ask Person B if I can for instance, stay at their house whilst they are elsewhere, EVEN THOUGH, they MAY decline my 'want'. But, to realise that EVEN THEN, it would be BEST for all parties involved, to know where eachother are, and to know WHAT is happening/where it is happening. Thus, I commit myself to be DIRECT with ALL, EVEN THOUGH, the DIRECT-NESS may NOT work 'in my favour' or HOW I WOULD LIKE IT TO WORK, within FUTURE PROJECTIONS WITHIN MY MIND. I commit myself to NOT participate within and as future projections within my mind, as to instead be able to ACCEPT one's decisions/choices, no matter what the answer.

When and as I see myself NOT taking into consideration WHY Person B reacted as they did, I stop and breathe. I realise that in reality, Person B's reactions were 'to be expected' in the sense that they value cleanliness/their personal space/house and they of course, value security, especially given the amount of break in-s at Person B's house. Thus, I commit myself to UNDERSTAND and ACCEPT WHY Person B feels/reacts as they do, and despite me 'disagreeing' or 'agreeing' with it, whatever MY decision is towards the matters, ONLY Person B's decision STANDS, as it is THEIR house, NOT MY HOUSE, and what they want to do/don't want to do regarding their house is UP TO THEM, NOT ME. I thus commit myself to ACCEPT another's choices/decisions if it is THEIR property/ownership.

When and as I see myself reacting within and as anger towards myself within my mind, because of my failure to clarify with all parties, whether I could in fact stay at one's house or not, I stop and breathe. I realise that 'what's done is done' - and that, I must MOVE ON now, instead of living within 'regret' and 'guilt' and 'disappointment' within and as my mind. I realised that I was so inclined within my desire to stay at Person B/A's house, that I IGNORED how another would see the situation/me staying at their house, and ONLY THINKING ABOUT MYSELF, for my own selfish needs/wants. I realise that I haven't considered WHAT IS BEST FOR ALL within this situation. Thus, I commit myself to STOP, and MAKE SURE that I ALWAYS consider WHAT IS BEST FOR ALL in ANY GIVEN MOMENT, ALWAYS, because failure to do so is FAILURE on my behalf. I commit myself to NOT do something for my own selfish needs. I commit myself to talk to and make sure that all are aware of a situation, despite that potentially not working in my 'favour' - realising that in the end, all must 'have a say' and within this, be treated equally, because that is what is best for all, instead of what is best for SELF - this is not cool.

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