Sunday, 25 December 2016

Day 625 - Acknowledgement is NOT enough

So obviously..Christmas............

I’ve seen all the footage (and in person too) of people opening their presents, the joy on their faces etc.

We are ‘lucky’ in that we are able to give and receive presents, and bring apparent joy to one another. Okay – we all KNOW poverty exists. We all know we are extremely lucky and fortunate to be in the positions we are in. But what I’m getting at is this is NOT and NEVER enough. It is NEVER enough to simply acknowledge this and acknowledge the state of the world. We all know it exists – what most of us try to do, and do well I might add, is ignore the FUCKED UP state of the world/others. We do this so we can live our joyous lives. Yes, why not do this? If we are to look at what is actually happening, thus BEYOND acknowledgement, then this joy, I can guarantee you, will be SHORT lived and eventually NON-EXISTENT.

Why non-existent? Because to feel joy, these feelings/emotions...whilst YOU KNOW that others are in excruciating pain. Unable to move..unable to find anything to eat, to drink. No home. No fucking anything. This would never bring a sane person joy. To know that your fellow human is in this position. They are us, and we are them, as equals – simple as that. Do the fucking math already. None are equal until ALL are equal. None can be until all can be. None are until all are.

It is such simple stuff, yet we believe we have no control, no power, no direction, no way. Desteni IS a way, an amazing way I might add. This is real, proper, legitimate CHANGE. Change of YOU. Change as EXAMPLE. Change that EACH OF US require. We need this awakening. This process changes us, what we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to become, to exist as, to do to others, to ourselves, to fellow life.

What you must realise is that this process is fucking long, fucking difficult, but fucking effective at the same time. There is no easy/fast solution to rewiring ourselves to be that which is best for all. We must undo what we have been and are. Again, each must do this, and 1 + 1 + 1 – each making a presence of this, with blogs/vlogs, sharing, and example. We can do this, but it requires each of us. Self-forgiveness actually works. I know this. Check out DIP Lite (link at bottom).

At DIP Lite you will be introduced to change, slowly, but efficiently. It’s free. It’s amazingly informative, and it’s practical to perform and practice..and do...self-forgiveness and the writings. If it does not work for you, DIP Lite, self-forgiveness, writings, then I can boldly say that you are still living in fear. Fear of using these tools, fear of giving up your current life/lifestyle of what you believe is just, what you believe is the best way to live.

Truth is, sometimes we have to give up things to grow, to evolve, and this is exactly what I’ve done and am doing and I couldn’t be more happy about this. This is the best thing I’ve ever done in my life, because it is not only assisting me, but ALL. I am no longer wasting my life and being here simply to survive until death and allow others to do the same until the world no longer can sustain our abuse. I am 1 amongst many around the world that is going to change this and already IS changing this. All the projects within Desteni, all the information, all the assistance, the guidance, it’s right underneath your hands! Right infront of your face. All you gotta do is look, type, do, and you will discover real solutions for ALL.

Enjoy. Thanks.

Day 624 - Investigating something

So today I asked one about something. They reacted as if it were odd/unusual, even threatening that I ask about this. Why, because it is rare to investigate things, to ask questions. So doing so can be taken ‘personally’ – when in reality I simply wanted to know something, and know about something. Seems pretty basic, right?

So through this, it just adds to the point that most are happy, or just know to never ask, never question, and to accept blindly what we are told, what we are showed, everywhere and everywhen.

Obviously, this is why we MUST change. We MUST question, we must INVESTIGATE, we must LEARN. And we must be WILLING to accept that things that we’ve learnt/known of in our lives MAY not be the truth, may not be helpful, may not be what is best for all. And this is the most difficult part for people, to know one has lived a lie, or if not, a lot of lies, but this is fine. It’s okay that it has taken you 20 years, 50 years, 90 years to come to this conclusion. It does not make your life a waste, no, it makes your life worth it for actually questioning and taking the plunge into the unknown, it shows a fuck load of character to be willing to look elsewhere, to look at a source that is not common amongst people, that is not as of yet popular, that some would say is very left-field, very odd, and of course it is classified as this, because ANYTHING NOT  in line with the same shit we’re fed in life is going to labelled as ODD, as FUCKED, as WEIRD, as DANGEROUS, because we don’t WANT to believe that we’ve been lied to, that we’ve not been living as what is best for all, and of course the people behind the scenes feeding us this shit don’t want us to wake up to the truth of life, of the way we’ve lived.

It is surely apparent/clear to you that we’ve been lied to by the media. It doesn’t matter if only ONCE. Do a tiny bit of investigation and you will find this. Even the slightest hint of lie, of manipulation, of control – should be the awaking within you to NOT trust what is being said/showed to you. If it is happening once, then it is happening elsewhere and/or everywhere, you just gotta read between the lines.

Stand by your investigations. Don’t let anyone/anything deter you, is what I say. People will tell you not to investigate, that it is fake, that what you’ve been told/shown is the truth and nothing but, but and lol...when you breathe in, breathe out...many times, and then realise where you are, where WE are as humanity, LAUGH, because this is hilarious, what we’ve become, what we are and have been – killing eachother, stealing, abusing, the lot. What type of life form is born here to do any of this? We are born to fuck eachother up in some way, shape or form? No, we’ve simply been pitted against eachother/life to feed into the pockets of some.

Stop the abuse.

For your sake and the sake of others, investigate DESTENI. Be willing. Stop the lies within you. Because believe me, this shit makes SENSE. I am yet to run into anything Desteni related that does NOT make sense. But again, you must investigate thoroughly. Don’t read a paragraph and then stop. Read a whole article for example, listen to a whole interview. You don’t have to do any of this all in 1 sitting, but I mean when coming to a CONLCUSION, read/watch/listen to everything first, if over days/weeks etc. Don’t point fingers/come to conclusions before you have concluded something yourself and can be honest about this/concluding something yourself. Thanks.

