Friday, 18 September 2015
Day 494 - The weight of my choices
When I am asked about something/my perspective on something, usually I basically say 'it's up to you' - as in, I don't mind, it's YOUR choice to make. And through this, I don't get to 'put in my 2 cents' so to speak. I don't give myself the opportunity to say something/make a suggestion/state my perspective. So of course, this is my fault - not another's. I make the decision on whether to actually say something or not. I make the decision on whether to say something, or give another the decision/choice to make.
So, within the 'I don't mind, it's your choice' answer, I see that I don't see my own suggestions/perspectives/comments as 'important' or 'necessary' within contribution compared to others/another. So I believe like, 'my perspective/suggestion/comment won't be great, so I'll just leave it to another to decide and make their own perspective/suggestion/comment' - that is how it is. So yeah, I see my own choices as not holding as much weight as others, which is just self-defeat. And suppression of course, just choosing to bottle the things I want/have to say up inside me, when in reality, I know I could assist/add to something to make something better/have a preference that suits me/others and so on.
I mean, if someone asks me about something, then they obviously WANT an ACTUAL answer from me, not just a 'YOU DECIDE' lol. That defeats the purpose of them asking me about something in the first place. If it's evident that another wants my perspective about something, then I should give it. Not just because they want that, but because I myself should want to contribute/assist any way that I can.
So, it's for me to realise that what I have to say holds JUST AS MUCH 'weight' as whatever anyone else says. No choices/decisions/answers/perspectives/statements are 'less than' another's. We each have something to add, input to add. If it's JUST down to ONE person or a few people, then less ideas happen, less assistance, less help, and just LESS in general. The best thing is to have a whole bunch of perspectives from each person, because that undoubtedly gets the best results.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my words don't hold as much weight as another's words.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail to see, realise and understand that each one's words are just as valuable as another's words, and NO one person's words are 'less valuable' than another's - we each can contribute to a better world and better solutions within the world if we EACH contribute.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail to give an appropriate reply to another asking me about something, because I believe within my mind, my words to be 'not helpful' and so disregard the answer that I KNOW I actually want to say within and as my physical self.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not put my physical body at the forefront, as to answer/reply to anything that one asks of me, so that I can assist/suggest for what is best for all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as self-defeat/self-disregard through keeping my words bottled up inside of me, suppressing them, when I KNOW within my physical self that saying what I HAVE to say is of benefit to all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realise and understand that people asking for my input is a great thing, because it gives me the opportunity to give my own 'personal' input/advice/statement/perspective to another to assist them/myself/others.
When and as I see myself believing my words to 'not hold as much weight' as another's words, I stop and breathe. I realise that this belief of 'not holding as much weight' as another's words is pure self-defeat and suppression, because at the time, I KNOW I have something to say, that I want to say, to add, for input, but then the mind STOPS me, which I allow it to, I allow it to stop me from going through with the input that I want to add as my physical self. So, I commit myself to add/answer whatever it is that I see fit within the moment, because I see, realise and understand my words to be as valuable/important as any other's words - nothing says otherwise, except my mind, which I've allowed to exist as this, within the self-defeat/disregard of the words that I have/want to say.
I commit myself to say what I want to say, and I commit myself to say what I deem appropriate within the given situation, to assist all.
I commit myself to contribute to discussions and such, because I, as everyone else's input is valuable/helpful for all. The more contributions, the better.