Thursday, 31 December 2015

Day 537 - A resemblance

Person A is someone that I'm currently out of contact with based on Person A as the mind. In Person B, I see a resemblance to Person A. And so there is this trigger memory within me of Person A's face when I see Person B's face - and thus this desire to also not want anything to do with Person B.

Obviously in reality Person A/B are completely different individuals - with the only 'relating' thing, at least in my eyes, is the physical appearance somewhat of both in the face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to upon seeing Person B's face, participate within and as memories of Person A's face and within this participate within the 'reasons' of not being in contact with Person A and so wanting to also not be in contact with Person B.

When and as I see myself desiring to 'link' Person B to Person A as the same/similar people, I stop and breathe. I realise that the reality of this situation is Person A/B are completely different, and so of course in reality there is no 'need' to stop contact with Person B for any reason at all. I commit myself to take note of Person B's likeness to Person A's likeness as the physical face, but that is all and to leave it at that, I commit myself to do this by not defining Person B as their face, and instead by defining Person B as who they are as a human.

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Wednesday, 23 December 2015

Day 536 - Failure to recognise my change

I've had these thoughts recently that my change as an individual 'has not been dramatic enough' and within this believing that I have failed to make any 'notable' progress to better myself as life and make a difference as life, not only as myself, but as an example for others and/or assisting others.

But, within my current assignment in DIP Pro where I am currently reviewing past assignments and so past points that I have written out/released as to check if any further writing/releasing is needed on these past points that I've written out before, I now see that I've made MANY notable changes. And they MAY be 'small' points and/or not points that are for all to see type of thing/that noticeable, but they are points that I had to change and I HAVE changed - this is what I see now and now that I realise it/what I've changed, and the many points that I have changed about myself, it's really gratifying.

As I was mentioning, a lot of these points may 'appear' small, but every single point..and there are LOADS that I must walk through...they all are me. All of these points are me. So, one way or the other, I must release each of these points. Each point must be faced/tackled individually. There are more points that I must face, and there will be more in the future, but no point is 'worthless'. Even though it may not have had a HUGE impact on me/appeared regularly in instance, is not to say it didn't have to be walked through.

So I see now that ANY point walked through really is an ACCOMPLISHMENT. Because these are not easy. No point is easy to walk through. Because to walk through a point we have to be self-honest and we have to face ourselves - there is no escape.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see 'small' points walked through as 'meaningless' and 'pointless' for the reason that they did not impact me 'too much' or 'in regular instances' within my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that EACH AND EVERY point walked through/released IS an accomplishment, because to do so, I had to be self-honest and so I had to face it fully to change it, and so it is an accomplishment and it is gratifying to know I have changed and know that change can happen with self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that EVERY point is a part of who I am/what I am in this world, and so no point is actually 'less than' another point, because ALL points must be released, and this can only happen through walking every point one by one.

When and as I see myself desiring to believe that I have in fact made NO and/or LITTLE progress within change of myself, I stop and breathe. I realise that within this belief, I've failed to take into account the 'small' points that I've walked/released. I realise also that within this belief, I'm clearly not AWARE of the change that I've had/become regarding any points that I've walked/released, and so these changes that I've made 'go unnoticed' by myself.

I commit myself to stop in any moment where this desire to believe that lack of change is existent within me and to look at the very thing that I'm doing at that time to see what/how I'm doing it, where I'm doing it, and then to look at what I would have done many years ago in the same circumstances so as to see and recognise thus the changes that I've made as my starting point/my approach to doing these things presently when looking back at how I would have/how I did do these same things in the past, and so realising and really seeing the changes that I've implemented within myself as life.

Also, I commit myself to look at my progress thus far. I commit myself to re-read my past assignments within DIP Pro. I commit myself to look at my past work in DIP Lite. I commit myself to look at my writings in my Journey to Life.
I commit myself to look at these things so that I can really see what points I've faced, and then I can see how far I've come in reality, and how different I am from that person I was, that person I was stuck as being.

Basically, I commit myself to recognise my change. I commit myself to recognise that all points walked/released ARE accomplishments, no matter how big/small the point was.

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Sunday, 20 December 2015

Day 535 - 'Sabotage'

Within games of pool that I've been playing with another, I've had some reactions about the way in which person A goes about playing the game of pool. Basically, person A plays in a way that sabotages the game the way I see it. Person A does this by playing the ball in a certain way which where the ball ends up landing on the table, there are obstructions via other balls on the table and/or the shot is made difficult for me on purpose by the play of Person A. This is purely so that Person A can win the game as a whole.

Because if I were to for instance have a clear shot at getting my balls into the pockets on the table, well...I'd most likely end up being the one who wins the game. So, I've been calling this procedure 'sabotage'. But when it comes down to it, the act of winning, which is the main want of people generally, then it's a smart move. It's is strategy. What I found interesting though is...well, playing pool with Person A here, I mean, it's not a 'professional' competition at all, it's well..from how I see it, it's just a casual game of pool.

