Monday, 31 August 2015

Day 479 - Lack of contribution

My lack of contribution to Desteni is irritating me! Here I'm talking mainly about the blogs, the Journey to Life blogs, and/or any writings, really. Whatever it is too though, videos. I usually have these spells of NOT publishing anything publicly. I mean, the times when it's just because I'm away from a viable means of writing/publishing online, then fine, but when I have the means available to me, and I DO NOT publish publicly, because I still see my blogs as 'pointless' and 'not helpful' to others, then yeah. That is what I do. Just before writing what I'm writing here, I wrote a blog. It was about hobbies. It was about how I wanted to incorporate more hobbies/things to do in my daily life. I've already deleted it. There was no Self-forgiveness etc included, and I saw it more as a 'personal' type of writing. Not because there were things that I see could compromise my position, but again, because I just saw it as not helpful for anyone but myself.

I have to stop these judgments. Because me writing this here, I WANT to publish ALL of my stuff online for all to see, I genuinely want to contribute to Desteni in any way I can, even if it is just a 'writing' and just for me to lay things out to see something more clearly. That doesn't mean that others can't read it and think the same/apply it to themselves, of course not. And even if nobody does find it helpful/uses it to their 'advantage' it doesn't matter. Any blog is still related to Desteni, all of these writings are associated with Desteni. I'm not just writing it for the sake of it.

So, I have written about this before, where I did see/notice that a lot of stuff I didn't publicly post, because I saw them as pointless and so on. Anyway, more self-forgiveness etc on this matter, because I'm not even sure that I DID write self-forgiveness etc in the first place..

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not contribute as much as I can in regards to all things Desteni.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stop myself from making things associated with Desteni public, because I judge them within my mind as pointless and not helpful to anyone except myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realise and understand that every 'piece' helps in regards to online publishing, because despite the subject matter/it not including self-forgiveness for instance, it can still be SEEN by someone, which in turn STILL peaks their interest, where they can then investigate why this writing has been..written, and what the source is, and, lead them to Desteni, and so the +1 formula continues.

I commit myself to ONLY NOT publish something online IF it is truly something that can/will compromise myself/others/my situation.

Therefore, I commit myself to publicly publish the BULK/MAJORITY of things that I do in regards to Desteni, no matter how it reads/what it is, if I see it as 'not good enough/as other writings' etc - because as I stated, ALL things help.

When and as I see myself believing my work/piece in regards to Desteni to not be of a high enough standard, I stop and breathe. I realise that those 'high enough standards' are strictly limited to MYSELF/MY MIND and it is NOT limited to the perspective of others. So, I commit myself to quit judging my stuff in relation to Desteni, and to just fucking post it for all to see. I commit myself to see, realise and understand that each time I make something public WITHOUT participating within backchats/thoughts about the 'quality' of the work/piece, I'll grow within the movement/ability to then and from then on, publish what I do with no questions asked.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that each individual within their process is at their OWN stage in their process, and there are millions of factors that dictate where one is at in their process, such as their upbringing and the dimensions associated with family/friends etc, and well, all dimensions within one's life, and despite the common dimensions at times, each individual still very much is situated in a very unique process. So, because of this, I commit myself to stop comparing myself/my pieces/work/stuff to others' and their pieces/work/stuff, because we're all very much in our own individual process.

