Saturday, 28 November 2015

Day 530 - Utilising my memory


I had misplaced a certain card which has a certain 10 digit number that would assist me for a phone call that I had to make. So, already within not having this card and thus the 10 digit number in my possession, I automatically went into this self-defeated character of that being it, and resigning myself to the believe that I'll have to make this phone call without knowing of this 10 digit number as I had misplaced the card that states the number.

So, I had made the phone call, skipped the automatic voiceover that asked me for my 10 digit number, as I didn't know it, and waited on hold/in a queue until someone answered my call. After 5 minutes of waiting on hold, really, because I had nothing better to do whilst waiting, I decided to try and remember this 10 digit number within and as my memory and nothing more. It was funny actually, I basically gave it a shot, and got it first time lol. So, I repeated it back to myself a few times to make sure I knew it, because at that point I had decided to hang up the phone and re-call with the newfound knowledge of this 10 digit number.

Anyway, I found this interesting, that I automatically gave up because I did not have the card that stated this 10 digit number. I mean, previously I had always used this card whenever I needed to say/state this 10 digit number, so I became reliant on this card. But my memory was more than up to scratch here, as I got it instantly just by giving it a go, by trying to remember this 10 digit number. It was so easy to remember.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to go into self-defeat when realising that I had misplaced this card that stated the 10 digit number and within this believing that I was 'lost' without this card, believing that there was no chance in Hell that I could remember this 10 digit number 'off by heart' without using the card to see the number right in front of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my memory is horrible and that I can't remember anything at all, and use this belief to go into self-defeat after misplacing this card.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so reliant on numbers/words etc that are written down on something and within this, never utilise my memory and train myself/my utilisation of my memory to 'build it up' so that I can improve on my memory and actually use my memory as what is best for all.

When and as I see myself desiring to use a 'visual' aid/copy of a 'long' number/word something that I BELIEVE I don't/won't know via using my memory, I stop and breathe. I realise that within this current scenario, I've proven myself wrong by utilising my memory to remember a long number, and knowing it straight away without even having to 'search the depths of my memory' to find it/to know it's correct. So, I commit myself to continue testing myself and testing my memory as to train it up/improve it by NOT referring to visual aids and such for a quick and easy answer, and to instead put my memory to the test by trying to remember the number/word to the best of my ability.

I realise that utilising my memory can be very helpful, because it's like having a mobile/portable system that I can then access at any time to provide myself/another with information that is needed at that time, and I realise that I may/may not always have access to numbers/words in the form of visual aid for one reason or another, so it's cool to train up as to improve my memory and to see, realise and understand that my memory can make my life/the lives of all a whole lot easier/stable.

So, I commit myself to give myself/my memory ongoing tests when I see that I can do, so that I can can switch from never using/utilising my memory for things and/or only using my memory in 'desperate' times of need, to using/utilising my memory as a first option.

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Wednesday, 25 November 2015

Day 529 - You're never 'too' old


One quality that I admire in people is that they are still 'in touch' with their more playful side and/or 'childish' side as most would call it. Because that is the main reason many adults/older people do 'lose touch' of their playful side/childish side, because well, they see it as CHILDISH, I personally see it as very cool to still have this playful side to a person. It is playful, it is not 'childish'. There is definitely this believe that as we get older/progress through life, that we can't have fun or as much fun or be as playful or 'childlike'.

And within this as an example, children/young people/teenagers will be dismissed by an adult, because the adult sees, well, sees the child/young person/teenager and/or the activity/thing that they're doing as 'childlike' and so that adult wants nothing to do with it. When in that instance, it's the adult's believe that this person/activity/thing that they are doing is 'past them' and/or 'below them'. That is certainly not true, and it's actually rude to that child/young person/teenager.

Enjoyment doesn't 'go' with age/vanish/disappear with age. Nor do the methods of enjoyment that can be had..
Perhaps it's got something to do with seeing what that child/young person/teenager is doing and that adult seeing that it's 'beneath them' based on it being 'too easy' and/or below that adult's intellect/intelligence levels. That's still no excuse. If one, if an adult does what's best for all, then it's to see that child/young person/teenager and what they are doing/what they like doing from THEIR perspective/as them, and to within that, put oneself back into the shoes of their younger selves and so as to participate and relate and enjoy physically/practically with WHAT is here and WHO is here in the moment.

