Monday, 5 October 2015
Day 502 - Helping another, superiority
The other day I was on the train, and someone asked me whether we had gone past a certain station or not as of yet. I answered, and after answering and assisting this individual, I felt this feeling of superiority within and as myself. I was glad to had assisted another, but I let this 'get to my head' and well, allowed my ego to dictate. Also, before this instance of assistance, I was comfortable/stable whilst waiting for the train to reach its destination, but as soon as this instance occurred, I felt like I had to 'act' a certain way, act in a 'superior' sort of way, and I showed this somewhat through kind of making my posture more upright, rather than 'sluggish'.
It was not cool, and I was clearly being directed by energy here within superiority/posture change to upright.
So, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to allow the assistance of another to 'get to my head' and then want to 'show' this superiority feeling of energy within and as myself, through moving my body into an upright posture/position as I have connected superiority with being upright and 'bigger' than others and I saw this being 'bigger' than others being possible through having an upright position/posture, rather than being perhaps 'sluggish' and 'uninterested'.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not assist another and LEAVE IT AT THAT.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to justify superiority/the feeling of superiority within and as myself, through being able to assist another and ONLY ME being able to assist another, when in reality, I was ONLY asked for assistance, because I was the CLOSEST in proximity/within speaking distance of the individual who wanted assistance.
So within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to BEND the truth/reality within my mind of being simply in close proximity of the individual asking for advice, and bending this truth within mind/mental gymnastics to 'form' this justification that I was asked, because I am 'holy' and/or 'superior' to others/anyone else, and within this, giving myself 'extra points' for giving the correct answer, so even moreso, going further into justifications within my mind to 'act' superior through upright positioning/posture - which all in all is BEYOND separation.
Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to look 'too much into' things in any way, shape or form, whereas I constantly bend the TRUTH/REALITY of a situation/anything to/for MY OWN LIKING and/or what I'd LIKE the situation TO MEAN, and of course within this, ignoring/failing to see the reality/truth of the situation/what is at hand.
When and as I see myself believing it to be justified to 'act' superior/within and as ego for assisting another and/or being chosen for assistance, I stop and breathe. I realise that giving assistance is simply what is best for all in any given situation, and I realise that assisting another is NEVER a reason/justification to act in ANY different mannerism/behaviour in any way, shape or form. So, I commit myself to upon assisting another, and if feeling a 'justification' of superiority coming on of assisting another and/or being asked to assist another, to stop, breathe - and to quit playing the mental/mind gymnastics that I've participated within and as/played my whole life to make situations 'to my liking' within my OWN mind - and so as to be able to see the situation/moment STRICTLY for what it is within simplicity, within physicality, here - and that is only assisting another, as I would like to be assisted in return, giving what I'd like to receive/how I'd like to receive - this is what is missing from us as life.
When and as I see myself desiring to alter my body/position/posture to a more 'upright' stance/posture/way as to act on this energetic reaction of superiority, I stop and breathe. I realise that ANY signs/desires of wanting to do this are an immediate flag situation that I am being dictated/directed by something external of me - in this case, a superiority/ego energy within my mind. So, I commit myself to stop in the moment of a desire to change posture to 'suit' this superiority energy within myself, because I see, realise and understand that if I go forth at all with the change of posture/behaviour within superiority, I've given control to my mind, to superiority, to ego - and I must stop this at ALL times from happening, otherwise I am not/never physically HERE. Also, I commit myself to remind myself the reason for giving out assistance to another, and it's the simple reason of assisting another as what is best for all as what I'd like to receive, as they do - giving what I'd like to get back - with no STRINGS attached in any form of the word.