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Tuesday, 25 August 2015

Day 478 - My reply to one's question regarding Desteni - Explanation

Question - I got really curious about the Desteni thing, so it would be nice if you got a bit more deeply into it. As I've never heard of it before it would be hard to catalogue it as a cult and at the same time, many things in this world are mislabelled for ulterior motives, so I'm not quick to judge in that sense.
(I had previously told them a bit about Desteni)
Answer - Cool about Desteni. I can't even remember what I previously told you about it lol. Let's see.
There are a few parts to it.
The MAIN part I'd say, is changing oneself. Basically, the information on the site suggests that the mind is the culprit of all the bullshit in the world. Compromising of the mind are thoughts, judgments, emotions, feelings, basically. And, the whole process of this changing of oneself - it happens through writing. Just like this, typing. So, for instance, I'd write what's on my mind now and/or what I am fearing, what I am worried about, who I am judging, who I got angry at yesterday etc, different contexts/scenarios. But, one just focuses on ONE point at a time, otherwise it can be 'too much'. So, mine is writing out why I became angry at someone. I may or may not, through writing about the context/scenario, be able to find out a deeper meaning as to why I reacted within anger in the first place, was it something the other person said, was it the WAY they said it, was it how they rolled their eyes to me? But also, it depends on the person, like, I might not find out the 'deeper meanings' until later in life and/or more writings on another day regarding the anger point.
And whatever the reason for me reacting within this anger, like, it's vital to know that I am the cause. I mean, it's important to 'bring it back to self'. To take self-responsibility for the emotion, the anger. Because, as soon as I start blaming the other person, I just keep going round and round in circles. Basically, it's 'never' okay to blame any external event/happening/person/thing for one's reactions. And IF I am blaming another for the anger I feel, which I was, then the NEXT part of the writing is the self-forgiveness/self-commitment statements. And they go something like this - 'I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as anger towards another when and as I BELIEVED them to be 'mocking' me.' Lol just off the top of my head. See, a lot of it comes down to the BELIEFS we have about people, about things. And these beliefs are shaped by society standards, generalisations, stereotypes, our parents, movies, tv shows etc.
I'm sorry about this epic long statement, but I feel it necessary :P
Um so. The self-forgiveness part of it is basically 'releasing' the 'blaming' of another, and also releasing the reaction of anger. Because really, it shouldn't be 'necessary' to be angry at any point in one's life. OKAY. Are you still here? Lol. And the self-commitment statements are the 'changing' point. So, example 'I commit myself to when and as I see myself believing another to be 'mocking' me/what I do, to stop, to breathe, and to not participate within and as the belief that I previously had about what 'mocking' is, also, seeing how reacting to another's words is never the way forward - plus, another's words do NOT define me, and I cannot allow another's words/opinion/perspective of me, define who I am.'
Umm and..
Actually, I did miss another bit, the self-realisations. Which are like this 'When and as I see myself reacting within anger towards person A, I stop and breathe. I realise that anger is never justified, unless I BELIEVE it to be.' That is when the commitment statement comes, after the self-realisation.
SHIT. Okay lol. I'm sorry. This probably sound either really complicated, or pointless, or both lol, but yeah. I probably went to in depth with it. It is heaps easier than I made it, and there are no 'right' rules when it comes to how you write/how much you write, there are just some basic formats/structures to help. So basically, the act of writing is a physical act, and through this physical act, we are able to see who we really are. Just like a journal.
SOOO, through the writing, the self-forgiveness/realisations/commitments, AND through practical/physical application if required (because writing is only 10% of the process of change) one changes who they are, how they react (or do not react rather) and so on. What I mean by the 10% is that, now that one has the 'fundamentals' down (the writings/self-forgiveness etc) one has to put it into practice, that means when the ACTUAL scenario comes up in person, to really do one's best to remember what one wrote, as to make the change PHYSICAL and REAL. NOW, at the same time, SOME points ONLY require writing, it purely depends on how 'big' the point is, like, how many layers are involved in the point, how deep the point is within us, you know? It's cool though, I've noticed many moments with just the writing, that I've seriously felt the change happen instantly, it's pretty amazing.
Wow I'm fucking tired now lol. Umm. OKAY, so that is the MAIN part of Desteni. Because through releasing all of these thoughts/judgments/reactions/emotions/feelings, what will remain within the process/at the end is just a PHYSICAL BODY, really. That is, one that NEVER judges, never is violent, is respectful of all life, that is, animals, insects and so on. And basically, as each individual does this, Equality appears, Oneness appears, Oneness as in, that is what is left, the physical, one's physical body, no mind, or rather, no allowance of direction from one's mind. And the Equality is vital, to see everything/everyone as just another 'life'. So to not define eachother by race, gender, nationality, appearance. ALSO, Desteni is NOT a religious group at all. Almost forgot that part lol.
I super dooper understand if this is too much information to take in. As I said earlier, it is not as 'difficult' as this when you actually do it. And I hope I haven't put you off it lol. This is a really detailed explanation of it all.
The cool thing is there is HEAPS of assistance/support available. The forums are the best place. Many 'new' people asking questions, many people that have been with Desteni for a long time asking questions, everyone, and getting answers in the form of assistance/support from those that have been with Desteni for a really long amount of time and/or others who simply may be more experienced within a certain point/question one may be struggling with.
So there is that, which you may want to check out, but the BEST and/or second best place to start lol, is the DIP Lite course, which is completely free. It's like an online interactive course, where you read some, and write some, at your own pace/discretion. And as you do this online course, you get a 'buddy' who is there to 'mark' your work, to make sure you understand it, and to answer any questions relating to the material that you are reading.
SHIT, OKAY. That is all lol.

Day 477 - What makes you YOU?

What makes me ME? Hmm.
I used to really value my individuality. I used to value what made me unique, what 'separated' me from others. That's a key word though, 'separated'. I was focused solely on what separated me from others, how I was different. I didn't want to be seen 'in the same light' as other humans. Most people when they are young, they have this fantasy-like idea that they will be famous, a celebrity, rich etc. They want to be special. They believe they are special (all from what a parent says/other older role models) but nobody is 'special'. Nobody deserves 'more' than another. We're all the same, the faster that humans realise/understand this, the better life we can give to one another.

I've been listening/reading some awesome audio/text based articles relating to this identity issue/crisis, which I'll link to at the bottom of this article. Highly recommended, and undoubtedly true. These messages are so commonsensical, so valid, so necessary, yet, most do not want to hear, they don't want to accept that we are but life. Life is a gift. But we abuse the gift of life, in favour of what makes us US. Opinions, egos. It all leads to separation, it all creates/escalates violence against eachother.

We literally only have one shot at life, yet we are willing to throw it all away for the sake of identity/opinion/ego, really? That is bizarre. Call me weird, but I'd rather live a fruitful life. One that I can be proud of, a life that I can look back at, and see that I accomplished things, see that I assisted others, as others assisted me, see that I had the abilities to respect ALL life, all life forms, all genders, all races, all, ALL. Surely we're not put on Earth to kill/abuse/neglect/disrespect eachother, are we?