Friday, 16 December 2016

Day 623 - Another

Person A wants me to come along with them so I can meet Person B. Person A and B are very close to one another. Person B really wants to meet me. Person A does not mind so much, but would like me to meet Person B.

Then there is me lol. I have no interest at all in meeting Person B. Not to say that I dislike them or anything like that, there’s just no interest. Person B merely wants to meet me because Person A knows me basically, and wants to also know me, that is Person B’s reason. I couldn’t care less who Person A knows and then want to meet them based simply on this fact.

For me, it’s more like, well sure..if Person B and I are to come across one another by coincidence, then cool lol. Right now it seems more of a requirement to meet Person B, where I’d much rather it flow, be natural in the sense that it happens after time/when for example Person A and I get to know eachother more. So I see/well, believe that this is all happening too fast, really. Where I’d much rather it slow down, take its time, form naturally (if it does) etc. So just giving it time before all these what I call ‘extras’ take place.

Saturday, 10 December 2016

Day 622 - Subtle energetic moments

Energy can be so subtle within us. I’ve spoken to people about self-forgiveness, about the mind, about the physical. Energy here is basically linked with the mind and what can direct us to participate within emotions, feelings, thoughts, fears etc. In other words, any energy is not a healthy thing for our physical bodies in any way, shape or form, plus it is not needed in any way, shape or form.

So, I’ve spoken to people who have basically said that they are fine, they are already not directed by any energy whatsoever. I beg to differ. From walking process/understanding this myself, energy can be SO SUBTLE, that it takes many writings, and a LOT of awareness to even realise this energy is coming up within us and directing us. So what this means is ANY SINGLE DIFFERENT ROUTE one takes in any given second, in any given moment that is ‘off course’ so to speak of what we were doing in that moment, that is a red flag situation and the evidence of energy coming up within one.

This can be in what we say/don’t say, how we move/don’t move, what action we take/don’t take etc. So I can safely say that if one proclaims that they are not at all directed by energy, they are incorrect, because we all are. And in these subtle energy-directed moments, it can change a whole lot about us and thus who we are in relation to others/life.

This is why it’s so necessary to walk process, walk back to life, walk back to our physical forms as we were when we were born, before we were programmed to be this and that, to fear this and that, to think this and that, to feel this and that. Until we have walked this process and can safely say we’re back as our physical beings, then as I said, any energetic movement/direction within us can fuck us around and make us say/do things that will compromise ourselves/others, and that cannot be if we want a world/society/a people that is best for all in every way, shape and form – simply.

So realise that what we are now is NOT how we were born/meant to be. When we were born we were fearless. We took risks. We challenged ourselves. We grew. We evolved. We learnt by trial and error. We weren’t afraid. This is what we must get back to. And only through a process of return to the physical, can we do this.

And yes this is done through self-forgiveness, through consistency, through precision, through a fuck load of tough times, too, because again as I have witnessed, there are a lot of difficult times that one must rise up to and conquer in this process. It’s not easy. It shouldn’t be easy. Because if it were easy, then there’d be an issue. There are layers amongst layers amongst layers of patterns, of programming, of brainwashing within us all, so yes obviously it takes a long time, dedication, consistency to break these and bring ourselves BACK. Do yourself and the people/life around you a favour. Be example.

Tuesday, 6 December 2016

Day 621 - Support for sake of support?

Someone that I would be considered ‘close with’ started a group/page. Usually, that meaning, as someone as the mind/directed by, I’d support because I want to see those close to me do well + I also feel obliged to support them because they are again, considered ‘close with’ me.

Now I see no reason to do this. Of course in reality there is no obligation to do anything, nothing for the sake of 2 people being close or whatever. It really should ONLY come down to myself here. So simply whether I like this group/page/see it as what is best for all. That should be my ONLY criteria.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that my ONLY criteria for doing ANYTHING should be if I see it as best for all/something I like/something that can help others etc, thus without IGNORING or bypassing this for SAKE of supporting another because of labels and within these labels, apparent ‘closeness’ and within this feeling obliged to support because of these ‘closeness’ labels within my mind.

I commit myself to be my OWN person, my own vessel, my own body, my own. Because this is all I am in reality. Everything I do can be seen by others and thus they will act accordingly, same goes for me, so it’s simply about my starting point of doing ANYTHING, and NOT EVER because of WHO or WHY.

I commit myself to remove these ‘closeness’ labels as the mind as ‘obligation’ I believe I must partake in for sake of ‘closeness’ labels as the mind and obligation.

I commit myself to act to every single thing on an individual level so that I am simply here with it/something and then act accordingly as what is best for all/that I like etc.

Saturday, 3 December 2016

Day 620 - Vulnerable

Definitions: exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.
"we were in a vulnerable position"
  • (of a person) in need of special care, support, or protection because of age, disability, or risk of abuse or neglect.
"the scheme will help charities working with vulnerable adults and young people"

So here, the general consensus of one being vulnerable is of negativity. I can relate to this too as only seeing this word as negativity within my life, that being vulnerable can be scary, terrifying, it is threatening. Though this word recently came up where I saw that it can be helpful as well. Helpful in terms of being willing/open, allowing myself to experience new things in life, because that does in fact require a level of vulnerability.

For example, going to a gathering that could be only for a ‘certain type’ of person, and thus one going into this gathering is being possibly vulnerable, but then it’s also going in as example, example for instance that ‘certain types’ does not have to be an actual thing because we are obviously all equal.

So I now see vulnerable as willingness, as opening, as trying, as new ground, new scenarios/scenes, allowance.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be vulnerable in terms of being willing to try new things/be in new places/positions as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe vulnerability to be a negative thing associated purely with fear, weakness.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see vulnerability as an act willingness to change self, to learn/grow, to explore, to become what is best for all.

