Friday, 10 April 2015
Day 413 - Resistance to change
What I've noticed, is that I'm still 'hanging' onto these past 'pieces' of myself that I used to exist as prior to Desteni. And I fear 'letting go' of these last pieces of myself, because of this: I fear that if I 'lose' these last pieces of myself, that I won't be who I used to be anymore - that the change within me will be so insurmountable, that I won't even be recognised as the 'old me' - and another point is that I fear that if I let go of these final pieces of myself, that I will lose any pieces that I have left of my old self, that made me 'human' - which is ridiculous now that I read that, because, the TRUTH is that I am making myself MORE HUMAN - well, I am making myself as to what a human 'should be' - within a physical embodiment.
So, the first part I want to tackle (write) is the fear of not being recognised as my 'old self'.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of my 'old self'.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to belief that I will lose my 'identity' if I were to let go of the pieces that I still hold onto/exist within and as, prior to discovering Desteni.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realise and understand that change is the key to birthing myself from the physical.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise, that prior to discovering/investigating Desteni, I was a mind-controlled being, who did not live the principles of Oneness and Equality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the belief within my mind that I will 'have no identity' if I am to 'let go' of my past self - and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to belief that I will not be 'unique enough' if I am to be a being who lives the principles of Oneness and Equality as my physical self.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to strive for a 'unique' attribute/style of living, as myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not simply let go of all the beliefs that I've lived as/within my whole life - and to see, realise and understand that if beliefs are what 'made me unique' - then I DON'T want to be 'unique'.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I can still be 'unique' in terms of having my own preferences of things/my own interests/qualities.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that the most vital thing for me within my life, is to be one and equal with all life, to free myself from the shackles that I've lived under within my mind - as to be strictly a physical being/body.
When and as I see myself fearing change out of a fear of losing what makes me 'unique' - I stop and breathe. I realise that for my whole life, the things that have made me 'unique' are my BELIEFS. I also realise that my own interests/qualities/preferences will still 'carry on' and stay with me, potentially even change, as they have done throughout my process - and to realise that no matter who I am, I will still be unique in terms of these things. I commit myself to see, realise and understand that what makes me unique are NOT my beliefs - what makes me unique is my own interests/qualities/preferences. Thus, I commit myself to let go of this fear of 'losing' what makes me unique if I am to change from my 'old self' and who I 'used to be'. I commit myself to not 'be' the person I used to be, for the sake of fearing change, I commit myself to put my writing/what I've learnt through Desteni into ACTION/LIVING WORDS, physically and practically - because this is the evidence of my real/actual self-change - this is what I want within my life/to exist within and as. A unique physical body.
Next - My fear of no long being 'human' through my process of change.