Funny actually. Reminds me of an episode of South Park, actually, the first ever episode if I'm not mistaken. The boys get abducted by an alien ship, only to find out by the head aliens, that Earth is just a tv program. And the head aliens tell the boys that they desire to delete the channel/program, to remove the Earth program, because they won't find it entertaining anymore. I think, it was because humans were now aware that they were being watched, yes, that's right. They found out that they were 'tv stars' lol. In the end, the head aliens decided to allow the Earth program to stay on the air, AS LONG as the humans kept up the violence/hatred/disrespect and so on amongst eachother - funny, but it's true. It's just like we're in a tv program/on one. Being watched, being laughed at, providing entertainment for others. Sure, it might be 'good' viewing from the outside, but wow, it's an embarrassment really that it ever came to this, that it has come to this.

It's past the time, there's no more excuses. Change should have happened a long long time ago, but it never has. Tiny incremental changes don't do a thing. If we have to wait 20/30 years for a single change towards some form of Equality, then we're never going to reach true Equality. It's really time for all of us to stand up and DO something. To give eachother a chance of life, to give future generations a chance of life, a WORTHY life, a DIGNIFIED life, a life that is actually 'fun'. Not a life whereas they could die any second that they enter Earth, that is no life, literally.

Investigate DESTENI. For the benefit of YOURSELF, for the benefit of OTHERS, for the benefit of LIFE. Do something that matters, while you're here, even if you're not here for much longer, at least put your hand up. Deep down, EVERYONE knows we have to change, all of us, to actually do it/start the change is a decision that takes guts, a lot of guts, but it's those that make the decision that will be REWARDED, guaranteed.

Thank you.

Desteni online course, FREE, great first step
Desteni forum, ask questions, introduce yourself, seek answers

Forum thread where you can check out other articles/audio about the same topic, really cool!

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Sunday, 23 August 2015

Day 476 - I am ALWAYS correct..

When I believe I know the answer to something/am 'sure' of something, I do/write it. But then, when it turns out that something that I believed to be right/correct without a doubt, was in fact INCORRECT/wrong, I feel 'disheartened'. It's like, I was so convinced within myself, through my mind, that what I did was correct, hearing/seeing feedback that I was incorrect, it's like a shock to the system, a shock to MY system, a shock to my beliefs. And, this shock, I find it hard to accept this shock, this correction. I can't convince myself that I was actually incorrect. So, here, it's necessary to slow down, breathe, and to see the ACTUAL answer/correction, to see the feedback, to see where another is coming from/where the answer/correction is coming from, to finally be able to see, realise and understand that what I did was incorrect/wrong - but it's also not necessary to react with a sense of being disheartened upon the realisation of being incorrect/wrong in the first place.

I don't, and nobody comes into this world with the answers to every question in existence. We do need help from eachother, from all walks of life. I see that it's fine to 'have a go' within answering something/saying something, but to simply be weary that it may or may not be 100% correct/accurate. And, if I can expand on something/make it 'more' correct, then I listen, I learn, and I move on - just like that. Yes, there's this desire to be correct about EVERYTHING - but that is super delusional. Also, I can just ask for assistance if possible, before making/stating something, so that I know prior to doing it, and can then give a more informed/correct answer. That depends on the context though. Nonetheless, there are many avenues here. Avenues that I have not explored as of yet.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that all that I do/say is 'correct' without a shadow of a doubt.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to believe that all that I do/say is 'correct' without a shadow of a doubt.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this 'correct' personality to overcome me, and then when seeing/hearing of in fact being incorrect/wrong, participate within and as a sense of being disheartened.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do something with the firm belief that it is correct 100%, and within this, this correct personality and such, fail to see, realise and understand the 'truth' and correction that I need to actually see/live,

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to approach feedback/a different answer to the one I gave, with an open mind/viewing, so that I can actually HEAR/LISTEN to the feedback/response, and use it, learn from it, so that I can succeed at life and succeed within knowledge.

Also, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to ask for assistance/support/help when not being sure of something, so that I can then actually avoid being incorrect/wrong, and just be correct, or at least increase my chances of being correct.

When and as I see myself believing that I am ALWAYS correct, I stop and breathe. I realise that I am not always correct, I realise that I don't know the answers to everything, I realise that I have to investigate all things, and I realise that I have to listen to others/learn from others, respect others and what they have to say, which shows that I am open to other answers/correct answers, and am open to the acceptance that I am incorrect/wrong, and that acceptance leads me to fulfilment. I commit myself to accept when I am incorrect/wrong, because that acceptance is necessary to then move onto the step of accepting another's input/advice/assistance and support. I commit myself to investigate all things as much as possible, so that I can be sure/increase my chances of being correct/right, as to assist myself/others.

I commit myself to not expect to be correct/right all of the time, because in reality, I am not correct/right about everything/a lot of things. So, it's vital for me to accept the answers/support/assistance from others, because that is how I evolve/learn/better myself/my knowledge.

When and as I see myself approaching something/a question that I am not 100% sure of understanding, I stop and breathe. I realise that at this moment, it's best to ask for assistance/support if it's available, because it's simply best to know what I'm working with/how to answer something IF I understand the task/question at hand beforehand. I commit myself to not be fearful of asking for assistance/support/help. I commit myself to not participate within the belief of losing 'pride' if I am to ask for assistance/support/help, and to not believe in a lack of 'pride' if I am to not be sure of things in the world.