It's always best to be genuine about involvement. Genuine about enjoyment thus. And to take into consideration WHO and WHAT is involved/there at the time.

If one truly/genuinely sees everyone/everything for who they are/what they are and within this, sees what is best for all, then NOTHING is 'beneath' one. It is to thus release self from the ego/self-interest of seeing things/others as 'beneath them' and to take/accept what is here/who is here and all that is involved, because through this acceptance/understanding/perspective change through what/who is here, one can ACTUALLY and GENUINELY enjoy oneself along with what/whoever is involved within and as enjoyment/self-expression which is gratifying for all involved.

Nothing is 'beneath' you.

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Thursday, 19 November 2015

Day 528 - Wanting to be instant


I was on a Desteni Live Google Hangout yesterday talking about a particular topic, and there were a few moments where I basically lost track of what another was saying/asking me, and then when it came to be my turn to speak, at that point..I had forgotten what I was responding to and so struggled to formulate a response. So, with assistance from this person I was speaking to, I saw that it had to do with me wanting to respond as quickly/instantly as possible, why, because I wanted to avoid any pauses/breaks in conversation.

I see that this is the same in any conversation, so whether it's face to face, anything. Though, in terms of typing to another, I see that it's 'easier' and/or I give myself more freedom to FORMULATE a response/something, so within typing at least...I succeed more. But when it comes to face to face...whether in video form....or in person, there's this belief that I MUST instantly reply, NO PAUSES/BREAKS ALLOWED, otherwise I believe that I 'break the flow' of conversation and render the conversation as 'awkward' and 'strange' because of these pauses/breaks.

So, I see now that it's fine to take pauses/breaks. Whether in person/video form..whatever the means of the face to face speech, because sometimes it IS necessary to take a moment to formulate a reply/answer/speech of some sort. Could be a few seconds...could be 10 seconds....just depends I suppose. But yeah, I see now that it's best and works best in terms of conversation/my answer/speech/speaking capabilities that I take the time to formulate a response/form of speech and so that when I speak these words through my mouth, it comes out clearly/directly, and so of course within this, I avoid forgetting what another said to me because I wanted to 'rush' the conversation/get a reply back INSTANTLY, and basically in the end...moving too fast for my physical body to handle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it's a necessity for me/anyone to talk/respond instantly when I talk to them/when another talks to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that pauses/breaks in conversation render the conversation awkward/strange/unusual/break the flow of conversation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can and MUST always reply/speak instantly.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/face the consequences of this desire to speak/reply instantly.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that the consequences of believing that I must reply/speak instantly/fast, are forgetting what another says to me and muddling up what it is that I want to say, because I didn't take the time to formulate a response/what I wanted to say so that I could then speak it clearly/directly without forgetting what another said to me/what it is that I wanted to say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as 'slow' for taking time to formulate a reply/form of speech in return to what another says to me.

When and as I see myself in the  moment of conversation with another and it comes to a moment whereas I see that I REQUIRE time to formulate a reply and I desire to SKIP the formulation for the sake of INSTANTLY replying because of judgements/beliefs about pauses/breaks breaking the 'flow' of conversation and these pauses/breaks being 'awkward' and 'strange' - I stop and breathe. I realise that in the end, I am actually ruining the conversation/flow of conversation, because what I COULD HAVE come up with during formulation was skipped in favour of replying instantly for the sake of avoiding pauses/breaks/belief of pauses/breaks being 'awkward' - so I realise that if I had taken the time to formulate a reply/what I wanted to say, I could go deeper into the conversation/expand the conversation/engage more in the conversation which benefits all.

I commit myself to take my time during conversation and to not be 'scared' of formulating what it is that I want to say within giving myself time to consider what I want to say before actually saying it.

I commit myself to practice taking my time to formulate what it is I want to say in conversation with others to see how it affects/improves what it is that I actually say and so how it improves the conversation that I have with another.

I commit myself to utilise pauses/breaks for benefit of all/the conversation at hand, by expanding on the conversation/making it more efficient and in fact making the conversation flow more.

Wednesday, 18 November 2015

Day 527 - Disillusioned by the system


The further I get into my process with Desteni, the more disillusioned I am by the system and the exploitation/manipulation that happens at all times. This disillusionment is becoming more apparent for me, where I am really seeing the system for what it IS. It's more than completely fucked up. It's in complete shambles, we just use eachother, disregard eachother. Disregard/use life. It's the only way to succeed in the system.

