Monday, 26 October 2015

Day 518 - "Just curious"


I've used this statement after gathering information from another, and then when they reply to me asking why I wanted to know of this information, I'd say "Just curious". But, what I see now is, it's not just 'plain' curiosity here, and that there is in fact always a reason/underlying intention as to why I wanted to KNOW of this information in the first place. "Just curious" is just a cop out, a way of not stating my true purpose/reason as to knowing this information.

Example: Speaking to a friend of my ex partner. "So, is she dating anyone currently?" Reply: "Yes, she's dating someone else, why do you ask, why does it matter?" Me replying: "Just curious." But really, there's a reason as to why I wanted to know whether my ex partner was dating another person/someone else. There is SOMETHING underlying this want to know this information, and it's up to me to find out why. Do I still have feelings for this ex partner of mine? Am I in some type of competition with her to find a new partner faster than she can? Do I have any negative tinged intentions aimed at her new partner, if she has one?

But, can I ask this same question for purposes strictly of conversation/caring of another? Yes, I can. But in this case, it shouldn't be a matter then of 'Just curious' - it should be one of being direct/upfront, such as.."Cool, just wondering how she is, as I haven't spoken to her for a long time, glad to know she's well/found a new partner, thanks for the update." You know, something like that. But, there's always something behind 'curiosity' - even when we don't want to admit it to another/ourselves.

The dictionary definition is "eager to know or learn something." But, what is the WHY to this eagerness to know or learn something? There has to be a reason for it. Otherwise it's just pointless information, for the sake of knowing something, but then doing nothing with it.

So, I see it as important to make sure any questions I ask are from a clear/stable starting point of something good, importance/conversation/caring/assistance - as opposed to questions of emotion, of feeling, of beliefs, of ill intentions, you know? Because in reality, if I'm asking questions from a stable starting point, then I should be able to say the WHY as to me wanting to know this information, as opposed to just curiosity.

More to come.

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