When and as I see myself approaching a 'supposed' correct answer/statement that I've given and am about to hear/read/listen to feedback about something within the mind frame of 'knowing' that the feedback will be all positive, I stop and breathe. I realise that these expectations of my answers/statements being correct without a doubt are unhealthy/unrealistic, depending on the context/situation of the answer/statement. So, I commit myself to be absolutely 100% open to ANY/ALL feedback/input to my answer/statement. Within this, I commit myself to just see my answer/statement as just that, an answer/statement, so, minus the term of it being 'correct' or not. I commit myself to be receptive, so that I can learn fast, move on faster, and progress further/more efficiently within all that I do. I commit myself to see, realise and understand that there is NOTHING wrong/bad about being incorrect/wrong. I commit myself to see, realise and understand that it's those who accept being incorrect/wrong that actually move on the fastest/learn the fastest/most efficiently.

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Day 475 - Awkward moments part 2

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that some scenarios/instances/happenings are simply 'awkward' - and believing that there is 'no getting around' the FACT that they are in fact 'awkward'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that 'awkward' moments are just a part of life, and cannot be stopped/avoided.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not look at the reason as to why I find a particular scenario/situation 'awkward'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that my beliefs/upbringing/society standards are the reasons as to why I find some situations awkward and others not.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate awkward situations with a feeling of embarrassment manifestation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate awkward situations with a manifestation/belief that I don't know how to act in the situation/what to do in the situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I was born awkward and that I have awkward blood running through my veins.

When and as I see myself in an apparent awkward situation, I stop and breathe. I realise that the situation is only awkward, because of the beliefs/judgments/fears/thoughts associated with the situation/who is in the situation. And so, I commit myself to see, realise and understand the whys as to the reason of the situation being awkward. And so, get to the source/origin of the moment being awkward.

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Saturday, 22 August 2015

Day 474 - Awkward moments

I see myself believing a lot of scenarios/situations to be 'awkward'. Each would have a different depiction of when a moment is 'awkward' or not, and these awkward moments will differ amongst all. The one awkward moment that well...not an awkward moment in reality, but awkward within belief...that I see, and that was the substance for this entry, was walking past one that I know, and walking past in silence/and or without 'seeing' or 'showing' that I saw/have even walked past that person. This moment has come up a lot at work, because people are always walking back and forth between places/past eachother. When I see what others do, it's not a constant acknowledgement/speech towards one EVERY TIME they walk past one that they know. And it makes sense this way, because I can walk past one that I know something like..5 times in the space of 5 minutes, it's not like I have to say something and/or THINK of something 'unique' to say every time I walk past them lol. But there you go, this is a belief I've had.

Having said all this, I have been working on this particular belief of an awkward situation - that is, walking past one that I know in SILENCE, as opposed to saying something or 'smiling' or 'humming' lol, in acknowledgement/actually...with the humming, it's more like to 'relief' myself of that awkward tension belief that I in fact manifest.

If I am to think of a 'general' awkward moment that many may agree on, it's...a couple that WERE together for years or however long, and then..not long after breaking up, they just happen to go to the same location and one of the partner's has a NEW partner, lol - awkward times ensue. Again, that is another belief of mine, but I was just showing a general one, really.

So, what's awkward or not comes down to beliefs one has about things/environments/situations/scenarios, and other things, how one grew up etc, how one interprets things and such, a lot of things equate to what is awkward/what is not.

More to come.

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Monday, 17 August 2015

Day 473 - My expressive side

The other day I was hanging out with some people, and this kid and I took a liking to eachother. Anyway, I ended up hanging out/conversing with this kid for the majority of the time. Once we got accustomed to one another, the kid started pulling a bunch of faces, sometimes with, sometimes without arm movements as well. Lol, it was very cool/funny. It turned into the kid performing these faces/movements, and then me replicating them. Every time I replicated what was done, the kid found this very amusing/funny. So, I was replicating these faces/movements, and then I noticed adults drawing their attentions to the kid and I doing these faces/movements. THAT is when I 'didn't put as much' into the replications.

That was when I was like "Shit, people must think I'm goofy/childish." and so I only half-heartedly did this faces/movements in turn to this kid. At the time, I saw that I WANTED to do 'all out' and express myself, my faces/my movements, just as the kid was, but I never reached my true potential once I 'believed' eyes were on me. If it were other kids watching me, I'd not care. Only them being adults, I thought they must see me as goofy/childish. Anyway, the kid was a great example for me/to me. Being able to express themselves without scant regard for who was watching, if anyone, was awesome! No fears of being seen as goofy/childish. She was a child herself, so more like, no fear of being seen as goofy.

I learnt a lot more from this kid, than I have learnt from an adult in a long time. Thank you kid!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear expressing myself to my true potential out of fear of being seen/judged by myself as 'goofy' and 'childish'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view pulling faces/arm movements/any movements as goofy/childish and not something an 'adult' should do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realise and understand that what the kid was doing was totally in the moment/here, she was enjoying herself, without regard to what onlookers were doing/how they would/may judge on what she was doing, the enjoyment was the only factor, as it should be.

So, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not 'put my all' into the movements/faces that I was replicating, purely out of fears/judgments created within and as myself as being goofy/childish and 'inappropriate' for an adult to do/perform.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be purely in the moment/here, and thus as to be able to perform the faces/movements in totality of my physical body, and so be able to express/enjoy the moment with the kid fully/mutually.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress my 'expressive' side in favour of being 'adult'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be an expressive adult/person/human/life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself based on the ideas of what I believe an adult should/should not do and what a kid should/should not do.

When and as I see myself desiring to express myself fully, no matter what the face/movement/action, and then having backchats about it being 'goofy' or 'childish' or 'inappropriate' - I stop and breathe. I realise that being an adult does not change what I can/cannot do in my life. I realise that expression in its purest form is a GIFT that all have, the potential that all have, and so I commit myself to express my expression in its purest form, because I live for the moment, here, and I do NOT allow my own self-created judgments/fears to deter me on expressing myself/enjoying myself with others/myself.

I commit myself to not be a 'straight' person in terms of having basically ONE face/one expression/one movement, which is so one dimensional, it is beyond belief. I commit myself to be multi-dimensional, whereas I can express/enjoy, relax, have fun, because in doing so, I do not suppress who I am/what I can be, and in doing so I be an example of being here, in the moment, and get to really enjoy a moment for what it is, whether it's with others or not, it is fun and cool.

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Friday, 14 August 2015

Day 472 - A difference all of a sudden, embracing change part 2

When and as I see myself failing to embrace CHANGE, I stop and breathe. I realise that the 'comfort factor' that ties in with the 'familiar' version of myself is something that I MUST LET GO OF, because in failing to let go of this familiar version of myself, I don't allow change to exist within me FULLY. I don't allow myself to exist within and as change if I choose to 'be comfortable' within a singular/familiar version of who I am as an individual. So, I commit myself to NOT FEAR losing 'who I am' or what I am/who I was/how I was/what I did, because I KNOW that despite all these factors changing within me every being, and despite the path being unknown to me, I know that the path is the correct path, and the only path, so I commit myself to walk down the path of change, and I commit myself to head into unknown territory, with the knowledge that what is best for all life awaits me within the changes that I make within every being of my body.

I commit myself to UP my game, so that I can reach higher levels, and in essence, the best version of myself that I can possibly be. I commit myself to adhere to the changes that behold me. I commit myself to NOT stop myself from doing something that I 'wouldn't usually do' as to allow that change/changed me to come through within and as my physical body for all to see. I do commit myself to be an example of real and actual change, knowing that for change to occur at its utmost, familiarity must be dropped, it must be deleted, but also with the knowing that the familiarity that was me, was a bunch of patterns that I created within myself/were preprogrammed within and as me - and those old patterns must be rid of for me to be what is best for all life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear stepping into unknown territory, and fearing what will exist for me if I am to step into the unknown.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that unknown territory ONLY leads to 'bad' things happening to me/others.

I commit myself to embrace the unknown, because in doing so, I get to live new/real experiences/changes, I get to learn more, and finally, I get to embrace the changes that I require within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that losing my familiarity will makes others perhaps 'not like me anymore' within belief of them 'not liking the new me' or 'the changed me'. But within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing relationships with others. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not do what simply needs to be done, whether relationships dissipate/form/whatever happens regarding relationships, because I change for me firstly, and then for others, to be an example to them, to assist/support them, whether past relationships fail to succeed or not, that is the decision of another/an external point, and thus I must accept that, and do accept that, for my change to be fully realised within and as myself.

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Thursday, 13 August 2015

Day 471 - A difference all of a sudden, embracing change

The fear of actually making that leap..
Gradually and gradually, I am changing. I am changing into what it means to be what is best for all. With that, the changes can be quite dramatic. Sometimes I do 'implement' these changes, and other times I do not 'on purpose' - that is because I want others to recognise the 'me' that they know me as. Like, it's like doing something that would shock/surprise them, because it's not something that they ever thought/believed that I would do. But actually, now of course I see that it is cool that I can do those different things that I/others did not believe I was capable of doing. How cool is it to be that example of change, that proof of change, a living and practical/physical example of change, it's very cool.

So, it is very limiting to only show myself as someone that one is 'familiar' with. And by sticking to this familiar formula, it is evidently the exact same as suppression. I am changing, but I am not allowing this change to exist fully, because I am NOT living this change. It's shit to keep this change that I know I have gone through, just bottled up inside of me, purely out of fear of showing it to another, because I don't want to 'shock' them by doing something/being something that they are not familiar with. It's tied in with expectations. Most people live life expecting about how one is. With family, friends etc.

So yes, it all comes back to myself. I have to accept change. I mean, change, IF it is a healthy change, is super cool. All of these writings are a key for my change. They will change me. I WANT them to change me. And with change, does come a loss of familiarity with myself. Because, yes, my whole being changes, the things I like, the things I like to do, how I do things, what I do etc. It's vital for me to embrace change. Because, I do still see myself as being an obstacle for my own change. The change is happening, it is evident, but to bring the change through into my own physical being, that requires acceptance from myself, and with that, an acceptance that the 'old' me will become a BETTER me, and the best me that I can be - I commit myself to embrace the changes that behold me.

More to come.

