Saturday, 7 November 2015

Day 522 - What's the expected expression?


There are a lot of, within our current society, and within and as the use of our minds/being directed by our minds, there are a lot of 'expected' expressions/reactions to things in life/situations in life. Like, if things aren't 'going to plan' then one expects to be angry/frustrated, and others expect that person to be angry/frustrated, because that is how that person would feel given the same situation. So, we just reflect what we'd feel like in any given situation. Sadness over a death, sadness over missing someone. They all tie in with what we expect of eachother as 'humans' and so as emotions/feelings.

Here's what happened to me recently. So, I started this new job in a call-centre type place. Basically making calls to various individuals as to raise funds/donations for appeals/research purposes and such. Anyway, I was in a group of 5 people starting out. We were on the phones, making calls for about an hour, and 1 person in this group of us stated/believed that all 5 of us had taken in a donation. I was the only one that had not taken in a donations yet. So, I said "Not me!" Lol. And I got various shows of support from people such as "Don't give up!" "Don't worry about it." "Keep pushing!"

And within these responses, I started participating within and as this comparison game, comparing myself to these other individuals who had taken in donations. While I hadn't as of yet. I was kind of participating in a few dimensions. On the one hand, within and as the reality of the situation, it was NOT a competition, there were as of then, no 'bonuses' for taking in donations, and even if there were bonuses, it's still no competition with others. 2, there can be a myriad of factors, such as who one is talking to and/or how willing they are to donate, that person's situation at the time etc. It's all random after all, on who speaks to who and so on. But also 3, I was participating within and as defeat, defeat that I had not taken in any donations yet, but the rest have, belief that I was 'left behind' - that this situation is one of humiliation.

The reality of the situation, was that there was nothing I was 'doing wrong'. I was doing the exact same as others do, but it was just the way the cookie crumbled, it was just the way things were going, simple as that, really. Anyway, more and more, this defeat took over me. And I commented to others in the group about my lack of donation-getting, and I got reassuring comments to hang in there. But all this time, I was like "What the Hell, I KNOW the reality of this situation, and it's not a competition whatsoever, and it's not a race, and taking in no donations as of yet whilst everyone else has is NOT a threat to me as a person at all." BUT, I still wanted to show this defeated character, this victim character. I wanted to play the part of the 'expected person' and the 'expected reaction' and I saw that as self-defeating, being self-defeated, being the one who sucks at this job etc, through comparison with others who had 'done better than me' etc.

It was silly, really. I should have stayed true to myself and been an EXAMPLE of stability through and through, yet, I wanted to be/show what I saw that others would be/show in this same situation, so one of self-defeat. Whether that was through encouraging comments by others or by my own self-doing, this self-defeat, it was my self-responsibility to either show an act of self-defeat, or to show nothing, to see the reality of it all, to be stable - what I should have done/been, and within this, despite encouraging comments by others or not within reflecting themselves back to me within how they'd feel in my situation, it's still no reason to act in the 'expected fashion' in this instance of self-defeat within comparison/competition with others/what others are doing.

I played the game, the game of the 'expected' and so the game of the mind, even though I knew better, I really did - it was certainly failure on my behalf to go the way of the mind, instead of remaining a stable individual within seeing the reality of the situation and so seeing there as being no competition/no comparison.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the game of the 'expected' expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play along with the mind/the mind's of others through the 'usual' stuff, that being emotions/feelings/competitive nature/comparison and self-defeat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as the self-defeat character, when in reality, I knew that this self-defeat character was totally unnecessary/unrealistic and just not needed whatsoever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to revert back to old habits in terms of what I saw 'should' happen in the situation within and as emotions/feelings/reactions of the mind/being directed by my mind.

Within this, I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to 'fit in' with others and within this and through using this EXCUSE of fitting in with others, see it as acceptable to revert back to my old habits/ways within and as my mind and so within and as emotions/feelings/reactions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that within and as participating as this self-defeated character within competition/comparison, it was NOT even 'fully here' and I was not even participating within and as it fully, as I once was, this because I was AWARE that it was my mind, and I was AWARE that I COULD have STOPPED myself from participating and/or half-participating within and as this character/my mind, yet I was wanting to show/be what was 'expected' of me within and as the 'usual' 'human' ways, which are of course in fact just the ways of the MIND of humans.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that stability and/or the not showing of emotions/feelings/reactions is WEIRD and UNHEARD OF. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that because stability/the lack of emotion/feeling/reaction is certainly rare, it's my excuse of it being rare as a means of not BEING IT, myself. I forgive myself that I have thus accepted and allowed myself to skip being an example of stability in favour of 'the old ways' and 'the common ways' and within these, the ways of the MIND as what is 'expected' and 'common place' amongst the majority of humans here on Earth. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge stability/no emotion/feeling/reaction as STRANGE/UNUSUAL/WEIRD, purely because it is NOT common place amongst the MINDS of humans, and so use this as excuse for not wanting to/not being an example of stability/no emotion/feeling/reaction.