It's a major expense on what is best for all. And I have to say, I am finding it difficult to even 'want to' be in the system at all. This is not the life that I wanted to have. One which requires manipulation at every corner to win at life. The game of life - life shouldn't be a game at all. We only have one life - why is this how it has to be/is? A game/competition of exploitation/manipulation. The mind is evidently a powerful thing. It controls all of us, it keeps up in desire/obsession of wanting to be in this game and NEVER leave this game.

But, if I allow myself to get down about the system/all it entails/the way we fuck up life and want to 'leave' the system and 'leave' life itself...then obviously I've succumbed to defeat by the system/my mind. Everything here is total chaos. It IS changeable...and really, that's all I should need to keep on pushing. If I can change, if others can change, we can all change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dwell upon the fucked up shit that our system is/that humans - the mind is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as self-defeat when seeing our current life/the system for what it really is and within this, wanting to 'leave' the system/my life altogether.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the system/life as it is now to dictate my own life/my future life/why I am here/what I am here for/to do.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that the more aware I become of this system/the bullshit it entails, the more INCENTIVE this should give me in wanting to advise others of this and advise others of the need to investigate/undertake Desteni/the Desteni material.

So, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to turn this AWARENESS of the system/what it is/what life was/has become into AWAKENING support/assistance/advice for others to use/utilise so that they too can become aware, as I am, and so for change to actually happen.

I commit myself to utilise news articles/stories/videos/information/my own experiences in the system/of the system to my/others advantage in terms of capitalising on this experience/knowledge for what is best for all by raising awareness through blogs/vlogs/whatever else so that one by one, each can see our reality for what it REALLY is and then to act upon it through self-change/self-honesty as I have/am.

When and as I see myself desiring to go into a state of disillusionment based on the system/what it is/what reality is/life is right now, I stop and breathe. I realise that within and as the term 'disillusionment' I've attached this emotion of self-defeat, because something (the system/reality/life) is not what I INITIALLY thought it was in all its apparent 'glory'. I realise that becoming aware of the reality of the situation/of life/all it entails is NOT cause for self-defeat, it is cause for even more incentive/need for myself to raise awareness to all others on why this world is how it is and how we can change and why we must change.

I commit myself to never succumb to self-defeat no matter HOW the world/system is, by being a voice of awareness for change.

I commit myself to be an example of a physical life form here by remaining stable/calm/relaxed at all times by not allowing myself to participate within and as emotions/feelings/thoughts/reactions in my mind and allow them to dictate/direct me as life.

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Tuesday, 17 November 2015

Day 526 - Improved methods of doing things part 2


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within improvement/change within improvement, believe that anything prior to the improvement/change was for 'nothing' and 'pointless' as I believe that because I didn't do something 'perfectly' and/or as well as I could do it, that it was a waste of time, as I did not do it in the best way possible.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that even within doing something 'the best way' or close to, even if it is one of the best ways/close to, it's NOT to say that slight improvements CANNOT be made on that 'best' way - so, I see, realise and understand that improvements can ALWAYS be made on something/a person, even if only slight/subtle - and within it all, the progress from one thing to another through improvement, it's just basic change/learning/growing that can ONLY happen from practice/time/patience/development, and so NOT in an 'instant' which I am inclined to want within my mind, instant change/instant at being the 'best'.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that within what is 'best' there are many nuances that each individual can have/different perspectives within what is best, and it's NECESSARY to accept/embrace all of these nuances EVEN THOUGH they may very well be different from my own perspective of what is best, so it's simply about investigating everything and taking/using what is best/the best of the best, and within that, the different perspectives/tools so that I can be my best, besting my best, constantly and always.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that by doing something one particular way for so long and THEN being told that changes can be made/improvements can be made on that thing that I was doing in a particular way, believe that the particular way that I was doing something before being told improvements can be made/should be made was a 'waste of time' through seeing that because I didn't 'approach' it in the most effective way ever, that it was pointless - when in reality, even though it wasn't the MOST effective way of doing something, it still assisted me in some way, shape or form, and THAT is all that counts, that it DID work/succeed, it doesn't matter that what I did did not assist me as 'much' as it could have/as much as I could have helped myself, the point is it did help me/I did help myself, and in that moment that is all that counts.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that if something I was doing was totally incorrect/not assisting myself at all, then I would have seeked improvements in some way, shape or form, rather than CONTINUING down that path of mediocrity/failure for SO LONG - THAT would be a 'waste of time'.