Now that I say that, of course Person A may see the game differently. I mean, it's still not a 'professional' competition-type of pool game, but Person A obviously wants to win the match..whatever the cost. I want to win the match too, but seeing how each one of us plays, I'm moreso there for the enjoyment factor. Winning is genuinely not so high up on my 'to do' list lol. Having said this, in the past, I'd do anything to win, so I'd MORE than likely resort to the ways in which Person A plays pool.

Now though, and at least in these circumstances of it being a casual pool game with nothing to gain/win in forms of medals..I just want to have fun/enjoy the game of pool. This writing has helped me bring the situation to light. Person A and I have DIFFERENT starting points to our games of pool, that is evident. I see within myself what I reacted to was Person A favouring a win over enjoyment. I see that if Person A and I BOTH played within and as the starting point of enjoyment as PRIORITY, that I myself would have more fun/enjoy the games of pool more.

It was interesting, last night I did bring up this point, I asked Person A "Do they sabotage the game when professionally playing pool?" Person A was unsure, as was I lol. I didn't think professional pool players would. Then I said "I prefer to go for my shots/take risks." And Person A went quiet. It was interesting though because Person A then went for their shots moreso and avoided 'sabotaging' the game from then on as I saw it.

So, is it really 'sabotage' if Person A/or I for that matter, set up shots that strictly DO NOT favour my opponent? No it's not. I mean, if it's 'allowed' within and as the rules of pool, then why not? And then if one wants to win, then why not, in fact, it may be a NEED to set up shots that strictly DO NOT favour an opponent, simple as that.

Different starting points, that is what it is.
So in terms of 'enjoyment' at hand, and me believing that if Person A plays a certain way, that I will moreso enjoy the game at hand, it's irrelevant, as I can't 'change' how Person A plays (even though I did within speaking to Person A, but that was incorrect word usage on my behalf, I shouldn't have used the word 'sabotage' and that was most likely the reason Person A then changed their playing ways) but I can't directly change how Person A plays pool. I can be an example though. But nonetheless, I create my own enjoyment at all times. And what I can do is if Person A plays within the 'creating difficult shots for me' way lol, then I can do the same back, obviously not in a way of 'revenge' - just as a way of capitalising on the game at hand and equalling the scenario, I already see that it'd be more enjoyable if I do this, it may not necessarily be what I personally find as the 'best' way to play pool, but I am working within the surroundings of another here.

And as I said, I can 'equal' the situation, as well as still be an example of 'taking risks' and/or going for my shots, I can do both.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to Person A 'sabotaging' the game of pool as I believed Person A's actions to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Person A's way of playing pool was 'lessening' my enjoyment of Pool within and as the way in which Person A played the game.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if one's main priority is to WIN, then enjoyment automatically 'goes out the door' and/or lessens dramatically as the starting point is only of winning as opposed to 'enjoying'.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that winning/wanting to win and enjoyment CAN go hand in hand, IF I alter my own ways of playing somewhat to 'suit' what is transpiring within what is happening via another's actions/the state of play at hand.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to 'equalise' the game of pool at hand within and as Person A's actions by doing likewise somewhat so that I can 'reply' to the tactical/strategic movements by Person A and so create a more ENJOYABLE game of pool for all involved dependent on each one's actions at the time.

When and as I see myself desiring to blame another for my lack of enjoyment/lessened enjoyment whilst another and I are both doing something together, I stop and breathe. I realise that I always create my own self-enjoyment and thus it does not 'depend' on another's ways of doing something. Within this I realise that it's up to me to identify what is happening so that I can make the situation more enjoyable for myself and possibly that of another by changing my own ways as a 'reply' for instance of what another is doing.

I commit myself to be flexible as 'enjoyment' by not ONLY doing what it is that I myself see as enjoyable from purely MY OWN starting point of seeing things - I commit myself to see and recognise all's starting points of things so that I can see why they are doing what they're doing/how they're doing it, and then actually combine both worlds by doing what it is that I see fit within enjoyment, and also what another is doing within what they see fit as enjoyment and/or winning for instance, so that I can then increase my own self-enjoyment of something and possibly the self-enjoyment of another.

So I commit myself to act in the PRESENT by identifying what is happening at any given time and changing my ways at any given time dependent on who/what is involved as to give myself/another the most enjoyable experience possible, as opposed to seeing a situation as a 'drag' and 'boring' within my mind.

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Tuesday, 15 December 2015

Day 534 - Future occurrence excitement

I've allowed a future event/occurrence to dictate me whereas I look forward to it so much, that I just want the days to go by until the day of the event/occurrence. Even to the point of 'wasting away' days. This is clearly not ideal. I've allowed this excitement feeling to preoccupy myself/my physical being to the point of ignoring myself here in every moment/with every day that comes my way.