I commit myself to put myself in vulnerable positions and thus without the thoughts prior to the vulnerable position of fear, of fearing what might happen, future projections.

I commit myself to try things. I commit myself to do things, things that I’ve never done before, things that I do fear as the mind, because being vulnerable here is showing myself a willingness to actually change myself.

I commit myself to be vulnerable to/for others as exploration, as allowance, as willingness, as trust, as growing.

I commit myself to get past/overcome the initial ‘difficult’ moments/times as the mind within and as fear, future projections, what will/will not happen, embarrassment, making a mistake.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that through living vulnerability, I am being willing.

Redefinition of vulnerable: Being open, being willing, giving things a chance/shot, being open/willing to learning, to growing, to expanding, to evolving as what is best for all.

Wednesday, 30 November 2016

Day 619 - Why do I not look forward to work?

Okay so I see that it’s getting down to it. I have only been in training for the time being, learning the ropes etc, soon I’ll be starting out for real. Though I within my mind have this image that I will fuck up, I will need help, I will fuck up again – is this negativity/pessimism, or reality? Both I’d say. I mean realistically, of course I don’t know a lot. I will run into situations where I don’t know what to do or need clarification. LEARNING TAKES TIME.

But htat I will ‘fuck up’ – is my mind as negativity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not look forward to work because I will be doing ‘the real thing’ soon and thus have more responsibility as myself and as an employee, failing to see, realise and understand that this was bound to happen, within this I commit myself to take on this challenge as my personal GROWTH, DEVELOPMENT, CHANGE as what is best for all and as thus example.


I commit myself to take my process SLOWLY as possible, taking in and absorbing information at my own pace until I get there.

For me the big part is speaking on the phone to others

Why, because I ‘feel’ like I am responsibile, that it’s UP TO ME to fix shit, and I am new, so I am still ‘expected’ to know this shit, but I won’t because I am new, because it undoubtedly takes time, for different people etc. I know I’m kind etc etc. Attitude is fine (well for the most part lol). So it’s the actual info that they need/answers that I am providing as job description that I fear because well, simply I will need time to learn/stop, make the person wait so I can find the answer, but there is NOTHING else I can do.

You know, so all I can do is my best. If I need to put them on hold/ask them to wait, then so be it. If they hang up because they’re for example sick of waiting, then so be it. If I get feedback that says whatever whatever, then so be it. Simply, as long as I do my best, which I always do, then nothing happens, because I’ve committed myself to doing this, putting my best foot forward, going forwards, making strides, absorbing info, that is all that can be asked of me, so whatever outflow of that is simply what is in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only consider negative outflows of myself and what I do.

Friday, 25 November 2016

Day 618 - How do I know if I am lying with my self-forgiveness?

I had this concern within myself that I could be doing this, and not knowing whether I am doing this or not (lying as self-forgiveness). For example, forgiving myself as a way of having something go my way or ‘feeling better’ – though by staying within the mind as desires and such.

So how can I know that my self-forgiveness, whether written, or saying within the moment aloud/to myself is self-honest? Well, I see that it comes to how instant it is. That being, if I am taking TIME to THINK IT OUT first, then it most likely is not self-honest and thus is a lie of sorts. What I see here is that yes, basically all of my self-forgiveness HAS been self-honest/said instantly/within a moment, though this whole point has come up as a fear within my mind, fear that I am lying as self-forgiveness, that I am ‘twisting facts’ or manipulating self-forgiveness as excuse/justification to continue down the same mind-directed paths and such.

Self-forgiveness happens in a moment, without hesitation or resistance. It must just be said directly in a moment. There is absolutely NO reason to have to ‘think’ about what one must say in a moment. It is already here. We know what we’re doing or not doing, we know if we’re being directed by the mind or here as our physical selves.

It’s about keeping it basic, really. It’s when we think at all, when we fuck ourselves up and make something more than it is/overthinking etc.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that self-forgiveness as it SHOULD BE happens instantly, in a moment, in breath, here.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that self-forgiveness does NOT require thought, it simply requires saying, or writing, or doing, in a moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my self-forgiveness has been ‘wrong’ or a ‘lie’ which I in fact realise is my mind’s method of attempting to gain back control/direction of myself and thus over my physical body in attempting to manipulate me/continue with the manipulation that I once allowed it to have over my physical body/direction as the physical.

When and as I see myself fearing whether my self-forgiveness is ‘legitimate’ – I stop and breathe. I realise that any self-forgiveness IN A MOMENT/INSTANTLY IS self-honest, it IS real, it IS what is required in a moment AS a physical response to a situation/moment.

Thus I commit myself to speak my self-forgiveness and write it instantly, in the moment to aid my physical body in getting back on course/the path as direction and thus minus the mind-direction/path that has led me to self-dishonesty over my life.

Thursday, 17 November 2016

Day 617 - Photogenic

The definition of photogenic is “(especially of a person) looking attractive in photographs or on film.”

In my life I have HATED photos lol. I always felt uneasy about them. As soon as it came time for someone to hold up a camera and then me and/or others and well me having to stand there/sit there, whatever it was and wait until the photo was done, was a moment I dreaded.

What went through my mind as I waited for photos to happen/be taken were “How will I look after this photo is taken?” “I hope I look okay.” “What if I look stupid?” “What if I look ugly?” “What if I look weird?” “What if my smile/laugh looks fake?” “What if I don’t look genuine/real?”

Things like this.

Really funny now that I look at all these backchats/words that go through my mind in that moment of waiting, because that waiting period is usually no longer than 10 seconds lol.

But that is what goes on. So in accordance with my participation in all of this chat within my mind, how of course not, I cannot possibly be ‘ready’ within my physical self for a photo, and that will in fact be NOTICED/SEEN after I see the photo output. I will know of resistance, of hesitancy, of friction, of fears. Pretty fascinating actually.