When and as I see myself in a situation whereas another tells me about how I can improve/must/should improve and/or change my approach to something/anything and I desire to participate within and as RESISTANCE within the belief that if I DO change/improve, then anything that came before/that I did before was POINTLESS/A WASTE OF TIME, I stop and breathe. I realise that things that I do now/in my life ARE effective from WHAT I SEE NOW, BUT, there is ALWAYS room for improvement to be MORE effective, and that assistance can come from anyone/anything. I commit myself not to be  so 'set in my ways' which is set in my PROGRAMMING/PRE-PROGRAMMING within following ONE singular defined path of doing things and also within being 'comfortable'. I commit myself to push myself/my barriers of confinement/comfortability as to expand myself/my limits and unlock my true potential as life.

I commit myself to embrace change/improvements by hearing it out first, seeing whether it can assist me, then giving it a go physically as to improve on myself.

I commit myself to embrace what I've done in the past/present, what I will do in the future, through 'taking the best of both/all worlds' because in reality, the more suggestions that are made to me for improvement purposes/change, the better I will be - simple as that. So, I commit myself to utilise the improvements/suggestions of all and to test them within my physical/practical reality and to go from there.

I commit myself to make life easier for myself through embracing change/improvements, I commit myself to make life easier for all through embracing change/improvements.

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Monday, 16 November 2015

Day 525 - Improved methods of doing things


So, I'm in a situation whereas things have been pointed out to me on where/how I can improve certain aspects of things that I do/for myself. And within this advice/suggestions, I have this resistance, and it has to do with myself wanting to believe that everything I've done up until this point with all things that I've done has been PERFECT/seamless. I see this especially if I've been doing something that I THOUGHT was 'perfect' for quite a long time, only for this newfound advice to appear from another on how I CAN improve.

So, within doing something for a long time, believing it to be perfect/correct in every way, shape and form, then only now having these suggestions on how to improve etc, within my mind, I believe that since this is the case..that ALL things prior/that I've done in the past, before receiving this assistance/suggestions has been for NOTHING. And then I'm sort of like "Oh fuck, I wish I fucking knew this earlier/at the time of doing this thing so that I could have 'perfected' it right from the get go." Something like that.

Truth is though, there is always things that one can improve on. I was thinking of this example as I was writing this too, a bit earlier - something like lifting heavy boxes. Sure, it may be shown by my employer on how to 'correctly' lift these heavy boxes, and I could have learnt from that of course, and followed these methods to lift the heavy box correctly, BUT, it's NOT to say that this same employer and/or ANYONE could see me at a potential time of strong visibility of me lifting these heavy boxes months later/however long later, only to point out additional things that I can do to lift the heavy boxes correctly. And that can even be ADDITIONAL things from what I was taught by my employer the initial time. Because, each can have their own 'methods' of doing things, so in this case, there is NO right/wrong, because there are little nuances that each may use to lift the heavy box, so each one's method could be different, maybe only slightly, but, what's in it for me is that I can USE all of these tips, from all of the people, and so USE THESE TIPS for my own betterment/health and so on to lift the heavy box.

I've heard that old saying before, that 'one never stops learning' and it's most definitely true, but within this saying, it doesn't mean that once I learn something/learn something additionally ON TOP of something else, that everything prior was for naught. I can even teach myself/learn from myself on how to improve on things, which I have done too, that, and hearing out others' advice/suggestions on how to do things better. I mean, it should be PRETTY EVIDENT if I was doing something WITHOUT ANY success at all. I mean, going back to the heavy lifting of boxes example, if I was feeling PAIN in my back/legs EACH AND EVERY TIME, then I'd HAVE TO change my method instantly/right then and there. So, even though my method at that time may not have been 'the best' so to speak, it was still a good method, because no pain was being felt by me.