I also had beliefs that this future event/occurrence and previous events/occurrences will change me somehow, for the best, in my belief. Again, that's just the illusion of excitement. It's not real whatsoever. In life, things can certainly assist our living. Things can make our lives more enjoyable. Gives us things to do, things to learn. But these things NEVER live up to the 'excitement' energy and belief that we give these things to - that's what I've found out.

No matter HOW excited I could be for something, when that something actually happens and/or I get to the day of that something happening, it's NEVER what I believed it to be, it never lives up to my expectations within and as excitement energy, also after that something ends, it always brings me 'back to Earth' - only then do I realise that this something that I had put so much excitement/expectation was fake, this excitement and these unrealistic expectations, I mean, to be fair..any expectations aren't safe to have, having no expectations is always the best way to go about it.

Because, when removing the excitement/expectations of something happening in the future that can benefit ourselves, then it just is. That future-happening thing is simply another thing...and another day in our lives. As I said, it can be enjoyable, it can be fun, it can assist, teach us, but it's merely for practical purposes/should be for practical purposes.

So my advice, as others to take every day as it comes. Of course that is so important, every day here is a gift...a day in our lives, we're, well, many of us are fortunate to have these days, for others days could be deadly..any of these days could turn into a death day, but for us that have access to luxuries of's best to make it count somehow. And with future events/occurrences, to accept what is going to happen, see it as a 'cool happening' and that is all, just a 'cool happening'. And when that event/occurrence eventually comes around, embrace the 'cool happening'. Enjoy the 'cool happening' just like any other day, every other day is a 'cool happening' - because we choose what our days entail and whether it's a cool day or not, we always have that choice.

Let's make sure every day we have here is a cool day and a cool happening. And let's see every day equally. No days 'better' than others. Yes of course, each and every day can contain drastically different happenings, work, free time, appointments - but it's all about who we are as the starting point to things these days contain. It's not easy, but we must learn to embrace all that comes our way, in every day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become blinded by excitement energy and expectations of a future event/occurrence to the point of 'ignoring' and SABOTAGING the days that lead up to this event/occurrence, as I've allowed my main/strict focus to be on this future event/occurrence that I put SO MUCH energy into/towards to the absolute detriment of myself here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a future event/occurrence can alter me so much to the point of being a completely different person - which is utter nonsense when I see the situation/the event/occurrence itself from a realistic/physical point of view/perspective.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take every day as it comes and to see every single day as a cool happening within my life that I can and should enjoy to the fullest amount, no matter what it is that I'm doing/what task that I must do to survive here.

When and as I see myself desiring to get 'caught up' in a future event/occurrence via my mind and so energies/expectations, I stop and breathe. I realise that ANY subtle movement of energy in regards to the future event/occurrence is the sign that I am NOT fully here within and as every single day of my being. So, I commit myself to STOP when and as I feel any subtle energetic movements towards and regarding expectations of the future event/occurrence by closing my fists/touching my hands and my arms and my physical body so that I realise that all I am is this physical body that I'm always in at any given time, I am nothing more, I am not these energies/expectations that may/may not happen in the future, I as all others are a physical body, nothing more, nothing less.

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Saturday, 12 December 2015

Day 533 - Getting even, revenge - why do we want it?

Revenge is something that many people want. Or, to get even with another. If something 'bad' happens to us via another, or another plainly does something 'bad' to us and/or that we disagree with, then we won't stop or we won't be satisfied until we've paid that person back..

And then it can go beyond that, whereas it just keeps cycling, Person A did something to Person B, Person B gets revenge, apparently now it's 'even' according to Person B, but no, Person A wants revenge from Person B's revenge..

I mean, and it can even be unrealised, if Person A goes out with Person B's ex partner, Person B does not like this situation, and so seeks 'revenge' on Person A, when Person A was not ahem 'breaking the rules' per se, Person A was just doing what Person A wanted to do. But if the thing is negative from the get go, as in..someone purposely wanting to 'anger' another or 'get under their skin' in one way or another, then obviously there is a problem there. We shouldn't be trying to anger one another and upset one another in any way, shape or form.

Not that the revenge/getting even is acceptable either, definitely not. But generally, both individuals, the one angering/upsetting another and the one who wants revenge, they both are in the wrong so to speak.

I've felt that before, that sort of 'satisfied' feeling of getting my revenge/getting even with another. It's like "Oh yes..that felt good."
Not realising at the time that okay, someone wanted to initiate somewhat of a war with me..yet I didn't think twice about NOT participating within the war, I just immediately entered the war because that was my only way of getting revenge/getting even. But if I had not entered the war, if I had not sought revenge/getting even...then I would have been an example to myself and the war initiator. And showed that I don't need to create further havoc..I don't need to get even/seek revenge....I don't need that 'satisfied' feeling, or that positive energetic buzz of happiness after getting revenge.

