Friday, 12 June 2015
Day 444 - Avoidance of potential conflict
I fear that conflict will ensue if I do not readily accept MOST of what another says in terms of ANYTHING. And I dislike this aspect of myself that I've been presenting myself as, because it's sort of me just acting as a robot, with very few outputs. I'm fearful of conflict. I mean, it's like I want to avoid conflict at ALL costs. And that I do, I mean, what good comes from conflict - none. But I shouldn't have to suppress who/how I am for a fear of conflict arising. But, conflict doesn't arise easily. And if conflict DOES arise for one reason or another, because I am saying what/how I see something, and another is reacting/desiring/creating a conflict within themselves/towards me, then that is not my doing - it is something that THEY have to investigate.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear creating potential conflict with another.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that conflict can be created very easily and/or through presenting my own take on anything that IS NOT in line with how another's take on something is.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept another's take on anything purely for the sake of avoiding conflict/fear of being in the centre of a conflict.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within future projections of another reacting within conflict towards me, because of me saying/having my own take/view/perspective on something, and within this, blaming myself for the conflict that erupted, when in actuality, it is the other who has created/is participating within and as conflict from something that I said, and so in this instance, it's not something that must be corrected from my point of view/self.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be seen as 'the nice guy' who basically accepts ANYTHING that another says on ANY matter whatsoever, but in doing so, fail to show 'who I am' and/or 'what I see' - and so in reality, just end up suppressing who I am as a person/what I've learnt and so on.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to invest all of myself/my time in relationships with others through acceptance/accepting of others' perspectives on things - instead of investing myself/time in myself through expressing myself/who I am/my perspectives on things for the assistance/support of myself as well as others.
And so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become exclusively fixated on the relationships that I have/can build with others through plainly/blindly accepting whatever another says/does, despite me INTERNALLY disagreeing with it, which again, is suppression.
More to follow.