When and as I see myself desiring to use the 'expected' emotion/feeling/reaction of what IS common place amongst humans, albeit within and as the MIND, I stop and breathe. I realise that the whole point of being an EXAMPLE of stability is to NOT REVERT back to these old ways for the mere sake of 'appearing normal' or 'appearing like the rest'. I realise that me as an example is that of people to follow/look up to and so want to be the same, which is my self-responsibility as myself/for others, and so for CHANGE for myself/others. I commit myself to stop, to breathe when in situations of desiring to BE LIKE THE OTHERS which is actually the same as ALLOWING MY MIND TO DIRECT ME, and to instead of doing this, bring myself back HERE within and as my physical body of stability and so within and as being an EXAMPLE of such stability and so an example of no emotion/feeling/reaction of my mind. I commit myself NOT to 'do what's expected' or 'be what's expected' which again, is the way of the MIND and the DIRECTION OF THE MIND, that in itself is NEVER THE ANSWER which I've learnt, or, SHOULD have learnt by now, that being of the mind/allowing direction by the mind is NEVER an option, EVER. And to do so is to IGNORE the physical of my being/body here, and it is also to NOT be an example of what I KNOW I am/CAN BE here. I commit myself to be CHANGE at ALL TIMES. I commit myself not to judge/label stability/no emotion/feeling/reaction as WEIRD/STRANGE/ODD - I commit myself to instead see stability/no emotion/feeling/reaction as what it ACTUALLY IS, that is, REALITY, REAL, LIFE, HERE, the very DEFINITION of LIFE HERE, a person DEVOID of manipulation through MIND, an EXAMPLE OF LIFE, what it means to be life, a real and genuine person/life, a dignified life.

When and as I see myself desiring to use emotion/feeling/reaction because it is COMMON PLACE within society/within the average human on Earth, I stop and breathe. I realise that emotion/feeling/reaction being common place is simply a SYMPTOM of the MIND. I realise that what the majority do/are is NOT 'what is BEST'. I realise that the majority are BLINDED. I realise that the majority are NOT LIFE. I realise that it is up to me to be an EXAMPLE OF LIFE. I realise that with the knowledge/information/practical tools that I KNOW OF of what it means to be life, I Must ADHERE and MAKE USE OF this knowledge/information/practical tools so as to BE LIFE, anything less is to IGNORE/SUPPRESS the things I know in favour of fuck ups/fucking up my life/the lives of others and to also HINDER the change that can happen as myself/as others as my lack of being an example for others. I commit myself to be life no matter who is around, who is in company, what is in company. I commit myself NOT to 'go with the flow' in terms of blindly following/doing what others do, who are directed by their minds/the mind. I commit myself to be my own person, the person that I know is needed here, a difference in person, a person of life/what is best for all. I commit myself to be aware of the complete waste of time that I participate within and as through reverting to 'old ways' and 'the ways of the mind'. I commit myself to STOP looking backwards. I commit myself to LOOK FORWARDS ALWAYS and so within doing so, be the CHANGED person that I am, as opposed to the going back/forth through being the OLD ME, then the NEW ME and vice versa which gets me absolutely nowhere and only goes to show that I must push myself FURTHER to be life/to be an example of life to others.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that ALL moments are important in terms of being an example of stability/change/a difference, no matter how SLIGHT the moment may appear. So, I commit myself to see, realise and understand the importance of being stable in EVERY SINGLE MOMENT that I am here/that I have here, because it can either be a slight moment/a small moment, or a series of moments that accumulate towards another seeing myself as an example and so then wanting to be an example themselves through investigating Desteni for themselves which benefits all of course. I commit myself to never 'drop my guard' and 'lose' that stability that I know I can be, ever.

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