And it's a self-honest thing, on whether I heed the advice/suggestions on how to improve things that I do/have done in the past. But, it's for me to realise that heeding this advice/suggestions, it's NOT TO MARK ANYTHING THAT I'VE DONE PREVIOUSLY as WRONG or TOTALLY INCORRECT, not at all - it's simply a suggestion for my OWN BENEFIT, along with the benefit of others. It is what's best for all. And again, if I self-honestly see that this advice/suggestion will assist me, then I SHOULD EMBRACE IT, simple as that. So, to embrace both what I've done in the past, AND the suggestion/advice/improvement that I can be. Improvement is not the automatic sign that things done in the past were for nothing/pointless, improvement is to assist as what is best for all. It's also to of course realise for myself that not all things can be learnt of/known instantly, I mean, of course, a lot of things cannot be. A lot of things in fact require TIME and PATIENCE to know the 'ins and outs'. And that TIME can vary greatly...it can be a long span of time. So as I said, it's necessary to embrace possible change, instead of resist it for the sake of 'being right the first time' which is just ignorance/suppression of reaching my POTENTIAL.

More to come.

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Friday, 13 November 2015

Day 524 - Attention vs solution


I'm sure most have seen a post on Facebook by another (or even one by yourself) basically INDIRECTLY speaking to another, but...through a status update on Facebook that of course reaches all of one's friends on Facebook and possibly others. Facebook is just one example though, I've seen it become a more regular/common occurrence since the arrival of Facebook in particular, but of course this can happen with any social website and in person as well.

So, one speaks for example about how someone in this person's life 'left them' and/or one feels that this person and they are 'drifting apart' but yeah, in the form of a status update which reaches the masses. So, that's why it's just attention seeking. Is any solution going to happen through indirectly speaking to someone about a problem that they and you have? One may get a few comments of assistance...and some of those comment's may even refer to directly tackling the situation itself, which I've seen before, yet that person never does so and continues down the attention seeking route, the easy route more or less..

Like, if I have a problem with another and/or they have a problem with me, I must take self-responsibility and approach that person and discuss/dissect anything and everything that is causing the problem, to see where we both stand, and then of course...to between us, come up with practical solutions that will fix something, or, if it can't be fixed, to go our separate ways for instance, obviously it all depends on the situation at hand. But, one has to directly approach the problem first hand, to get an actual solution that is practical for all.

Merely mentioning problems with another indirectly to that person and/or to others is not going to do anything at all.
But...that is what social media is a lot of the time, a form of 'venting'. A form of complaining. Sure, it can be relateable to how others feel as well, but it's still a failure on one's behalf to direct the problem and to in turn find a solution.
So, instead of the attention-seeking route/desire to relate to others/have others relate to you, be solution orientated by taking self-responsibility, finding the source of the problem, talking it out with another/have a look yourself, and see what comes out of that discussion...whether with oneself/another, find solutions, even if it means to part ways with someone..attention seeking will only feed the ego of oneself and of course at the same time, never be for the solution/about the solution/what has to be done to rectify a situation at all.

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Tuesday, 10 November 2015

Day 523 - The wanders of fame


Fame is very interesting. A lot of people aspire to be famous/to have fame.

What does one get from fame/being famous? Of course, LOTS of money. Of course, depending on the level of fame, but usually quite a bit of money. Also, popularity. Some famous people have LEGIONS of fans. People that go ‘insane’ when seeing their idols. Of course it can also lead to unhealthy levels of obsession/popularity as well. I see that perhaps a lot of people do it for the popularity at first, the money too – both. But, with the popularity, I’m sure that grows thin on these famous people.

Not being able to go anywhere without being recognised, without being yelled at, screamed at, without having paparazzi in one’s face the whole time, literally being watched whilst doing everyday things that humans do, eat, shop. Jee..surely, that’s not an ideal thing. At the same time though, popularity brings power, money does too, but popularity especially I’d say. Because not many, if any famous people use their money for ‘world changing’ things. Yes, most famous people live in fancy/huge places, probably have servants/butlers and so on, and they give to charities, which is no long term solution whatsoever, but I haven’t seen/heard of many actual uses of power for what is best for all originating from money.

But just general popularity. It’s amazing how many famous people, how much they are adored. It’s like, ANYHTING they say, no matter the starting point of it/the tone/whatever, it will be ‘heard’ by FANS. Fanatics. The obsessed..

Even to the point of simply accepting what the famous person says, because of WHO said it, and within that, TOTALLY ignoring the message itself/whether the message is actually something that is best for all or NOT. So, that IS power. But, it’s obviously not a power that is harnessed to create a better world. This power is used to manipulate the masses, one’s legion of fans.