So of course my best bet is to have NO chat/backchat within my mind of questioning myself/what the photo will look like/how I look etc. I look how I look as my physical self. I have ONE look, I’m only one person. I can pull expressions and stuff, but it’s still me.
So going back to this ‘photogenic’ term/definition, I can only ‘look’ how I LOOK/AM. Simple as that. This ‘attractive’ part is meaningless. What I am is what I am, how I am is how I am, what I look like is what I look like, and so then I commit myself to not participate within chat/backchat within my mind of questioning how I will look in the photo/if I will look this way or that way in a photo, if I will be genuine/real.

I commit myself to simply BE with a camera infront of me.

I commit myself to express if I want to with a camera infront of me.

I commit myself to accept photos of myself as that is what I look like. 

Wednesday, 16 November 2016

Day 616 - Redoing something

I was doing something and was doing it as I saw was necessary, but then the boss stated that this wasn’t ‘as’ correct/right as it could have been. Even now I see how it was practically the same method either way with only minor differences, really. Though the boss’ word reigns supreme, so I ended up redoing it. Though at the time/upon almost finishing this task, then getting the word about this being possibly ‘wrong’ – I was in a disbelief lol, but I accepted the word from the boss and redid it.

So here I see that well everyone has a different perspective on things. It can be a perfectionist-type of perspective/view for example, which is what I saw here, mine was more of a general/but still accurate method – again, all in all, these methods were the same with only minor differences if any. But of course I accepted because that was the position I was in at the time.

Tuesday, 15 November 2016

Day 615 - Boy

Today was a pretty good day. Cooking. Computer room/study. All in all, well. Something I did react to was being referred to as “boy”. When I hear this, I immediately get a bit agitated within myself. It’s all because of how I see myself, and specifically seeing myself as not-adult/not-adult enough. And within this, more kid/teen-like.

There are a few reasons for this. The socialising aspect. Generally I’m not big on socialising. Not because I ‘hate’ it or people lol, but generally I like my alone time, I like my own company, but yes I do enjoy speaking with others, but as I’ve spoken about before, the common ground/mutual aspects must exist. So those, + the talking not as force, only when ‘needed’ or real/legitimate, and ya it can be seen as antisocial blah blah etc.

This coupled with how I dress.

So these are both points I’ve written out before, but evidently require further writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react negatively within myself at being referred to as “boy” by another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see being a boy as a negative thing, as if a boy as a child is a negative thing. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it’s wrong/mean for one to refer to me as boy and that it is an insult from them/attack on me, when in reality it’s just my relationship with the word ‘boy’ – the negative energies/relationship I’ve associated with ‘boy’.

I commit myself to accept myself as a boy, as a man, as a human, as a person, whatever relevant label/title or other label/title and go with it, because my reactions to whatever word only show me, me/myself and what I need to work on/release.

Monday, 14 November 2016

Day 614 - Still in high school at 23, embarrassment

So I had this dream last night that I was still in high school at 23. Generally a person finishes high school/leaves at 18 years old, providing they passed year 12. So in this dream either I continued failing so had to repeat year 12 constantly (after 5 years) or I decided to give high school another shot because I never finished year 12 (which I never did in reality, so I suspect this was the case in the dream).

So the emotion here for me was embarrassment. Embarrassed that I was ‘too dumb’ to finish year 12 and I never gave it a go. I ended up doing year 10, then did year 11 at another school, then decided not to do year 12. At that time it was because I didn’t enjoy the schooling system and everything, so I did a more specific course in a field that I was interested in.

So here I see that, and I have this belief a lot, is that I am dumb/stupid. There are things which a lot of people seem to know of, as if common knowledge/information, but I do not always know it. Then I blame myself for not doing year 12. It can be certain history that I don’t know, or information regarding space/the solar system, geography etc.

Though here I realise there is no guarantee that I’d actually learn all this in year 12. So it’s the belief that I am missing information/have missed out on information, and I am pointing the reason why to not completing this year level. Though again, in reality, it was more likely to be my lack of concentration, not wanting to learn, preferring to play video games/listen to music, whatever it was. So if I did redo high school/primary school, that being, with and as the NEW me, the changed me, then absolutely, I’d be dedicated/diligent. I’d find fascination in learning. And doing well, for my sake as a career, as money, as survival.

Anyway, that chapter is over. I am here now. With the dawn of the internet, libraries..books etc, there is a library of many different sources. So if there’s something I want to know, I research it. Though I’m not going to research things based on what I ‘think’ I ‘should’ know as what is apparent common sense/knowledge/information – if I don’t know something, then fine, I ask, I question/someone can inform me.

I commit myself to research the things I WANT TO research.

I commit myself not to research/learn things based on what I believe is common sense/information/knowledge out of fear of looking stupid/dumb within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as stupid/dumb within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to participate within embarrassment within my mind when people are talking about things that they know of, but I do not, then I pretend to know of what they are speaking of, though this is lying to myself and others for sake of wanting to be on the same page/level as they are. So I commit myself to be honest with myself and others and ask about it, get answers if I want them, and then obviously learn, take that information onboard for myself/use it/live it.

I commit myself not to pretend I know things. I commit myself to seek answers simply from a point of wanting to know/learn. I commit myself to be honest with and within myself for my own sake/sake of others.

I commit myself not to see myself as ‘not belonging’ with others based on not knowing things.

I commit myself to realise that life belongs with life.

Saturday, 12 November 2016

Day 613 - Amount of friends

Person A has a lot of friends. Someone who has lots of friends has good people skills generally. I see intimidation in this. Like “They have so many friends/people around them, they must be cool.” So there is inferiority here. That because I don’t have a lot of friends/people around me, that I’m not as ‘cool’ – or I’m simply not as good/good enough, inferior. And they are superior..better, cool etc.

Thing is, people do not MAKE a person. A person, an individual makes a person/individual, from within self.