Obviously in that situation, one is trying to provoke me. But making the decision not to react/not participate within the provoked motive is a very powerful thing for all involved, again, that example of not being a participant in the whole game.
But like all things, this revenge/getting even game plays on the emotions/feelings of people, of people's minds. So I would say, if one does try to provoke you/initiate something with you, stop, breathe, to be an example of stability here, and be an example of not an example of not participating within the war..and to within this know that any energetic feeling of satisfaction/happiness after getting revenge is so very temporary, as all energies are. Because in reality, if one does seek revenge, the reality of the situation is that that person 'hurt' another somehow, and that's not on. the 'bigger' person and don't seek revenge, be an example that the provoker can learn by.

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Friday, 11 December 2015

Day 532 - Are they laughing with me or at me?

I was in a group discussion and I raised a point/statement about something, it actually had funny undertones I should say which points more towards the 'laughing with me' phrase. But at the time, well, I wasn't entirely sure what the starting point of this laughter was. It was one person who was laughing. At the time I knew what I said could have provoked laughter, yet still...when I heard the laughter, I went into resistance. I was half embracing the laughter by laughing myself lol, and half resisting it through showing and feeling embarrassment within and as myself - difficult to portray these 2 things I found.

I mean, this all happened in the space of about 20 seconds, thereafter I just continued within and as the discussion. But it was that moment of resistance/embrace that stuck with me and is thus why I'm writing this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the individual that laughed after my statement was said, was laughing in a 'mean spirited way' at/of me and in a way 'mocking' or 'insulting' me through laughter.

So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my own statements/what I say at any given time as 'stupid' or 'pathetic'.

And I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to fully embrace what I said and the laughter that I myself got from it and that anyone else may have gotten from it.

Within my failure to embrace my/another's laughter/my own statement, I forgive myself thus that I have not accepted and allowed myself to 'continue' the moment/add onto the statement, because I was within this resistance, moreso leaning towards and participating within and as embarrassment rather than embrace.

So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say my statement, hear laughter, then try to MOVE ON from the statement that I said as fast as possible so that I don't have to 'deal with' embarrassment in which I MYSELF created/participated within and as.

When and as I see myself saying/doing something and seeing/hearing laughter and taking the laughter 'negatively' - I stop and breathe. I realise that my first instance HAS BEEN to take the laughter as an 'insult' of sorts because I am judging my own statements/the things that I do and I MYSELF have seen them as 'stupid' and 'pathetic' and 'lame'. So I commit myself to embrace the things that I say and the things that I do by wanting to enjoy/revel in a moment with myself and others and make the situation a fun one by contributing what it is that I want to contribute and so that others can latch onto what I contribute, creating a chain reaction of contribution which is very cool for all!

I commit myself to utilise my/the laughter of others so as to create a 'warm' and 'pleasant' environment, as laughter is an action that is relieving.

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Sunday, 6 December 2015

Day 531 - Consequences of delay

I've seen this countless times in my life. So, and it's always to do with my mind, and fears, thoughts, emotions, feelings, beliefs. Not even just 'delay' as I see it now, it can also be means of putting something off entirely. But obviously and I'm sure everyone has seen how one's mind stops/delays self from doing things that they need/want/have to do. With delay specifically though, recently I've been experiencing this delay functioning within my life.

Delaying things that I know is what is best for my physical body. Delaying these things because of self-judgements about things and so on. Eventually I do the thing that I have to do for my physical body, but I suffer the consequences here. 1, I damage my body through delay. 2. When I do the thing for my physical body, because I delayed initially, my mind has accumulated these self-judgements and so on during the delay, and so as I do the physical thing necessary for my physical body, it's LACED with 'mind attacks' that I struggle with, this for me is the most major consequence.

And then there's the realisation that happens during the thing that I delayed/afterwards of "This was no big deal at all, why did I delay, what a waste of time within delay."

So, here obviously I have to look at these self-judgements as the reason for the delay in the first place and/or physically move myself so that I do NOT delay, I have to experiment/do some trial and error. But I see that despite any self-judgements/fears/beliefs etc, and as they come up...yes, if I breathe, then I SHOULD be able to 'bypass' any desire to delay for sake of mind. The longer I delay, the worse the consequences. The consequences I mentioned above, plus the obvious one of losing/wasting time within and as a self-judgement, a fear, a belief.

So, this is a reminder to myself of of course the necessity of breath/breathing within and as the moment of oncoming self-judgements/fears/beliefs. And the reminder that the less delay that happens...the better it is for myself. And the more I delay..the more consequences I suffer.

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