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Wednesday, 12 August 2015

Day 470 - What's that sound? Distractions part 2

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing external sounds to be 'distractions' to me and within this, allow them to 'distract' me from what I need/want to do at that time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deem any sound that I find 'too loud' or 'annoying' as a 'distraction' and within this, use the 'distraction' as an excuse as to why I do not do something to the standard that I'd 'like' to do it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realise and understand that something is only a distraction IF I SAY/BELIEVE IT TO BE.

So, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT be totally 'here' within my physical body as I do things that I want/need to do and to focus upon, because if I was in fact 'here' within and as my physical body, then I'd not give these external sounds a second glance/listen, so, I'd NOT allow them to dictate me/what I do whatsoever and thus they'd not be 'distractions'.

When and as I see myself in the process of doing something that requires focus and I in the background, hear external sounds and such that I BELIEVE to be an impact on what it is that I am focusing upon, I stop and breathe. I realise that no matter the sound/how loud the sound, there's no reason for me to not be able to do what it is that I want to do to the best of my capabilities. In other words, there's no reason/excuse for me to make in regards to external sounds/external anything's. So, I commit myself to not allow any external sounds/noises to direct/dictate me in any way, shape or form when I am doing something that requires focus. I commit myself to be aware/realise that the sound exists whilst doing something that requires focus, and to simply leave it at that, so, be aware of it, but do what I need to do/focus upon, just as I'd do, sound or no sound externally.

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Tuesday, 11 August 2015

Day 469 - What's that sound? Distractions

Currently I am hearing the sound of something, but what exactly? I do not know. I hear it most nights. In the kitchen, someone is doing something. I am not totally sure, but I believe it may be a rice cooker, and the sound of steam coming out. Not used a rice cooker before, or seen it in action properly, but this is what I believe. The sound is quite loud. A distraction? Well, that is up to me. Is it not? The world is alive. The world is not silent. I am not silent 100% of the time, of course not. I have seen myself reacting to this particular sound. But, what can be done? If someone is cooking, or whatever they're doing in the kitchen, then what. It's just how it is. Sounds must be made a lot of the time! Pitch/decimal level dependent on the activity, and, on the life that is making the sound. Lots of factors are involved.

I admit, when I write, I do like silence. But again, here, what am I doing? I'm blaming others for sound/objects for sound. I mean jee, if I want full silence, I'd have to build concrete walls to block out sound, live in a concrete house, concrete roof etc. And live by myself. In solidarity. Eh, no thanks. These 'distractions' are only 'distractions' when it is something that I see that I must/need/want to focus upon. And writing is up there with something I want to focus on. Funny though, writing this far, so far, I have not even considered the sound of the apparent rice cooker. Yes, I can hear it as I write/type this, but it's not changing my writing, it's not making me spell incorrectly (note, does not mean no spelling errors have been made up to this point) so that is that.

It's interesting. I had interpreted this entry to be about something different. Yes, about the sound, but, well, about not knowing what the sound was, which I did actually write out, but it's cool how writing always leads to something, and I mean, ALWAYS. And I never know until I start doing the physical act of writing. I see this too, which is funny, that I can write a title for this entry, which I have (may or may not change later) and then a whole new point opens up, one that I simply did NOT expect to write about/did not even know existed. But, it begs the question, why did I write about this particular sound in the first place? Because, it's something that is integrated into me, I've heard it lots, reacted lots, so writing about it, I saw enough 'worth' in it to write it out, but as I said, what comes from the writing, I do not

Another distraction just occurred. This time, my mobile phone, calls/texts. Although funnily enough, this does not bother me AS MUCH as the 'steaming' sound. The sounds that are not by my doing/direction, they are the ones that 'distract' me the most. Anyway. Next time I'll write sf/sc about distractions.

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Monday, 10 August 2015

Day 468 - The future, uncertainties

I see that right now I am stressing about the future. Kind of just popped up out of nowhere as I was about to write this. The future is in my hands for the most part. What I do now, how/what I direct now in my present, will have an impact on my future. Of course, at the same time, I am no fortune teller. There are always uncertainties. I don't know what exactly will happen in the next minute/hour/day. Although, I do have a brief outline as to what I am going to do after I write this, for instance. Yes, external events can impact/alter that outline.

Uncertainties. Life is uncertain. Nothing in this present world is guaranteed. If all humans knew of Desteni and initiated themselves in DIP Lite for starters, forum participation and their Journey's to Life, then we really could live a life that was almost entirely guaranteed, if not yes, entirely guaranteed. I say 'almost' entirely guaranteed, because the weather for instance is not always as predictable as we think. But in terms of abuse, accidents (?) or more like, car collisions caused by the mind (stress, worry, fear, alcohol, phone distractions) - it is GUARANTEED that, with effort, with self-honesty, with assistance from one another, that will become a thing of the past - that is the world I want to live in. Whether I ever get to live in a world where one and all have initiated their processes within Desteni is to be seen. That would be brilliant. But I can't get ahead of myself. The present now - is to raise AWARENESS of Desteni, to make people realise, in any way, shape or form, with all of my will, that walking one's process within Desteni must be done. There is no other way, no other method.

