Wednesday, 2 September 2015
Day 480 - Starting point when talking to another
Occasionally, I like to and be 'able' to talk to others who I've never spoken before whilst on the train/in public places. Talking, in terms of getting to know them, and where it leads from there, well, that's anyone's guess. I see now that a LOT can come from two individuals meeting. I see it as really cool one way or the other, because I get to find out about someone, their life depending on how much they want to share, and so on.
At the same time, I've had this one particular fear that If I am to talk to one gender particularly, that being, the female gender - then I will look like a male who is 'desperate' and/or is only interested in sexual relations. A few times, this has physically stopped me from actually talking to someone, and now that I look back on those times, and even earlier, I could see that well...I lost that chance to get to know someone, learn from someone etc. So, of course it's best to just go through with the talking, do the talking, no matter who's watching/listening/judging. In the end, I'm just judging my own behaviours when/whilst talking/wanting to talk to a female in particular.
So then, yes, I'm judging myself in terms of the 'approach' I have to this/my starting point to talking to others. I have seen plenty of times where the male approaches the female, and it's evident that it's a flirtation-type of approach, and flirtation happens. At the same time, it's NOT always the 'reason' for this male to female talking approach. And of course, if I'm self-honest within myself/my approach, then I have no reason to 'fear' being portrayed within and as the starting point of something not particularly cool in the sense of being 'desperate' and 'only in it for the sex'. Those 2 go hand in hand anyway, really.
I commit myself to initiate conversation with all/anyone, no matter their gender and no matter the beliefs I have of the 'male approaching female' scenario with the starting point of desperation/sex/flirtation within the mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to externalise my starting point of talking to another with how/why others talk to others, when in reality, only my OWN starting point/my own reasons for initiating conversation with another actually matter, because self-honestly, I know why I am doing this/what I want from it, and NOBODY ELSE does know in fact, they can only assume if they will within their minds.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to belief that I cannot 'avoid' the 'cliche' that I've witnessed within my life for the most part, of seeing a male approach a female with the starting point of desperation/sex/flirtation, and that ALL occasions of me approaching a female will be me 'living' this cliche, when in reality, it only/may appear like this 'from the outer' - again, knowing that my starting point is not of this cliche/usual standard, it's simply of meeting/getting to know another, no 'strings' attached.
When and as I see myself in the moment of wanting to approach a female specifically for means of conversation/meeting another, and participating within the fear of 'how this approach looks' and/or of it being 'typical' of a male approaching a female for desperation/sex/flirtation, I stop and breathe. I realise that it just so HAPPENS to be a female that I am wanting to talk to/meet, and that the gender being female does not signify ANYTHING, unless yes, I allow these beliefs/judgments appear within myself of how it is 'typical' and 'creepy' and so on for a male to approach a female in any way whatsoever. So, I commit myself to again, look at my starting point for wanting to talk to a female, and see that there are no 'bad' intentions or 'wrong' intentions to do with the mind that come into play when I want to get to know somebody. And I commit myself to realise that it's simply a kind act, a way of learning and so on, because no place is an 'off limits' place to get to know/meet/talk to another - and it doesn't have to BE in a workplace/school environment, which I have believed it to be.
Within that last statement, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that talking/meeting of another has to be done in a school/work environment as the 'natural' order of things/meeting another. I commit myself to not limit myself/my environment to who I do/do not meet/talk to/get to know. I commit myself to see, realise and understand that I am living on a canvas of life, and no 'social norms' can stop me from doing what I want in terms of here, being able to meet/talk to others within a clear/stable starting point of meeting/getting to know people, simply.