Wednesday, 1 July 2015

Day 452 - The desire to look older part 2



"If I look at my own belief of maturity/being mature, it's being accomplished somewhat, it's being focused upon one's job for instance, one's career"
Accomplished = maturity in my belief.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am not mature/do not equate to what maturity is, because I see myself as not accomplished in life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that because I have 'nothing to show' to myself/anyone in terms of accomplishments (and/or believe this to be the case through ignoring what accomplishments I have made within life) - that I believe myself to be immature/not mature enough, as I have 'nothing to show' for my life.

So within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not look at my PAST accomplishments. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not look at the accomplishments that I've made within my process of LIFE - changing myself, who I am, what I am, what I stand for - these are REAL accomplishments if ever an accomplishment were to be/exist.

So, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ONLY see accomplishment within a JOB/CAREER aspect.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only see accomplishment within how much money I make, how much profit I make, how rich I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look at the possessions that I own, and see that there are not many and/or not as many as others have, and see myself as unaccomplished and thus not mature.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that at my age/my general age, I should have a successful job/career, possessions to show for it, money to show for it, and basically this idea of living 'the high life'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to thus keep on chasing maturity/what it means to be mature, because I as of yet do not have a lot of money/a full time job/general job to be able to live a 'high life'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realise and understand that the system that I/all participate in, is NOT built to assist/support people at all, not in the least to find jobs/keep jobs - not to use this as an excuse, but to see it how it is.

When and as I see myself believing that I must have a good career/any career, a good/any job, a job that makes me lots of money, lots of possessions, a big house and so on to BE accomplished and thus mature/live maturity, I stop and breathe. I realise that this IS the general 'feeling' of accomplishment, to have lots of money, through having a good career/job and so on, but within this, the system is not built to assist/support people to be accomplished within this sense and thus to live a dignified life. And so within this, I commit myself to not 'beat myself down' for struggling to find a stable job/income/means of living comfortably so to speak. I do commit myself to do my best as to survive in the system, to do what I can to survive/live comfortably, but to NOT see my job/career as what it means to be mature/live maturity, that is external of me, and I do not require external things/happenings of any sort to be/live a certain way/a certain word/definition, this is but a belief I have within my mind.

I commit myself to come to the realisation of the accomplishments that I've made within my process of life, my process of change, into what is best for all life. I commit myself to take note/be aware of the changes/accomplishments that in fact MATTER within life, and so NOT the accomplishments of profit/possessions and so on.

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