Friday, 5 June 2015

Day 441 - Self-judgments about the time I take


I see that I have a lot of self-judgments about the time that I take to do things. And then I also physically stop myself from doing things and/or wait until a later time to do the things that I need/want to do, because I don't want others to judge me for the time that I take to do things. I am definitely not 'taking my time' on purpose. That would be a case of self-interest. Especially when living with others for instance, or doing something that involves others. My starting point is of Equality, but I am blinded by it when it comes to doing something. All I see what I need to do something/as I do it, is me taking too much time to do something, and basically, pissing others off/having others judge me for the time that I take.

Pissing others off/having others judge me for the time that I take is not valid. None has ever said this to me or made the implication to me that this is the case. Like always, it's the mind playing tricks on me - fooling me to believe that all are against me. All hate me for taking this amount of time to do things. But it is an illusion. It's but a judgments against myself. Especially again, as I know that I already am doing my utmost within what is best for all and not taking my time - in fact, doing things as fast as possible for the benefit of others. Different people have different needs. I see that. And I see this within myself. Example: Someone who is very hairy and/or their hair, wherever it may be, grows rapidly, whereas another's hair/bodily hair may grow very slowly and/or not at all. Different requirements are needed here, and well, more time is needed for the one who needs/wants to remove that hair and/or make it shorter.

Everyone's body works differently, so I cannot hold that against myself. Everybody has a different way of doings things. If those said things are not from a starting point of what is best for all, in terms of considering others needs, then that is not cool - that is self-interest obviously. But no doubt, my starting point is of consideration of all/what is best for all, so I must stop judging myself/blaming myself for the time that I take, despite it being perhaps longer than others time taking needs, all are different/unique and have different requirements/responsibilities - and so time differentials vary among each - that is fact.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for the time that I take in doing things.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself for the time that I take in doing things.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress my needs/requirements/responsibilities out of fear of 'taking another's time'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that another's time is more important than my time, and so suppress my need/use of time for another's sake and in the process, ignore my own responsibilities/requirements which hurts myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realise and understand that each has different responsibilities/requirements for a multitude of different reasons and in different contexts, and so it's important to take that into consideration, not only for myself, but for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare my time consumption with others' time consumption and within looking purely at the time consumption between myself and others, automatically see myself negatively within my mind, purely because of my need for more time than another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realise and understand that my starting point is/already had/has been of what is best for all, and within this, I've already made adjustments as to 'lessen' time that I spend on doing things for what is best for all - and so to realise this, to stop blaming/judging myself for the time that I take on doing things for myself.

When and as I see myself judging/blaming myself for the time that I take in doing things, I stop and breathe. I realise that my starting point is one of purity/what is best for all, and so, I am not 'purposely' trying to 'anger' others or am 'against' others in terms of time consumption. So, I realise that each needs/has different requirements/responsibilities, and that is one example/reason as to why one/myself may need/require additional time when compared to another doing the same/similar things. So, I commit myself to see, realise and understand that as long as one has a starting point of what is best for all in terms of time consumption/how long and how much time one spends doing something, then there is obviously no need/reason to judge myself/judge one, because the starting point is one of clarity/stability and what is best for all.

I commit myself to take the time that I need/require for whatever it is that I need to do. Within this, I commit myself to not suppress my own requirements/needs for the SAKE of FEAR of another's judgments towards my time consumption and/or another's needs for something that I am using at the time. I commit myself to realise that what is best for ALL includes MYSELF, not just anything else but myself.

When and as I see myself judging another for the amount of time that they take in doing something/anything, I stop and breathe. I realise that this same thing that I've realised here in terms of each requiring/needing different things dependent on their own personal/unique circumstances applies to ALL. And so, I commit myself to allow all the time that they need/require, and to not participate within my mind and thus judgments towards others of them 'spending too long' doing something/anything. Within this, I commit myself to also realise that others may take a lot of time doing things and without the starting point of what is best for all and/or self-interest, but this is to be somewhat EXPECTED in society, as not many have the knowledge of Desteni and within this, the mind and thoughts and so on. And so I commit myself to be understanding of all, no matter if self-interest is implied/shown or not, and I commit myself to be understanding of all whether what is best for all is considered or not. Basically, I commit myself to be understanding of all, no matter the circumstances/no matter their knowledge/no matter why/what they are doing, whatever the reason may be.

I commit myself to not expect any to be the same/similar to me - because it's not like everyone magically sees the same as I do, within my transformation via Desteni and the workings of Desteni - not at all.

I commit myself to see where everyone/everything is 'at'.

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