But as I said earlier, currently, uncertainties exist in a large way. I simply have to live with them, as does all life. Until we change, these uncertainties will loom large and make us live in fear/worry until death. suppresses uncertainties and just simply ignores them. But, that is just bottling up thoughts/fears/worries, until eventually, and time and time again, that bottle explodes and unleashes hell for one/all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear uncertainties.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the things that I have no control over, realising that whether I like it or not, I must accept that uncertainties will and do exist in our current society, and so I as do all other life, have to deal with uncertainties, until we as humans AWAKEN and assist/support ourselves/eachother as what is best for all life.

When and as I see myself fearing about what may/may not happen for whatever reason or another that is NOT within my hands/not within my doing/direction, I stop and breathe. I realise that I must live now, for the now, the present, here. I realise that while I'm on Earth, I must do what I can to spread the word of Desteni, to raise awareness for others, to, along with other Destonians, create many, many chapters within and as Desteni, because every single one of our blog's/vlog's, whatever it is, is a vital piece of the puzzle and every single piece helps. So, I commit myself to continue assisting/supporting my fellow Destonians as to BE this awareness, to be this example of what it means to live as what is best for all life, to show that change CAN happen, to show that anyone can change, with effort/self-honesty/support and assistance from one another.

I commit myself to NOT skip a day of writing/assisting and supporting, UNLESS necessary, because...I don't know what will happen to me tomorrow, I could no longer exist here, and so, I must do all that I can now, here, because, without Desteni, we are quite literally all FUCKED.

I commit myself to continue spreading the word of Desteni, the blogs/vlogs that I create, the example that I show/am, doing all that I can, until I die.

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Friday, 7 August 2015

Day 467 - Jealousy part 2

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have an inability to speak to women comfortably, as I can do with men.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that women are completely different to men.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have to be a 'different' person and/or personality within my mind dependent on whether I'm talking to a man or a woman.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this 'love' construct to get in the way of me simply talking to a woman, as I do so with a man, and within this, believing that I have to meet these 'expectations' of 'satisfying' a woman via my behaviours/speech and my general demeanor, and allowing this to in fact prove to be a blockage/obstacle, because I attempt to meet all these pre-programmed patterns via society standards and self-creation of my own doing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to when speaking to a woman that I see as a potential 'candidate' as a partner, 'lose my cool/self' and again, allow this love construct to take over whereas I am NOT talking to her purely for conversation sake and to learn/grow, BUT, am instead talking to her to see whether we are compatible in terms of a relationship/partnership - so I see, realise and understand that this starting point of talking to some women for the sake of relationship/partnership compatibility is what leads me 'off track' and what leads me into the programmed construct of 'love' and 'lust' and wanting to impress and so on.

So, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to constantly be 'on the lookout' for a partner and within this, lose my sense of stability and lose my sense of who I am as a physical being/body when/whilst talking to a woman.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to 'chase' a relationship/partnership.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I will 'lose my chance' if I am to simply 'be myself' meaning, be a stable individual who is evidently 'not in it' for the relationship/partnership construct.

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Thursday, 6 August 2015

Day 467 - Jealousy

This is basically only in relation to others that are my age/around my age, I have a jealousy reaction within and as myself, if for instance, I see that they 'look' 'popular'. Or, if I see that yes..they're popular, but popular with women. Also, I see that I become this 'jealous' personality within my mind when I see the 'confidence' this other male shows. If I look at the 'popularity' personality, and why I am envious of it, usually one is popular/visibly popular, because they exude confidence. But also, that confidence can have a foundation of ego. Confidence and ego can just feed off eachother.

Whether one is exuding this ego/confidence style is not important to me/for me. Either way, I'm reacting to this confidence/popularity of males my age/in the vicinity of my age. I also see that as I've grown up, for me at least, it's always been about 'how many women one has' or...'how one speaks/interacts with women' like, that is seen as a guideline of how 'cool' and/or 'popular' one is. That is just for me though, like, seeing and living these behaviours in school for instance. School is the main place, really, for all these programs to come up. And then one in that scenario, mind intact, just places people in different groups/categories, I know I have, and I know others have done the same to me. And then of course one sees who is popular, who is confident, who can talk to women comfortably, who can ahem 'pick up' women effortlessly. These were all seen as 'good' attributes within school/as growing up.

So, when I see this behaviour and these personalities these days, I participate within memories of when I was in school, and I was a quiet/shy person, and barely ever spoke to women, no confidence, no popularity, and I was always envious/jealous of those males who seemingly 'made it look easy' and had women 'all over them' and so on. It goes without saying, I have this belief that I 'can't make inroads' with women. Yes, now I see here that it's mainly in relation to women too. Jealousy of the male, and how he talks to women/the women around him, these things.

I see here that one of the main factors also, is seeing women as in my mind, basically, a totally different species to a male human lol. Like, a completely different life form, which is bizarre and hilarious. Clear separation. Female and male humans are the same, obviously body differences, but nothing else. So, when I see another male, who is easily getting along/talking to women and so on, I participate within jealousy, because I believe that I cannot do the same. I believe that I have an inability to talk to women, as I do with men. I believe that certain conditions/elements/risks appear when talking to women. For men, I find it rather easy to talk/converse with them. So I am certainly participating within and as separation, for having this inability to see that women are the exact same as men, that we are all life, we are both humans, and that is that.

More to come.