All of these famous people/living in fame, there are a lot out there, not just movie stars, tv stars, also singers, bands, sporting people, the amount of money most get paid is otherworldy. If even a FEW of them used the money/power/popularity they have now for something GOOD to come from the world/what is best for all...wow, it’d make a major difference to the lives of all, I’m sure. There is heaps of money out there...but it’s currently used for absolutely FRIVIOULS things, which is a HUGE pity.

I have gone a bit off track here/opened up a few other things relating to fame, but in the end, they go hand in hand, the fame, the power, the popularity, the money.

Another thing I wanted to speak of well, going back to the ‘wanders’ of fame, was the separation point. Because yeah, as I said earlier, the obsession/popularity, the lengths that fans go to see/meet these famous people is outstanding a lot of the time. So there is huge separation in this, like “WOAH, no way, I can’t believe it’s him/her! This is fucking amazing!” And then all control/common sense is lost to do what it takes to speak to/meet this person, as an example. We REALLY grow to admire fame/famous people.

But it’s important to take it back to the start. These famous people are the exact same as you and I. I’ve read plenty of stories of these famous people starting their lives ‘badly’. Like, family disagreements, homelessness, shitty jobs..now they are hugely popular and have it all. It’s the same as any occupation/thing, if one practices enough, then bang...one will be good at it. We’re all the fucking same, even if you don’t want to admit it, we are. But we are blinded by power/popularity/money/fame, that makes us see eachother as better than, worse than etc. All these beliefs regarding meaningless things, or, what SHOULD be meaningless things. Is real power/’wealth’ not to be/stand for what is best for all? What is best for all life? To accept all the way they are, no matter their background, livelihood/their past? The power of what is best for all is already a part of us ALL. It’s just that we’ve been blinded by variousssss things, and we’ve allowed ourselves to blindly follow our minds/be led on by our mind/controlled by our minds. Sooooo, it’s SIMPLY about unravelling this power of what is best for all, and this is done through Investigating DESTENI. There is a lot to learn, but it’s a fun ride to have, the ride of Desteni. The power one gains is incomparable. Do you want a new life? Look no further than Desteni, look no further than the DIP Lite course, look no further than the DIP Pro course.

Investigate something that will genuinely help yourself/others. There’s no time to waste. People are beginning to wake up, slowly...INCREASE the pace/power of this waking up through investigating Desteni.

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Saturday, 7 November 2015

Day 522 - What's the expected expression?


There are a lot of, within our current society, and within and as the use of our minds/being directed by our minds, there are a lot of 'expected' expressions/reactions to things in life/situations in life. Like, if things aren't 'going to plan' then one expects to be angry/frustrated, and others expect that person to be angry/frustrated, because that is how that person would feel given the same situation. So, we just reflect what we'd feel like in any given situation. Sadness over a death, sadness over missing someone. They all tie in with what we expect of eachother as 'humans' and so as emotions/feelings.

Here's what happened to me recently. So, I started this new job in a call-centre type place. Basically making calls to various individuals as to raise funds/donations for appeals/research purposes and such. Anyway, I was in a group of 5 people starting out. We were on the phones, making calls for about an hour, and 1 person in this group of us stated/believed that all 5 of us had taken in a donation. I was the only one that had not taken in a donations yet. So, I said "Not me!" Lol. And I got various shows of support from people such as "Don't give up!" "Don't worry about it." "Keep pushing!"

And within these responses, I started participating within and as this comparison game, comparing myself to these other individuals who had taken in donations. While I hadn't as of yet. I was kind of participating in a few dimensions. On the one hand, within and as the reality of the situation, it was NOT a competition, there were as of then, no 'bonuses' for taking in donations, and even if there were bonuses, it's still no competition with others. 2, there can be a myriad of factors, such as who one is talking to and/or how willing they are to donate, that person's situation at the time etc. It's all random after all, on who speaks to who and so on. But also 3, I was participating within and as defeat, defeat that I had not taken in any donations yet, but the rest have, belief that I was 'left behind' - that this situation is one of humiliation.

The reality of the situation, was that there was nothing I was 'doing wrong'. I was doing the exact same as others do, but it was just the way the cookie crumbled, it was just the way things were going, simple as that, really. Anyway, more and more, this defeat took over me. And I commented to others in the group about my lack of donation-getting, and I got reassuring comments to hang in there. But all this time, I was like "What the Hell, I KNOW the reality of this situation, and it's not a competition whatsoever, and it's not a race, and taking in no donations as of yet whilst everyone else has is NOT a threat to me as a person at all." BUT, I still wanted to show this defeated character, this victim character. I wanted to play the part of the 'expected person' and the 'expected reaction' and I saw that as self-defeating, being self-defeated, being the one who sucks at this job etc, through comparison with others who had 'done better than me' etc.

