Thursday, 16 July 2015
Day 457 - Who I am in competition part 2
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to portray the character within and as my physical body of 'not caring' and 'not taking this seriously' when and as I see that I am losing against another in a 'competition' of some sort.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to CHANGE 'who I am' dependent purely on the scoreboard (whether I am winning or losing) into winning being a 'feel-good state' and losing being a 'feel-bad state'.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to show my opponent during competition that I do not care/I am not taking this seriously purely as a means of EXCUSE as to why I am losing/not playing well, when in reality this aspect is PURELY dependent on my physical movements/body and also my opponent's physical movements/body and also the skill level of both of us involved.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within portraying myself as the character that 'does not care' and 'does not take this seriously' manifest a dullness within and as myself and the total lack/loss of enjoyment that I WANT to have/have when I am 'winning'.
So, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT be within and as a state of enjoyment during the course of the WHOLE competition, no matter the score, no matter winning/losing, because it IS 'just a game' and my STARTING POINT for the competition/game itself IS/should be ENJOYMENT.
So, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to engage myself within and as the 'expectations' of competition, whereas in the 'heat' of battle, emotions/feelings flow, and it becomes a mental battle of sorts whereas changes occur dependent on the state of one and whether they are winning/losing.
Again, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be/participate within and as competition with the starting point of ENJOYMENT.
When and as I see myself 'losing' whilst in competition with another and changing my body language as to show my opponent that 'I do not care' and 'It's just a game' as an EXCUSE as to why I am losing, I stop and breathe. I realise that I have no EXCUSES in actual fact, and that the REASONS, the real reasons as to why I am for instance losing, is purely based on skill level, really. So, when and as I see myself losing whilst in competition, I commit myself to not show/be an excuse/justification as to why I am losing - instead, I commit myself to continue participating within and as the competition for enjoyment purposes of myself/another, and also, for learning/improving skill levels which comes from practice in the first place/putting myself in these competition-situations in the first place. So, I commit myself to LEARN/GAIN/ENJOY as opposed to GIVE UP/MAKE EXCUSES/BE DISAPPOINTED.
I commit myself to NOT allow the scoreboard to even come into consideration, because IF I were to be a stable being who is IN IT for the enjoyment, then NOTHING would deter my physical body from performing, unless of course it was physical strain/tiredness of the physical body in which case a rest is needed, NO OTHER deterrence should come into question/consideration as to WHY I am not 'performing at my best'.
I commit myself to allow myself to be HERE in the moment of every shot/movement within competition and to on the other hand NOT get 'caught up' within energies that 'usually' come up within competitions in the form of emotions/feelings in the 'heat' of battle.
When and as I see another that I'm in 'competition' with manifest 'happiness' when winning/winning a point and feeling as if it's a 'personal attack' on me saying that 'Ha, I'm better than you' directed at me, I stop and breathe. I realise that expression of 'winning' comes in all different shapes/forms, and it is NOT a direct 'attack' on me in any way, shape or form. So, I commit myself to not react within my mind to what another does when winning/manifesting 'winning'. I commit myself to again always be THERE/HERE for the ENJOYMENT, and so not the 'winning' or 'losing' side which usually come up within and as energies within one's mind. I commit myself to also express 'winning' sensibilities, of course, as long as they're NOT for the sake of 'mocking another' - they should be for the sake of acknowledging myself/something that I do if I see it as fit to do so - not within ego, within my physical body.