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Monday, 3 August 2015

Day 466 - Stereotyping

I see that I still 'insist' and believe in some stereotypes. One of them was what I saw today. I was at the park, and I heard this 'loud' car go past me. It was loud in the sense that the engine itself was louder than the 'standard' car, as was the exhaust (don't know a lot about cars, but something along these lines). So, immediately, I believed the driver to 'most likely' be a rather young/youngish male, who most likely has an affinity with cars, who most likely replaced parts of the car, got a new exhaust, for 'loudness' purposes, perhaps, either way - I believed immediately this person to be someone who was a car lover, and loved car modifications.

I saw the driver come out of the car, and it was a quite elderly gentleman. I was surprised, because this person did not fit the description of what this person would look like in my mind. In relation to this particular stereotype that I believe to be true, I see that I have this unnecessary 'fear' of this type of individual, particularly a young/youngish male, with the 'hotted up car' who is evidently trying to 'make a statement'. I see that this fear again has to do with stereotypes. I'll continue on with my initial point for now though.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place certain people in categories based on beliefs that I have of the person/what the person does/how they do something.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to already upon 'seeing' the stereotype within my mind and 'living' this stereotype through manifestation, judge, change my behaviour, fear and just generally alter who I am as a stable being through participation within backchats.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take each and every individual life as it is, no matter how/what they do/what their possessions are/are not.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail to see, realise and understand that a stereotype/and/or grouping certain people together in any way, shape or form, is the exact same as a judgment.

When and as I see myself placing someone within a category based upon the stereotype that I have of that individual, I stop and breathe. I realise that this stereotype/judgment participation that I have of another and manifest within and as myself, is unhealthy and not what is best for all life in any way, shape or form. I realise that what IS best for all life, is to simply take each and every individual as they are, in the moment, with no prior judgments/backchats/stereotypes of who I 'believe' that person to be prior to seeing/talking to them. I commit myself to DELETE the stereotypes that I have and participate within and as. I commit myself to take each and every individual, literally, individually, without immediate/prior judgments/backchats/stereotypes of what I believe that person to be.

When and as I see myself desiring to satisfy the relation of another with the stereotype that I have of them within my mind, I stop and breathe. I realise that through the desire to satisfy this relation of another to the stereotype that I have of them within my mind, I am only energising the stereotype within also wanting to make it 'fact' - but either way, it will never be 'fact' - because within each time that I do relate one to a stereotype, I just 'forget' to include/remember the times when I see one who DOES NOT fit the stereotype that I had/believed of them to be. So, I commit myself to stop fuelling a stereotype that I have of another/anyone/anything. I commit myself to see that any grouping together of individuals is just a judgment, I commit myself again, to take every individual as themselves/for themselves.

So, I commit myself to not come to automatic 'conclusions' based upon another and what they do/how they are/look at all.
To realise that no life is just a 'conclusion' or just a 'stereotype' - to realise that everyone/everything has a 'history' behind them, as to what they are/how they exist, and they all have a life, just like my own - and to realise this, is to relate to them, to see them as my own/as me, and as another life that is just as vital/important/necessary as my own/myself.

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Sunday, 2 August 2015

Day 465 - Moment by moment, case by case part 2

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look back on a moment whereas I acted 'differently' to the way in which I usually had acted/done something, and then participate within these fears of doing something that was different to the standard pattern that I usually apply in that general situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it's impossible to approach something that I regularly do, differently each time, even if the differences are minimal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I must follow an exact route/path/pattern each and every time I do something, for it to 'work out' and/or to not participate within fears of doing something 'incorrectly'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realise and understand that as I do whatever it is that I do, given the context/situation that I'm in, I made those decisions for a reason, and so as long as it was a decision made as what is best for all, then it's a decision to accept/allow, and to then move on from that situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look back at anything I did previously, and then ponder within my mind about whether it was the appropriate thing/course of action to take.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realise and understand that within self-honesty, I am/will be aware of whether I make a decision/movement based upon my physical body, or a decision/movement based upon direction of my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear to stray away from patterns that I've programmed myself within and as.

I commit myself to do something based upon previous knowledge/what is best for all, given the situation at hand, and to NOT fear that perhaps this action that I take is not 'in line' with previous actions that I took. Remembering that given the situation at hand, my actions CAN and WILL differentiate accordingly, because situations are always different, and so I commit myself to take each situation as it comes/happens, and to act ACCORDING to that given situation, and to NOT act according to the patterns that I've programmed myself within and as, because in following the patterns that I've programmed myself within and as, I DISREGARD the situation at hand, in favour for 'what I'm used to' and 'what I've become accustomed to' purely because I believe it to be the only way and/or that applying the same pattern is necessary each and every time.

When and as I see myself in the moment of beginning to fear that something I did previously regarding an action/movement that I took based upon a situation is actually 'incorrect' because I realise that I did not follow my 'usual' pattern of action/movement in relation to the situation, I stop and breathe. I realise that my actions/movements should be based purely on the context/situation at hand, and NOT the 'usual' patterns that I've become accustomed to through programming myself within and as them.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that I always do what I do for a reason, and so, I commit myself to accept all actions that I take, and to leave it at that - of course, unless it's obviously an action that I have taken based upon participation within my mind.

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