It was silly, really. I should have stayed true to myself and been an EXAMPLE of stability through and through, yet, I wanted to be/show what I saw that others would be/show in this same situation, so one of self-defeat. Whether that was through encouraging comments by others or by my own self-doing, this self-defeat, it was my self-responsibility to either show an act of self-defeat, or to show nothing, to see the reality of it all, to be stable - what I should have done/been, and within this, despite encouraging comments by others or not within reflecting themselves back to me within how they'd feel in my situation, it's still no reason to act in the 'expected fashion' in this instance of self-defeat within comparison/competition with others/what others are doing.

I played the game, the game of the 'expected' and so the game of the mind, even though I knew better, I really did - it was certainly failure on my behalf to go the way of the mind, instead of remaining a stable individual within seeing the reality of the situation and so seeing there as being no competition/no comparison.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the game of the 'expected' expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play along with the mind/the mind's of others through the 'usual' stuff, that being emotions/feelings/competitive nature/comparison and self-defeat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as the self-defeat character, when in reality, I knew that this self-defeat character was totally unnecessary/unrealistic and just not needed whatsoever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to revert back to old habits in terms of what I saw 'should' happen in the situation within and as emotions/feelings/reactions of the mind/being directed by my mind.

Within this, I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to 'fit in' with others and within this and through using this EXCUSE of fitting in with others, see it as acceptable to revert back to my old habits/ways within and as my mind and so within and as emotions/feelings/reactions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that within and as participating as this self-defeated character within competition/comparison, it was NOT even 'fully here' and I was not even participating within and as it fully, as I once was, this because I was AWARE that it was my mind, and I was AWARE that I COULD have STOPPED myself from participating and/or half-participating within and as this character/my mind, yet I was wanting to show/be what was 'expected' of me within and as the 'usual' 'human' ways, which are of course in fact just the ways of the MIND of humans.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that stability and/or the not showing of emotions/feelings/reactions is WEIRD and UNHEARD OF. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that because stability/the lack of emotion/feeling/reaction is certainly rare, it's my excuse of it being rare as a means of not BEING IT, myself. I forgive myself that I have thus accepted and allowed myself to skip being an example of stability in favour of 'the old ways' and 'the common ways' and within these, the ways of the MIND as what is 'expected' and 'common place' amongst the majority of humans here on Earth. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge stability/no emotion/feeling/reaction as STRANGE/UNUSUAL/WEIRD, purely because it is NOT common place amongst the MINDS of humans, and so use this as excuse for not wanting to/not being an example of stability/no emotion/feeling/reaction.

When and as I see myself desiring to use the 'expected' emotion/feeling/reaction of what IS common place amongst humans, albeit within and as the MIND, I stop and breathe. I realise that the whole point of being an EXAMPLE of stability is to NOT REVERT back to these old ways for the mere sake of 'appearing normal' or 'appearing like the rest'. I realise that me as an example is that of people to follow/look up to and so want to be the same, which is my self-responsibility as myself/for others, and so for CHANGE for myself/others. I commit myself to stop, to breathe when in situations of desiring to BE LIKE THE OTHERS which is actually the same as ALLOWING MY MIND TO DIRECT ME, and to instead of doing this, bring myself back HERE within and as my physical body of stability and so within and as being an EXAMPLE of such stability and so an example of no emotion/feeling/reaction of my mind. I commit myself NOT to 'do what's expected' or 'be what's expected' which again, is the way of the MIND and the DIRECTION OF THE MIND, that in itself is NEVER THE ANSWER which I've learnt, or, SHOULD have learnt by now, that being of the mind/allowing direction by the mind is NEVER an option, EVER. And to do so is to IGNORE the physical of my being/body here, and it is also to NOT be an example of what I KNOW I am/CAN BE here. I commit myself to be CHANGE at ALL TIMES. I commit myself not to judge/label stability/no emotion/feeling/reaction as WEIRD/STRANGE/ODD - I commit myself to instead see stability/no emotion/feeling/reaction as what it ACTUALLY IS, that is, REALITY, REAL, LIFE, HERE, the very DEFINITION of LIFE HERE, a person DEVOID of manipulation through MIND, an EXAMPLE OF LIFE, what it means to be life, a real and genuine person/life, a dignified life.

