Thursday, 13 August 2015
Day 471 - A difference all of a sudden, embracing change
The fear of actually making that leap..
Gradually and gradually, I am changing. I am changing into what it means to be what is best for all. With that, the changes can be quite dramatic. Sometimes I do 'implement' these changes, and other times I do not 'on purpose' - that is because I want others to recognise the 'me' that they know me as. Like, it's like doing something that would shock/surprise them, because it's not something that they ever thought/believed that I would do. But actually, now of course I see that it is cool that I can do those different things that I/others did not believe I was capable of doing. How cool is it to be that example of change, that proof of change, a living and practical/physical example of change, it's very cool.
So, it is very limiting to only show myself as someone that one is 'familiar' with. And by sticking to this familiar formula, it is evidently the exact same as suppression. I am changing, but I am not allowing this change to exist fully, because I am NOT living this change. It's shit to keep this change that I know I have gone through, just bottled up inside of me, purely out of fear of showing it to another, because I don't want to 'shock' them by doing something/being something that they are not familiar with. It's tied in with expectations. Most people live life expecting about how one is. With family, friends etc.
So yes, it all comes back to myself. I have to accept change. I mean, change, IF it is a healthy change, is super cool. All of these writings are a key for my change. They will change me. I WANT them to change me. And with change, does come a loss of familiarity with myself. Because, yes, my whole being changes, the things I like, the things I like to do, how I do things, what I do etc. It's vital for me to embrace change. Because, I do still see myself as being an obstacle for my own change. The change is happening, it is evident, but to bring the change through into my own physical being, that requires acceptance from myself, and with that, an acceptance that the 'old' me will become a BETTER me, and the best me that I can be - I commit myself to embrace the changes that behold me.
More to come.