And I don’t know the whys to Person A having lots of people around/knowing lots of people. It can be a point of loneliness, it can be energy-based, it can be not wanting to be seen as a loner – I do not know. Because generally speaking, it is seen as negative to be alone, to have no friends/no people around, like having people around/friends etc is the holy grail of life, the pinnacle. The pinnacle of what it means to be human, to be life – how social one is and/or popular. The amount of people etc around one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the pinnacle of being human/life is to be popular, is to have lots of friends/people around, is to know lots of people, is to be as social as possible, within this, believing that the ‘key’ to being the pinnacle lies in others, when the key to being the pinnacle, the pinnacle of life as Equality and Oneness exists here in all of us, thus it’s to find this point and reach it through process which I commit myself to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel intimated by one who is popular/has people around them/knows many people. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel intimated by social people who seem to be able to get on well with everyone.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that we all have this quality of being able to get on well with people, though it’s a mutual thing.

When and as I see myself believing myself to be inferior to one who is very social/has many people around/is popular, I stop and breathe. I realise that this is not in fact the pinnacle of being human/life as I believed it to be. I realise that the pinnacle of life is who one is, simply.


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Thursday, 10 November 2016

Day 612 - Equality is the ONLY option

On the walk back from a soccer match to the car, I saw a homeless person sleeping to the side of the footpath.

You know, from the self-investigation/change I’m undertaking, it’s so absolutely unfathomable that I have allowed this to happen/exist. A world/society like this, where being homeless is an option. Seeing it for myself only fuels the realisation, no, the necessity for change. And it is my goal in life, no question. To change myself. Be an example of change. Help others change themselves. There is NO stopping until all are equal. There is NO stopping until all can live an enjoyable life.

I mean, everything else can get fucked. Sport, entertainment, music – this is all bullshit when seen next to the destruction/chaos of everyday life. It’s in many, many forms. That is why there can only be one goal. The goal of change and within that, self-investigation, self-change, example and thus creating ripples in the world, in the system, in the lives of others.

If we don’t STAND for life, then our lives are meaningless. Sorry, that is the bold truth of the matter. Fact is, we’re each capable of self-change and thus the change of others. We either take this onboard/act upon it, or choose NOT TO and continue the ignorance. Why not do something that assists ALL? Why not give up the ‘pleasantries’ in the form of entertainment, music, sport etc?

Why not contribute to something massive? Why not help your fellow human? Why not be proud of who you are in this world? Why not give up your current life for something that is real and genuine?

It can be tempting to continue within the ignorance and programmed lives/patterns we have and are, but it’s nothing, it’s not reaching our potential, it’s not even considering our potential, it’s just..ignorance, it’s self-interest. It’s fake.

And it doesn’t matter how old you are, your gender, your origin, your background, your status in society, your job, your lack of job, your income, the vehicle you do or do not drive – so therefore there is NO excuse to justify you continuing this same life of not doing something for the benefit of all.

Tuesday, 8 November 2016

Day 611 - Eye contact

I’ve seen that when I make eye contact with others, MOST seem to struggle lol. Or only give me some. So as this happens, I thus have this believe that my eyes are..scary? Lol. I used to always avoid eye contact, because it made me uncomfortable. Granted, I can still make more, and this is one instance where I can, because I am not making as much eye contact, because others don’t do the same to me and thus I am not doing it as much. But I want to.

I realise that eye contact is a really cool way of communication, I mean, of bonding, of making it personal, of connection, all physically. So I will do it, despite others looking into my eyes or not. Though I don’t see it as practical to simply not do it because others aren’t giving me eye contact. And additionally, I do not have ‘scary’ eyes or anything of the ilk.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid eye contact with others based on them not giving me eye contact when I give them eye contact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my eyes as scary as the reason why people don’t give me eye contact.

I commit myself to give as much eye contact as I want to/see is necessary, no matter what another does/does not do in giving me eye contact or not.

When and as I see myself fearing eye contact in any way, shape or form, I stop and breathe. I realise that eye contact is for connection physically, thus I commit myself to give myself this opportunity of connection, no matter if another does the same to me/of me. I commit myself to embrace connection through eye contact. I commit myself to give myself the opportunity of connection physically through eye contact.

Monday, 7 November 2016

Day 610 - Flexible with food

In my life I’ve eaten apparent ‘lunch food’ for lunch, ‘breakfast food’ for breakfast and so on. So an example of breakfast food could be cereal. An example for lunch could be a sandwich. And dinner, a roast.

I have gotten rid of this to now just eat whatever the Hell I want to, at whatever time I want to lol. Though I see that with some things, for instance if I take them as lunch to work, that I am judging myself for the products I eat at lunch time. So I still have this idea that sandwiches/rolls etc SHOULD be eaten at lunch. For me, there is this cereal I like. I am not taking this to work, but I like the cereal on its own. Biscuit kind of cereal.

So I was fearing taking this box to work and eating at lunch time. I mean, food is food. If I like it, I eat it. Unless it’s impractical, like carrying milk with me in my bag when it should be in the fridge, then what’s the big deal? There isn’t one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate certain foods with certain times of the day.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see food as food, thus if it works for my body, I eat it, simply.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for eating a ‘cereal’ at any time of the day.

When and as I see myself desiring to buy sandwiches/rolls and/or bringing them to work for the sake of it apparently being a ‘normal lunch’ – I stop and breathe. I realise that there is no such thing in reality as a ‘normal lunch’ – only a lunch that has become social norm, like a sandwich/roll. I realise that there is no food that is ‘off limits’ at lunch lol, or any part/time of the day.

I commit myself to give my body the necessary food simply to keep my body working as it should.

Sunday, 6 November 2016

Day 609 - KPI fear

I haven’t been in a work environment where KPI’s play a big role. The only ones I’ve had are getting the job done in the required amount of time and doing it efficiently. I’m starting a new job soon which will have differing KPI’s, but I suspect more than any role I’ve had. And more specific.

