Tuesday, 21 April 2015
Day 418 - Judging my past/recent writings
Lately, I've been attempting to 'avoid' some of my past/recent writings. Like, avoid even LOOKING at them, because I am 'embarrassed' by them. One thing that I realise instantly is that my current writings, I see belief that some of them are within a judgment, 'worse' than some of my FIRST writings - and within this, I judge myself for not being able to improve my writings day by day. Also, I have judgments towards some writings, because I see that I've for instance written about multiple points in one post, instead of focusing on the one post, which I see within others/myself, that serves me best, to focus on that ONE point at a time. Otherwise it becomes this muddle-up sort of thing.
I've had talks with my buddy, which has assisted me with my writings. I also realised through buddy chats, that I was basically giving my writings power over me. I was so fixated on whether I was writing 'correctly' - that I didn't just WRITE and to within this, come to the realisations that I need to come to through just writing. Realisations are vital!
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to negatively judge my past/recent writings as 'not being up to scratch'.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be hard on myself for judging my writings to be 'not as good' as they USED to be.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be so fixated on wanting to write better each day, that one 'blip' and I instantly participate within these judgments of anger towards myself for publishing writings that I see were 'not as consistent' or 'not as thorough' as some of my previous writings.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realise and understand that the more dimensions/points that open up as I progress further into my journey to life, the more that I can (self-willingly) become 'engulfed' with dimensions/points, which shows in some of my writings. Whereas, at the start of my journey to life, it was more 'basic' in terms of not many dimensions/points being seen/shown, and so in a sense, it was more streamlined/easier to write out points at the time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to when and as I see that recent writings are 'not as good' as previous writings, feel that I haven't learnt ANYTHING, merely because of the judgments that I had towards my recent writings not being 'as good' as previous writings.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not look at where I was within my previous writings, and where I am now/currently in my present writings, and to see, realise and understand the differences in terms of the amount of dimensions/points opening up now, compared to the past, and other facets within my life - because, my life is constantly changing and I'm constantly growing/learning.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see my recent writings as a means of realisations themselves, whereas I can see that "Okay, in that post, I focused upon multiple points instead of just a singular point - so, NOW, I can use that information to assist me in the PRESENT, as to focus on ONE point/a singular point at a time."
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within the writings that I judge as 'not as good as other writings' - see those particular writings as 'not good enough for public consumption' and desire to delete them/all writings whereas I see that I 'messed up' so to speak, instead of in fact leaving them as is, as a means of seeing how far I've come within my journey to life, and to also realise that those particular writings did still assist me, and that none of them were 'for nothing' just because they weren't as 'focused' as my other writings.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate my writings from eachother, seeing some as 'good' and some as 'bad' - instead of seeing, realising and understand that all writings have in fact assisted me, one way or another, and through constant writing, I get to improve writings for future, so NO writings are a 'waste of time'.
More to come.