Tuesday, 6 October 2015

Day 503 - Hijacking a conversation


2 people are talking to eachother about a topic, I see an opportunity to interject, am I 'allowed' to? That sounded like a beginning of a joke, but it wasn't - really. I have this belief that it isn't my 'right' and/or I'm not 'allowed' to ahem, 'interfere' if others are talking to eachother, which is PREPOSTEROUS. How did/do any conversations begin? 1 person brings up a topic, THEN WHAT? Obviously, another has to INTERJECT and/or 'interfere' as I've believed it to be, an interference, when it's not that, it's merely CONVERSATION. That is how conversation works. And, the more the merrier as far as I'm aware. People putting in their 2 cents so to speak/adding their own contribution. It's all well in the world of conversation.

Come on though, this is just silly, this belief in itself, and all beliefs for that matter. No topic is off limits from me NOT INTERFERING, from me...contributing. That is the word, contributing. People contribute for conversation to happen, they do NOT interfere. Okay - interference. This is a good thing to talk about for me.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that adding my own CONTRIBUTION to another conversation no matter the amount of people is INTERFERENCE, and within this belief that contribution = interference and/or they're the same thing/mean the same thing, never and/or rarely and sometimes have a resistance toward adding/contribution to a conversation, through believing it to be off-limits.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fail to see, realise and understand that the ONLY way 2 people can converse in any way, shape or form, is through 1 person contributing towards what ANOTHER said in the FIRST place. And so clearly, without contribution, conversation wouldn't exist, and we'd all be talking, and just...talking to ourselves....which is.............not fruitful.

Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be HERE/THERE at the 'start' of a conversation/conversation of topic, to be able to CONTRIBUTE - when in reality, I can of course contribute to any conversation at any stage, nothing is stopping me apart from myself seeing contribution = interference and them as interchangeable words/meanings/definitions.

So, when and as I see others talking to eachother, and I clearly missed the start of the conversation/topic, yet I want to/have something to contribute, BUT, participate within and as a resistance towards contributing, because I see any contribution I make as INTERFERENCE/HIJACKING, I stop and breathe. I realise that it's IMPOSSIBLE for me to hear out the START of every single happening/conversation that goes on, and I realise within this, that if that were to be the case, then I'd have almost NO opportunities to contribute within conversation, which is dull. So, I commit myself to breathe through the resistance of contribution/believing contribution to be the same as interference/hijacking, as to enjoy the moment with myself/others, and to add to conversation, again, for myself/others/for all.

When and as I see myself believing that any conversation between any number of people is 'off limits' - I stop and breathe. I also realise that this goes hand in hand with what I've done in the past/and so made a belief, in that...I'd wait for another to talk to me/question me, before actually saying anything - and to rely on this in reality, is really not fruitful/enjoyable at all.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to WAIT until another directs anything at me before actually CONTRIBUTING.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have no 'right' to speak until someone directs me to.

More to come.

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