So I’ve been worrying about these. So therefore I already believe I can’t do it. Like, I can’t work under ‘pressure’ – or I will crumble under pressure. Though I am the one who creates this pressure in the first place. So if there is no pressure, then I don’t see why I can’t meet whatever KPI needs to be met.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create pressure within trying to meet KPI’s and within this therefore believing I can’t meet them, though I’m the one creating this apparent pressure environment in the first place, based on having to meet KPI’s.

So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate KPI’s with pressure and thus feel worried/stressed within my mind.

I see, realise and understand that without creating this pressure environment within my mind, that I can meet KPI’s effectively/well, because I simply do my job to the best of my ability, and being clear/stable within doing this/as a starting point will make me able to do the best job I can do and so meet these KPI’s effectively.

When and as I see myself fearing KPI’s and that I can’t meet them because they create pressure, I stop and breathe. I realise that I MYSELF create pressure, NOT the KPI’s. So I commit myself to meet any KPI’s I have as stability, through breath, and thus by doing the best I can do/be within this job/within meeting KPI’s.

Friday, 4 November 2016

Day 608 - Delaying the inevitable

I used to ATTEMPT to do this very frequently. At school it was when I had an oral presentation in a week...2...however long. And to 'cope' with my strong reactions towards this as fear, nerves, worry, anxiety, I'd 'pretend' as if it's a long way away. DENIAL. SUPPRESSION. And also I'd try to 'have as much fun' while I'm 'free' from having to FACE this oral presentation and thus FACE MYSELF!

This is but a single example in my life, but the way I handled it is the same for all future-things I didn't want to do.
So I've felt this way again recently to an extent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I can avoid/run away from the INEVITABLE.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to face myself as what comes up inside me in relation to dread, fear, worry, anxiety.

I commit myself to investigate my relationship to things and REMOVE the patterns that direct me to be fearful, worried, nervous, scared in relation to future things.

I commit myself not to 'enjoy' time before the activity as if cramming in as much enjoyment as possible to 'feel alive' and to 'feel happy/good' before 'getting to the shit stuff' that beholds me.


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Thursday, 3 November 2016

Day 607 - Feel like I can’t fit in if in Desteni group

So I look at this title and realise that I mean, this is something of well, what SHOULD happen lol. I see the mind is also at play here in belief that I can’t fit in with others etc as well, though. But generally speaking, and as I’ve realised, you know, everything is different after studying the Desteni material. From how one speaks, to how they act, how they do things, anything, it has a different impact on every little movement.

So within this, absolutely, it’s much different to the ‘old me’ and the average person. There is no getting around that. If I was HOPING to be able to relate more or fit in more with others, then I’d participate more within and as ENERGY. Like doing stupid shit to get laughs or impress, drinking alcohol heavily, taking drugs, not only that stuff..talking about a bunch of pointless shit lol, talking for the sake of talking, communicating because silence is apparently ‘awkward’ – so we force talking to ‘avoid the apparent awkwaredness’. You know, stuff like this.

But absolutely I DON’T want this or want to be this. I’m actually aware now. I don’t want to be this energy-driven being who is doing so for reasons to impress, to be liked etc. When stability exists and within that, no energy, there’s no need to do this pointless shit as I’ve seen/realised.

So for me it’s just the belief I can’t fit in without energy. I absolutely can, but it IS different. It SHOULD be different. Different for me. I’m a different/new person, someone who is aware. Someone who is direct. Real. Honest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot ‘fit in’ with others because I do not want to participate within and as energy – forcing conversation, drinking alcohol, taking drugs, saying shit for the sake of saying shit, avoiding ‘awkwardness’ or silence for the sake of it.

I see, realise and understand that me being different now is to do with awareness, stability, here-ness, physical and most of all, minus the mind and it’s STRONG influence over us and of course myself for most of my life.

So I commit myself to ‘fit in’ but DIFFERENTLY, thus as awareness, stability, as the physical, without the mind, yes it’ll be different, but it is meant to be, it’s a totally different way of being, thus all is different as my output. So here I see, realise and understand that DIFFERENT does NOT mean BAD or WRONG. Different in this case is actually NECESSARY, it is real, it is stable, it is physical, it is awareness.

I commit myself to embrace my new self for the benefit of all. I commit myself to embrace my DIFFERENCES as the best version of myself that I can be. I commit myself to delve into unknown territory as to discover, to learn, to BE. I commit myself to do different, different to my usual mind-influenced patterns/ways of doing things as I’ve been accustomed to.

I commit myself not to desire friendship and such and so within this desire to participate within energy for sake of friendship. This is means of wanting company, of loneliness, of desire.

I commit myself to continue standing/learning/embracing life as myself as all that I ‘require’ to be here in life, though not to disregard/neglect others in any way, shape or form, but simply as to correct my starting point so that I can build relationships/friendships etc as something cool, as something beneficial for both involved/mutual, as enjoyment, as learning, education.

Monday, 31 October 2016

Day 606 - Using the shit moments as gifts

Sometimes a shit moment hits me, a moment where I am really feeling the effects of a point and I allow it to direct me. And within this I think to myself “Fuck, why did this have to come up now, why not at a more ‘convenient’ time?” – so here, I mean, points can come up anytime/anywhen.

So it’s certainly not about when a point comes up, it’s about the decision I make when the point comes up, that being in participating or not participating. There are bigger points and smaller points that I’ve noticed within my life. Those that have the POTENTIAL to affect me more and those that are not so potentially affecting. The points that have the potential to affect me more are the most vital ones for me in making the decision not to participate within and as. I mean, same with the smaller points, but as I said, I find it easier already with the smaller points, it’s the bigger points that I find not as easy to not participate in.

So instead of seeing a bigger point come up within me as an inconvenience, whether based on the time, who I am with etc, I simply must make the decision to not participate in it.

