Monday, 11 May 2015

Day 427 - Keeping people waiting


This coincides with the manifestation of a dry lip that I occasionally get. I'm sure there will be more patterns within myself that manifest a dry lip. So yeah, I basically get dry lips a lot of the time. And I've been seeing recently how stress and such is the cause/causes. Today I was serving a customer, and because of my own doing, I incorrectly teared off an eftpos receipt and caused a malfunction of the eftpos machine. I immediately went into a panic within my mind, and was apologising continuously to the customer, as I was trying to fix the problem. I fixed it eventually, but as soon as I saw the malfunction occurring, I just went straight into a panic. And thoughts of "Fuck, why is this happening!?" And "Shit, this customer is going to be pissed off now."

Yes, I see that my starting point should have been to be aware and to slow down in the moment. To avoid this situation occurring. Like, I should have been more careful/considerate tearing off the receipt, thus to avoid the malfunction occurring in the first place. I wasn't in this instance, and suffered the consequences. The manifested consequences, dry lips. And visible dry flakes on my lips.

I have had issues with this eftpos machine before. So it was not the first time. And others have issues with it as well. So I see that I shouldn't be 'hating on' myself for this. But I do have to work with what is available. And I see that yeah, I have to be as slow as possible in tearing off this receipt, to avoid malfunction and to avoid keeping customers waiting, and to avoid manifested dry lips.

But I want to forgive myself for participating within this panic/fear/stress when and as I saw the malfunction, and the backchats of the customer being angry at me for having to wait.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within fear/panic/stress within my mind, when and as I see that something of my own doing fucks up, and the customer now has to wait for me to rectify a situation. Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush anything that I do, whether it be for a customer/myself/anything, and in this instance, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush something that I knew prior, was not the most appropriate piece of equipment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to immediately upon seeing that something I did caused an issue, participate right then and there within a fear/backchats of what will happen next, and what have I done, and also backchats of angering customers/people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not come to terms with the fact that mistakes can/do happen, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realise and understand that it's up to MYSELF to rectify the problem, both at the time, and within my writings/physical and practical application, as to stop the potential problem occurring again.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate with the self-belief that others are immediately pissed off and angry at me upon me fucking something up. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be too hard on myself and blame myself within negativity/anger within my mind, instead of simply accepting what has happened, rectify it, and learn from it to avoid it happening again.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not slow down in the process of me rectifying the situation/malfunction that occurs, thus being able to fix it faster, and allow others/myself to move onto others things faster, instead of manifesting fear/stress/panic through dry lips, and fumbling around/making more of a mess.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not learn from my mistakes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act as if one mistake that I make, is similar to basically destroying the world, whereas I make such a huge deal out of something so minuscule. Within this, I realise that I make the mistake a HUGE deal within my mind, and within fear/stress/panic and manifested consequences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see the mistake as solely a physical thing. Whereas I can then see why something happened, and how to fix it, without fixing it from a starting point of fear/stress/panic which merely results again, in fumbling and MORE fear/stress/panic.

When and as I see that something of my own doing causes a malfunction/mistake of some sort, I stop and breathe. I realise that there is NO good in immediately then going into a state of fear within my mind. I realise that any participation within my mind and thus fear at this stage does NOT assist me WHATSOEVER, and I realise that in fact, allowing this fear-participation will ONLY make the whole situation worse. Thus, I commit myself to just STOP immediately upon making a mistake. I commit myself to breathe. I commit myself to see why/how/where the problem happened, and I commit myself to rectify it if possible. I commit myself to NOT participate within the belief that others are now for instance angry at me for me slowing them down. I commit myself to see that what's done is DONE, and thus the only thing to do now is to rectify the situation from a starting point of physical/practical application, thus being able to fix the mishap asap for what is best for all.

When and as I see myself wanting to compare a mistake that I made to DESTROYING THE WORLD, I stop and breathe. I realise that I am PRE-PROGRAMMED to make any mistake, any mishap, a MASSIVE ISSUE WITHIN MY MIND, when in practical/physical REALITY, the mistake is nothing but a tiny mishap, a tiny thing, a tiny deal, and NOT AT ALL what my mind sees it as. And thus I commit myself to see any mistake/mishap that I make as JUST WHAT IT IS, from the starting point of physical/practical reality. I commit myself to also rectify the mistake from the starting point of physical/practical reality.

When and as I see myself participating within the belief that because of a mistake that I made, people that were waiting for me to do something are now full of rage/hate me, I stop and breathe. I realise that this idea of others being full of rage and hating me is only a belief that I have of others within my mind. And thus I commit myself to then see that it's not real/legitimate, and that it is in fact false. I commit myself to not allow myself to be blinded by my beliefs. I commit myself to purely and at all times, see the situation through my PHYSICAL eyes, to see what has to be done, and how to do so for what is best for all life, always.

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