Saturday, 17 October 2015

Day 511 - The reality of being sick/unhealthy


With medical check ups and things, I've seen that my fear of having these medical check ups has to do with the outcome. And the outcome of potentially being sick/unhealthy, which is something I do fear. Within my process with Desteni, it's really cool, because I'm really so much more aware of everything, and that goes for my physical body too. I can really see what foods/liquids are 'okay' for my body, and which are not. I am aware if I am in the sun for too long lol. That sounds like a 'normal' one, but I am more aware in that regard too, usually I'd not be as aware and get burnt all the time, not these days.

So here, at this very moment, no matter what I'm currently eating/drinking etc, my way of life, I feel fine. So this in itself, I see no reality to the potential situation of being sick/unhealthy. I mean of course if there were SIGNS of this, such as I don't know, weakness, tiredness at a constant, pains that keep coming up, heart problems, then it's best to get that checked out, because of course there's a high possibility that I am sick/unhealthy in some way.

THOUGH, despite this, there can still be scenarios where I want things tested, like blood pressure, allergies. SO, the reason for me getting medical attention is obviously not always from the starting point of a SIGN of something 'bad' within and as my physical body - it can be for checks/results to possibly improve my health in small ways.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear that I could be sick/unhealthy.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to when being in the position/scenario of getting checked up and/or having medical tests done to myself, automatically go into a fear within my mind of what the outcome will be, and going into a fear that the outcome will be NEGATIVE and that I will be sick/unhealthy.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT come to terms with the reality of a situation whereas I actually DO see a problem with my physical body, get a check up, and still desire for there to be NOTHING wrong with my physical body, which is obviously unreasonable considering that I have an issue in the first place, these very tests are to find why/what is wrong to help me.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to be 100% fit/healthy at all times, and not wanting to hear anything to the contrary.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that during a test, no matter the reason for it, it IS what it IS, the outcome is what it IS, so unless during the test a 'mistake' happened for whatever reason, the outcome is final, and there is NO running 'away' from fact/reality - so I commit myself to accept the fact/reality of a situation whereas okay, there IS something wrong with me, and so it's vital that I do something about it to prevent it happening again/to improve my quality of life, because in the end, that is of course WHAT I WANT, even if it means ACCEPTING the fact that I am sick/unhealthy in the first place - it's best to act sooner rather than later.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to desire to live in a state of denial when it comes to my health and wanting to be super fit/healthy as to avoid even having any medical tests done to me/let alone seeing the outcome of a medical test.

Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that it is TOTALLY at my discretion as to whether I actually want to be checked up or not, and so also as to how my quality of life is/is not, so it's for me to first accept that there may be something wrong with me, because as I said, I want a potent life/high quality of life.

When and as I see myself feeling that 'something is not right' within my physical body and that it is recurring and/or simply something that I see needs attention in the form of medical assistance, yet I desire to AVOID IT, because I fear getting tested/the outcome of a test, I stop and breathe. I realise that the reality of a situation whereas 'something is not right' and/or I feel unwell/sick etc, it means something is UP, and it means that I require something to improve/fix myself for the quality of my life/my own physical body. I realise that I am not 100% fit/healthy. I realise that problems are rampant for all/the majority in terms of health issues/sicknesses, and it's no different for myself. So, I commit myself to accept that there is something wrong with me in terms of health/sickness, and I commit myself to get the attention that I require, whether that is medical testing or not, because it's of course vital for me to get a conclusion as to WHAT is wrong with me, because then I can get it FIXED and enjoy a healthier life which is something I want/need to be here on Earth.

When and as I in the moment of having a medical test done to me, and desiring to go into FEAR based on what the OUTCOME of the test will be, I stop and breathe. I realise that I must remain calm/stable in these situations, as any situation, because the outcome of a medical test is final in itself, and to want to run from it/seeing the outcome is to live in DENIAL of the issues that I am facing within and as my physical body, which only goes to lessen my quality of life here. So I commit myself to breathe in the situation of getting medical testing/attention, and to realise that the outcome is what I am there for, to see what/if I need anything to improve my health/to fix myself. I commit myself to put my physical body at the forefront of myself as life here, because without my physical body, I am literally dead.

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