I can use/utilise this bigger point coming up within me to make a STAND within the decision I make of NOT allowing it to direct me, NOT allowing myself to participate within it, and then proceed as the physical. These are very key moments. It’s the realisation that despite this point coming up for whatever the reason, I immediately get rid of it so that it does not affect me at that time.

And doing this time and time again, coupled with the necessary writings will eventually get me to a point of well, removal of this particular point/pattern. So it’s about training the physical body to not participate within anything that the mind serves up. It’s about creating a physical rhythm of STAND and of STABILITY. Fuck yes, it takes time, it takes patience, it takes resilience, but it’s the only way to overcome years and years of programming as patterns within life.

I commit myself to always stand within the shit moments, so that I train my physical body to stand and remain stable within all moments that I encounter and develop a rhythm/routine of standing and stability as my physical body so that I can overcome all and anything that comes my way.

Day 605 - Stupid/meaningless writings


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Sunday, 30 October 2016

Day 604 - Fear in missing details

So whilst writing my Desteni I Process Pro assignment, I was concerned with leaving out a lot of detail. I see why this is, is because for starters I wanted to do it right/correctly. But it got to a point where I was obsessing over trying to, in this particular occasion, recall every single instance of a particular memory. This is simply not always possible. So I put unneeded and simply unrealistic pressure upon myself to recall every tiny detail.

My DIP Pro buddy assisted me in realising I was going through this point of fear of missing details. Slowing down is the key in bringing the memories back in detail, but even so, I can only recall so much. So here I see it best to simply slow down, breathe....recall what I can recall and that is it. I do the best I can in that moment, and obviously any potential improvements I can make, I make them at a LATER time. But the important thing is in that moment I did the best I could to my ability, that is key and that is what matters at any given moment in time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to obsess over recalling every single tiny detail of a memory – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe this is actually possible, as if the memory only happened hours ago or the day before.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to simply slow down, breathe as well as I can at any given moment in time so that I can recall memories and/or do what I have to do generally to the best of my ability and then leave that as is, as a conclusion. Only LATER can I perhaps improve on this, but here I am going through changes/learning so I am constantly changing/improving myself and how I do things and so that is a given that I can possibly improve my work.

So here I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can basically ignore the learning process and just be ‘amazing’ at something right from the start, when this is simply not the case, it is unrealistic, it is a lack of patience.

I commit myself to be patient within my change/improvement as life and simply just add things as I go along to what I do.

I commit myself to perform to my utmost potential at any given moment in time so that I within this instantly am aware that I am giving my best of what I currently know as who I am here, and NOT be concerned with who/what I COULD be in future, even if in near future. So here I commit myself to gleefully accept/take onboard changes/improvements I can make to myself and thus all that I do as life, day by day, week by week, year by year.

When and as I see myself concerned that I am not doing the best job that I can do in something, I stop and breathe. I realise that I am doing the best job I can do, and that believing I can be anything ‘more’ or do ‘more’ is the mind’s way of not accepting who/what I am in and as that physical moment in time. So thus I commit myself to accept that what I am as the physical in any given moment is ALL that I am. I am nothing more and nothing less.

Tuesday, 27 September 2016

Day 603 - Doubting the power of writing/self-forgiveness

There has been one particular huge point for myself that I’ve had a difficult time overcoming/making large amounts of progress with to release this point. I’m talking a few years here. So within this few years, I’ve been writing it out/writing self-forgiveness, which has helped quite a bit, but not to the point of releasing the point fully/even near fully.

In the last year I’ve written about it here and there, but it has not assisted really. Only recently have I, on advice from another, simply been writing more, and here I’ve been writing about this point more, as in, A LOT, like quite a lot per day/week, different fragments within the huge point. And no, not only self-forgiveness, also just writing it out, writing out the thoughts, the patterns, which is still a massive help I realise.

So what I’ve realised is if I were consistent, thorough, deep with my writings – this point would not have been so huge for me at this point in time. Already in the last month I’ve written a lot about it and have seen massive and genuine progress to release myself from this point.

So another thing I’ve realised is that it was never about writing itself/self-forgiveness  itself as the ‘issue’ – but simply about MYSELF and how I was using it, or in this case NOT using it, so me not using it to potential/as I could have been was the only factor in me not making giant strides forward to overcome this point/release it.

And it is simple. Writing is so simple. Self-forgiveness is simple. And it’s all so effective. So my advice to anyone in the same boat as me, is to just write the fuck out of a point. Write all day if that’s what it takes. Write as many entries/topics/titles per day as possible. And it does not matter if it’s not self-forgiveness specifically, because any writing will help, guaranteed, but remember, as I have realised, to be consistent/thorough/deep all the time. ALWAYS.

Because this is when results and actual progress of change will be seen. Never give up. The tools are with you, so simply change your starting point of using the tools so that the effect is maximised ten-fold. Enjoy!

Saturday, 24 September 2016

Day 602 - Am I directed by fear as the mind, or by genuine knowledge/information/know-how as genuine research and investigation?

I have seen how a lot of the time when it comes to things, actually, mainly in regards to possible diseases and illnesses and symptoms and side effects, that I am doing so based on fear within avoidance.

Like eating habits, I am so fearful that I’ll get blah blah blah, so I don’t eat that, instead I try to eat healthy – fruit/vegetables. OBVIOUSLY this is a GREAT thing in terms of my own physical body/health/benefit, but there is a huge difference between doing so based on FEAR and doing so based on HEALTH AND BENEFIT.

If I for instance eat healthy and avoid certain foods and/or in certain amounts as fear, then I have obviously NOT cleared anything within me, so this is still controlling me, this fear. Whereas if I clear this fear, then it is simple and there is no movement within me. I make the wise choice here. I eat healthy. And/or I eat no/only minor/irregular amounts of ‘other’ foods.

