Sunday, 5 April 2015

Day 409 - Spidery sensation


I've actually come across this 'sensation' a few times within my life. And I had it again recently, whereas I was sleeping, dreaming presumably, perhaps about spiders, when suddenly, I felt something on my leg. I literally opened up my eyes, jumped out of bed, and was thoroughly looking over my body to see if I could see any signs of..spider. I saw nothing. I checked my bed and saw nothing. I DID see a sock in my bed. Most likely the 'culprit' in this situation. The sock fooled me! But this situation has shown me that I still fear spiders. I fear them upon my body. Crawling all over me, their hairy legs on my skin.

Thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear spiders in every way, shape and form.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as the 'norm' within fearing spiders and seeing them as some FRIGHTENING sort of life that is OUT TO GET ME.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that if I take into consideration other insects that are similar to spiders, other bugs, ants, cockroaches, my fear of spiders does not make sense in reality. The only thing that 'separates' a spider from a cockroach is the colour, and perhaps the amount of legs, other than that, it's another form of life, another insect, in a different body, just like me and another human who has different coloured skin, and is perhaps taller than I am, or has longer arms/legs, or more hair on their head.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see a spider, and instantly see it as a THREAT.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that the spider doesn't upon me seeing it, view me as a threat/enemy, and wants to hurt/kill me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I've created a belief system within myself, that spiders are 'out to get me' and 'won't stop until they hurt/kill me' - which is a TOTALLY unjustified fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that as long as I am not harming the spider/creating a sense of harm towards the spider, then the spider is not going to bite me for instance, just for the sake of biting me, or because it 'hates' me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not accept spiders for what they are, that is, another form of life, just like any and all other forms of life, who deserve the right to exist, care-free.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that just because a spider is perhaps crawling upon me, does NOT mean it is intending to cause me harm, it perhaps just 'lost its sense of direction' or wanted to experience a new form of ground, that being, my skin.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the 'speed' of some spiders, and seeing them move fast, and then fearing 'where are they now?' - not realising that the reason that the spiders 'move fast' in the first place, is always down to me attempting to catch/kill them, and them avoiding this, of course.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that spiders are just like humans, they like to explore, they like to keep warm, they like to move around the place, they eat/sleep.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see spiders as one and equal to myself in every way, shape and form.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see spiders/other insects as 'insignificant' purely based on their SIZE.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that ALL LIFE comes in different forms/shapes/sizes, and none of these differences make one life more 'important' than another life.

When and as I see a spider, and immediately upon seeing the spider, participate within self-created fear towards the spider and what it might do to me, I stop and breathe. I realise that seeing the spider, does NOT instantly mean the spider has seen me, and now that it sees me, want to hurt/kill me, this is just a belief system that I've allowed myself to exist within and as. I commit myself to see, realise and understand that the spider is just indoors, and is just 'chilling'. I commit myself to either allow the spider to continue 'chilling' or to move it from indoors, to outdoors, dependent on what I see fit within the situation.

When and as I see myself under the self-created assumption that spiders 'aim' in life is to hurt/kill humans, I stop and breathe. I realise that through brainwashing, I've been under the impression that spiders must be considered as 'scary' creatures, not realising that spiders being 'scary' holds no realism/practicality. I realise that none has taken the care to examine WHY one apparently SHOULD fear spiders, they just fear them, for life, without asking WHY? I commit myself to not participate within and as brainwashing as to fear spiders and everything about them for the SAKE OF IT, with-OUT any actual practical evidence/need to fear spiders.

When and as I see myself not accepting and allowing myself to see spiders and other 'small' insects/animals as equal to myself, JUST BECAUSE of their size/that they are smaller than I am, I stop and breathe. I realise that seeing another/anything as 'less than' because of its size, is a form of separation. I realise that life is life, and that is all that matters. I commit myself to respect all life, and not discriminate against specific life because of how small it is, or how big it is, just like I don't discriminate against one's colour/features and so on.

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