Thursday, 19 November 2015

Day 528 - Wanting to be instant


I was on a Desteni Live Google Hangout yesterday talking about a particular topic, and there were a few moments where I basically lost track of what another was saying/asking me, and then when it came to be my turn to speak, at that point..I had forgotten what I was responding to and so struggled to formulate a response. So, with assistance from this person I was speaking to, I saw that it had to do with me wanting to respond as quickly/instantly as possible, why, because I wanted to avoid any pauses/breaks in conversation.

I see that this is the same in any conversation, so whether it's face to face, anything. Though, in terms of typing to another, I see that it's 'easier' and/or I give myself more freedom to FORMULATE a response/something, so within typing at least...I succeed more. But when it comes to face to face...whether in video form....or in person, there's this belief that I MUST instantly reply, NO PAUSES/BREAKS ALLOWED, otherwise I believe that I 'break the flow' of conversation and render the conversation as 'awkward' and 'strange' because of these pauses/breaks.

So, I see now that it's fine to take pauses/breaks. Whether in person/video form..whatever the means of the face to face speech, because sometimes it IS necessary to take a moment to formulate a reply/answer/speech of some sort. Could be a few seconds...could be 10 seconds....just depends I suppose. But yeah, I see now that it's best and works best in terms of conversation/my answer/speech/speaking capabilities that I take the time to formulate a response/form of speech and so that when I speak these words through my mouth, it comes out clearly/directly, and so of course within this, I avoid forgetting what another said to me because I wanted to 'rush' the conversation/get a reply back INSTANTLY, and basically in the end...moving too fast for my physical body to handle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it's a necessity for me/anyone to talk/respond instantly when I talk to them/when another talks to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that pauses/breaks in conversation render the conversation awkward/strange/unusual/break the flow of conversation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can and MUST always reply/speak instantly.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/face the consequences of this desire to speak/reply instantly.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that the consequences of believing that I must reply/speak instantly/fast, are forgetting what another says to me and muddling up what it is that I want to say, because I didn't take the time to formulate a response/what I wanted to say so that I could then speak it clearly/directly without forgetting what another said to me/what it is that I wanted to say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as 'slow' for taking time to formulate a reply/form of speech in return to what another says to me.

When and as I see myself in the  moment of conversation with another and it comes to a moment whereas I see that I REQUIRE time to formulate a reply and I desire to SKIP the formulation for the sake of INSTANTLY replying because of judgements/beliefs about pauses/breaks breaking the 'flow' of conversation and these pauses/breaks being 'awkward' and 'strange' - I stop and breathe. I realise that in the end, I am actually ruining the conversation/flow of conversation, because what I COULD HAVE come up with during formulation was skipped in favour of replying instantly for the sake of avoiding pauses/breaks/belief of pauses/breaks being 'awkward' - so I realise that if I had taken the time to formulate a reply/what I wanted to say, I could go deeper into the conversation/expand the conversation/engage more in the conversation which benefits all.

I commit myself to take my time during conversation and to not be 'scared' of formulating what it is that I want to say within giving myself time to consider what I want to say before actually saying it.

I commit myself to practice taking my time to formulate what it is I want to say in conversation with others to see how it affects/improves what it is that I actually say and so how it improves the conversation that I have with another.

I commit myself to utilise pauses/breaks for benefit of all/the conversation at hand, by expanding on the conversation/making it more efficient and in fact making the conversation flow more.

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