It should be a clear decision, whatever one I make. As in I know why I’m doing it, what I’m getting myself into, what will happen to my body etc, because I’ve investigated/researched.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions based on fear programming in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is fine to be directed by fear, because in the end, I still make the ‘same’ decision in terms of avoiding something in favour of something ‘better’ for me/my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it’s fine to have fear movement/energy within me and that I can make use of it for my benefit.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that ANY energy within me MUST be stopped, otherwise I am not making physical/reality based decisions/clear decisions whereas I know why I’m doing it, what will happen etc.

I commit myself to research/investigate so that I KNOW of the reality of something, rather than just leaving it to fear which is just lack of research/investigation.

When and as I see myself desiring to make decisions whereas I KNOW it is based on FEAR, I stop and breathe. I stop here and reassess the situation, because I know that making decisions as fear, although ‘can’ be appropriate, are NOT clear/stable as the physical, so they are veiled in fear, as opposed to being clear/stable as I can actually see within proper/thorough research/investigation. So thus I commit myself to do my research/investigation THOROUGHLY and appropriately on topics and such so that I know I am doing what is best for all.

Within this, I commit myself not to see research/investigation as ‘tedious’ or ‘slow’ or ‘time-consuming’ – here I see, realise and understand that research/investigation, although does take time, will leave me in the best position possible, thus I commit myself to give time to myself for my benefit to be able to make genuine and informed decisions as what is best for all.

Saturday, 17 September 2016

Day 601 - Gossiping

I see that I’ve engaged in gossiping. Because there are things I say to one about another, which I would not want to/don’t want to say to another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gossip about others to one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to talk about others in a negative way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed off energy of secrecy and secrets when gossiping and within this, feeling positive energy/rush within myself by doing this ‘in private’ and/or behind closed doors with another.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to place myself in the shoes of the person being gossiped about whereas this is not a pleasant thing to know of and/or hear if I were to know/hear of it/others speaking negatively about me.

When and as I see myself desiring to gossip because I enjoy the ‘rush’ within positive energy/secrecy/secrets and ‘not getting caught’ – I stop and breathe. I realise that this apparent ‘rush’ of energy within apparent ‘positivity’ as ‘feeling good’ is at the expense of REALITY of the situation of talking about another negatively, in a hurtful way, in an unpleasant way, in an offensive way – thus I commit myself to only play to the reality of the situation, and here thus I don’t gossip, because it is purely negative/hurtful/unpleasant/offensive – and the positive energetic rush is not real, it originates in my mind, it’s temporary, it’s egocentric.

Monday, 12 September 2016

Day 600 - Fear that breathing will change all decisions I have made and will make

This came about because I had taken a photo of myself and later on after breathing, well actually, yes. After breathing, I saw that I looked shocked/scared/fearful in my eyes, so I wanted to breathe, as I did and take another photo of myself. NOW, this is later on, when I feared that because this breath ALTERED my perception, that everything I’ve done basically and for the most part has NOT been in breath.

So I have not breathed multiple times before doing ANYTHING lol. But this is not what breath is for. Breath is for bringing myself back to my physical body WHEN AND IF I am in my mind. AND EVEN THEN, it’s not a life-changing thing. Now I am not disregarding/disrespecting the amazing power of breath here, all I’m saying is that it does not and will not make me change my decisions/choices regarding ALL that I do now lol.

So this is a funny fear I had last night. Breath is simple, it’s for bringing myself back. So in said photo I looked fearful/scared/occupied. Maybe I was trying too hard with the photo. I didn’t allow myself to flow/be stable through breath or generally. So I did it again and was happy with the results.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that breath is a simple movement for BRINGING myself back to my physical body and to get OUT of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe breath will CHANGE ALL that I do, decisions I make, paths that I take as if I were a completely different person, which is untrue totally.

I commit myself to utilise breath for simple but EFFECTIVE reasons of bringing myself back to my physical body in the times of REQUIREMENT.

I commit myself not to see breath as any more than that.

Thursday, 8 September 2016

Day 599 - Home based activities

When people ask me what I’m doing on a weekend for instance, I usually only speak of the things such as going out, socialising with others. Or even studying. Like things that people ‘look up to’ lol, which I find funny now. Generally people like to spend weekend doing the things they love/enjoy, and that for the ‘average’ person is spending time with others. So if I am doing nothing or have nothing planned (lol there I go again, ‘nothing’ because I plan to stay home) then I just say “not much” usually.

But there’s nothing at all wrong with usual home based activities. Even if I do them daily, or during the week. It’s not a requirement to be with others all weekend etc or when I have ‘free time’ or do this or that, study, work etc. And so I’m here forgiving myself for seeing home based activities as not worth saying/noting because I see them as too common, boring, samey or average.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see home based activities/being at home on the weekend/any day as boring, average, common, repetitive, lame.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to say what I am doing, even if at home, because I see being at home as a negative thing, when in reality it’s simply another place to be, with multiple methods of enjoyment/things to do, just as is being outdoors and/or with others, just different forms for different needs/wants and that is fine.

When and as I see myself feeling ‘bad’ or ‘guilty’ for staying home/doing home based activities on a weekend/when someone asks me, I stop and breathe. I realise that it’s NOT a requirement to go outdoors and be with others etc on any day or at any time etc. I realise that it’s 100% fine and appropriate to stay home, to do what I like doing at home, even if I do it often or commonly, because the fact is I like doing it/enjoy doing it, and that is all I myself require – it does not matter if another sees it differently/sees what I do as boring/repetitive/tedious/common etc.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that home based activities and/or being at home is JUST as cool, equally, as anything outdoors and/or with others – it’s just a different form/method of enjoyment, of doing, of acting, of saying, of speaking etc. Thus I commit myself not to judge myself at all for doing home based activities/enjoying them. I commit myself to continue doing what I enjoy/I like to do, no matter the location, who/what is involved etc.