Thursday, 21 May 2015

Day 434 - In the middle of a feud

Today I saw myself in the position of being in the middle of a feud. I wasn't apart of the feud itself, but I was like the 'go to' person, when the others were despising eachother. I found it pretty uncomfortable. It was sort of frustrating to me, because I saw that these people clearly were not getting on well with one another, but neither made an effort to do anything about it/to clarify and fix the situation. Well, to take self-responsibility for what they had caused/what was happening. I wasn't getting involved. It's up to them to take their own self-responsibility.

But I did find it uncomfortable when each would ignore one another for the most part, and just ask me/talk to me instead. I felt like I was just in an uncomfortable position. Because, in the instance when all of us were talking amongst eachother, I felt like I had to sort of choose sides in a way, I don't know - it was weird. Actually, this same scenario had happened in the past, and at that time, I was 'enjoying' the....feud, the....breakdown in communication, I saw it as 'entertainment'. It's cool that I now see that I want and prefer for there to be PEACE amongst all, not feuds.

Anyway yeah, getting a bit more specific now - I found it uncomfortable, especially when it was all of us together, and we'd all be talking, but both of them were clearly talking to me/eye contact only with me, and just blindsiding eachother. When it should have been all of us talking to eachother. Hmm, so what really made me uncomfortable..? I did belief that I had to choose sides - and it was not what I wanted to do. I'm not on anyone's side, I'm on no side. I wanted to talk to both of these people, obviously I also wanted them to resolve their issues, but that was not something that concerned me, really. I mean, it DID concern me, lol..but it was out of my hands. As I said, it's up to them to take self-responsibility and do what must be done to bring the peace - or, not...if they don't want that.

So - Having to choose sides, a belief that I must do so.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within the belief of needing to choose a side when being in the centre of a feud.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manifest uncomfortability when feeling the need to choose a side, and within this, not saying/doing what I'd usually do/say, because my starting point was being uncomfortable in itself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that choosing a side within the feud will bring what is best for all, when it will do the opposite, and just create more separation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to choose the 'stronger' side, to be able to then 'stick it' to the weaker side.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not act the same as I would with others/whoever I was speaking to, when amongst the feud - because in doing so, I could have perhaps assisted in defusing the feud, or at least, showing that these people CAN effectively communicate/socialise.
Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be the living example of Equality/what is best for all.

When and as I see myself feeling the need to choose a side when at the centre of a feud, I stop and breathe. I realise that putting myself into the feud, or the game, is NOT going to assist ANYONE - and in fact will only create more separation/potentially expand the feud, which is me failing on my mission to bring about what is best for all. And so, I commit myself to not choose a side when amongst a feud, because I know that in doing so, will not assist any. I commit myself to stay central, to stay equal amongst all life, whether in feud or not, and to NOT alter my behaviour/self towards any one person for any reason, because in not altering myself for any people, I am not choosing sides - which is cool.

When and as I see myself in the situation of being amongst the 'feuders' - I stop and breathe, I realise that being amongst the 'feuders' is no reason for alarm, and no reason to feel uncomfortable, unless I participate within the mind and the fear of it being an uncomfortable/awkward situation. I realise that I am only believing the situation to be uncomfortable/awkward when seeing from the eyes of the 'feuders' - which it may/may not be, but no matter what they see/think of the situation, MY OWN situation is a-okay, and so it's not necessary for me to alter how I'd 'usually' act amongst others, because in doing so, I am clearly under the influence of my mind and beliefs. Therefore I commit myself to keep my physical composure at all times, and within all feuds/potential feuds/conflicts, to BE an example, a practical/living example of what is best for all, and also, to PERHAPS bring about some sort of resolution amongst the feud/conflict. So I commit myself to be the keeper of the peace by treating the situation within the conflict, just as I would any other situation/communication with others.

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