Monday, 7 September 2015

Day 483 - Fear of making vlog

In this video, you'll come to see why this blog title Where it originated.
I'll explain though. Because, I have made vlogs before, but the circumstances were somewhat different. In the past, I had made vlogs in my car with the windows rolled up, so that nobody and/or the sound would lessen/be non-existent. THIS time, I had my windows rolled down a bit, so, well, I believe my voice was and could be more widely heard. I had made one vlog and I heard the sound of a gate or something, and freaked out - stopped the video lol. Stopped the recording and yeah. I made another video, straight after, which is the one attached here.

I know this video is not 'ideal' in the sense of being direct and/or without fail, but, either way, I mean for me at least, it's a learning experience. How else would I know I had this fear of making vlogs in 'public' without DOING so? Also, I see this video as an example of a bridge. NOBODY instantly gets over fears and such. And through this video/vlog, I can see in future, that 'Hey, I've come really damn far in terms of making vlogs/getting over my fear of vlogs!' and that is cool. Also, no vlogs are 'perfect'. People cough, sneeze etc. Vlogs should be REAL, show who we are/what we are, instead of hiding/suppressing, because of fears/beliefs/judgment/society.

Anyway, back to this fear of making vlogs and, being seen making vlogs, even heard. GENERALLY, what I know of vlogs/have seen of vlogs, is on Youtube, and usually in the sense of what I see as 'meaningless' things. Such as how to apply make up - I mean, there are lots of examples. Now that I think about it though, there are also plenty of cool vlogs I'm sure. Actually, I don't even know the exact definition of vlogs lol. A moving selfie? I think so. One doesn't record a car crash and call it a vlog..I don't think - I am pretty sure a vlog is for the most part, talking into the camera, recording, yeah - talking about this and that. Either way, there are definitely cool/not cool examples of vlogs on the internet.

Also, I have this fear about..well, from another that says something like 'Jee, he thinks a lot OF himself to be making vlogs ABOUT himself and ABOUT how 'good' he is.' OKAY, so obviously this belief is totally off topic, I mean, it's strictly incorrect. I am not making vlogs about how 'good' I am, or because of some ego thing/build up. I am making vlogs to share with others, to be an example, to 'enlighten' others to things, to Desteni - my starting point is one, for lack of a better word.

So, my fear of making a vlog - what does it come down to?
It comes down to being seen as 'being so good' and 'thinking I'm all THAT'. Lol, things like that.

So, I'll continue with this next time.