Tuesday, 26 May 2015
Day 438 - Insecurity about misaligned jaw
I see that this insecurity about my misaligned jaw is growing stronger and stronger, so I must see to it now. I'm now starting to notice this aspect of my appearance more and more - and everytime I see it, I think to myself "I look weird." and "I look retarded." - and then I have this fears that others think the same of me when they see my face/mouth/jaw. Okay - so, I see this as purely a physical appearance thing, meaning - nothing is impacted in terms of speech, or in terms of being able to do things. If it were really impacting my life, I could for instance - get it surgically 'corrected' - or whatever need be done.
So, I see that the only reason to have it 'corrected' is just for cosmetic reasons. It is something I'd rather NOT do. I'd rather not have surgery, and pay who knows how much money to be able to afford the surgery/task to rectify/correct my misaligned jaw. So, I see that it's about acceptance, and obviously to stop the beliefs/fears I have of 'looking weird' and 'looking retarded'.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as looking weird/retarded when seeing my misaligned jaw/mouth in the mirror/in photos/videos.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my misaligned jaw/mouth defines me as an individual and defines who I am am/what I do and any aspect within my life - when it does not in reality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto and participate within this belief that people with disabilities and related issues/diseases are 'retarded' - and using this word 'retarded' in a negative way.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that because of my misaligned jaw/mouth, that this is the reason that I get overlooked when it comes to finding work.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not in fact accept the way my jaw/mouth is, despite it being misaligned and not inline/straight as I would 'like' it to be/how I see others' jaws/mouths to be.
When and as I see myself accepting and allowing my jaw/mouth to define me/anything about me within my life, I stop and breathe. I realise that my jaw/mouth does NOT define me as a person, which is the most vital thing within and as my life. Also, I see, realise and understand that my misaligned jaw/mouth does not impact me in terms of health/other facets of my being. Thus, I commit myself to come to acceptance of my misaligned jaw/mouth, and to know that it IS misaligned, but to not hold that against myself through mind participation/backchats of looking 'weird' or 'retarded' within negative energies/vibes. I commit myself to see/accept my misaligned jaw/mouth, and to simply get on with my day, without letting it DIRECT ME and BE ME, because if I do this, I let my misaligned jaw/mouth define me/my being.
And so, I commit myself to simply accept the way that my jaw/mouth is. I commit myself to see, realise and understand that this is what I look like/how my physical appearance looks, and to leave it at that.
When and as I see myself participating within the believe of negativity within my mind that people with clear disabilities, mentally/physically are 'retarded' - I stop and breathe. I realise that my use of the word 'retard' is purely from a starting point of negativity/judgment. And I see, realise and understand that this word is not beneficial to use whatsoever, and so I commit myself to stop using this word to describe myself/any other that I see may be suffering from disabilities of some sort/any problems/issues of some sort. I commit myself to not see one who is apparently 'different' in any way, shape or form as different to myself/separated from myself. I commit myself to learn to accept all, no matter the disability, no matter the alignments of their face/bodies, none is perfect.
When and as I see myself describing myself/another as 'weird' because of their appearance, I stop and breathe. I realise that anyone that I do not see as 'perfect' in terms of appearance/beauty/shape of body and so on, I've come to judge as 'weird' - also in relation to myself. I commit myself to realise that none are 'weird' - all are different, none are perfect, all are individual, and all are the way they are for one reason or another, and there is never an excuse to hold anything against another for how they look/are, because when it comes down to it, I/we all are responsible for what is/what isn't within this world/eachother. And so I commit myself to accept each life form, no matter what the issue/appearance of one may be. I commit myself to accept myself, no matter what the issue/appearance may be.