When and as I see myself desiring to use emotion/feeling/reaction because it is COMMON PLACE within society/within the average human on Earth, I stop and breathe. I realise that emotion/feeling/reaction being common place is simply a SYMPTOM of the MIND. I realise that what the majority do/are is NOT 'what is BEST'. I realise that the majority are BLINDED. I realise that the majority are NOT LIFE. I realise that it is up to me to be an EXAMPLE OF LIFE. I realise that with the knowledge/information/practical tools that I KNOW OF of what it means to be life, I Must ADHERE and MAKE USE OF this knowledge/information/practical tools so as to BE LIFE, anything less is to IGNORE/SUPPRESS the things I know in favour of fuck ups/fucking up my life/the lives of others and to also HINDER the change that can happen as myself/as others as my lack of being an example for others. I commit myself to be life no matter who is around, who is in company, what is in company. I commit myself NOT to 'go with the flow' in terms of blindly following/doing what others do, who are directed by their minds/the mind. I commit myself to be my own person, the person that I know is needed here, a difference in person, a person of life/what is best for all. I commit myself to be aware of the complete waste of time that I participate within and as through reverting to 'old ways' and 'the ways of the mind'. I commit myself to STOP looking backwards. I commit myself to LOOK FORWARDS ALWAYS and so within doing so, be the CHANGED person that I am, as opposed to the going back/forth through being the OLD ME, then the NEW ME and vice versa which gets me absolutely nowhere and only goes to show that I must push myself FURTHER to be life/to be an example of life to others.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that ALL moments are important in terms of being an example of stability/change/a difference, no matter how SLIGHT the moment may appear. So, I commit myself to see, realise and understand the importance of being stable in EVERY SINGLE MOMENT that I am here/that I have here, because it can either be a slight moment/a small moment, or a series of moments that accumulate towards another seeing myself as an example and so then wanting to be an example themselves through investigating Desteni for themselves which benefits all of course. I commit myself to never 'drop my guard' and 'lose' that stability that I know I can be, ever.

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Wednesday, 4 November 2015

Day 521 - Does caring mean weakness/softness?


As I was playing golf with another and this person and I had a chat about the ducks/birds on the golf course that would congregate, something occurred to me, and that is that for the majority of people, to show caring qualities to things, not only animals, but just caring in general, for other humans too, it is a sign of 'weakness' and/or 'softness'. And as that belief happens, so rings true a lack of strength/power. So, from what I see, if one displays caring qualities, it is usually looked down upon.

Having said that, I see that it differs between men and women. From the male perspective, strength/power is highly regarded and sort after, and within that, any sign of caring is generally not looked highly upon from a male's perspective. Whereas within society on the other hand, from a female perspective, caring qualities are more highly regarded for the most part, and so the ability to care for others/things is 'generally' accepted and seen as a good thing from the female perspective.

This is just basic though. Of course it can differ totally between genders, it's definitely not always the case as I said above. But basically, it's because females are seen as the more caring individuals, and men as the strong/powerful individuals. Taking away the genders though, either way, I mean...caring for one another/all life/everything, there is still a lack of strength/power for a person if they show these caring qualities. So it comes back to self-interest. If one sees themselves as highly regarded and/or better than others, and within that, separating themselves from a duty of caring for others, because they simply see others as 'less than' - that is seen by others thus as a good thing, this sort of 'attitude' and some people are compelled by that, that 'quality'. The attitude quality.

So, it's a necessity for people to work with their minds, and so their beliefs/emotions/feelings and so as to stop this separation from other things, as to be able to consider everything. Caring is simply what is best for all. We need more carers on Earth, not powerful/strong people who care only about self-interest/themselves/enjoy their own attitudes.
It's funny, because in fact the real sign of power/strength IS the ability to care for all. So, to absolutely vanquish self-interest. To be one with all life here is real power/strength ability. It is immensely gratifying/rewarding.

So, caring does in fact = strength/power. It is a genuine and powerful/strong quality to have, and to live. It is NOT a sign of weakness as it has come to be seen within society. There's nothing more powerful/strong as to be able to see from ALL thing's perspectives, and so thus to be able to assist/support them as one would like to receive that same assistance/support, I mean come on, HOW powerful/strong is that? It's incredibly powerful/strong.

Don't fear to care.

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