Tuesday, 19 January 2016
Day 545 - THAT matches what I want
I see how when I seek a perspective/assistance/support from another, and the perspective/assistance/support 'matches' what it is that I WANTED to hear, then I'll usually heed that perspective/assistance/support. But on the other hand, if I seek for these things from another and it's NOT what I wanted to hear, then I'll just KEEP searching for perspectives/assistance/support until I hear another tell me something that matches the want that I want to hear/have.
So, that's not on.
And with receiving perspectives/assistance/support that I wanted to hear, I see how I can and have used that as an excuse/reason before. Like "Well, I'm doing it this way, because that is what I heard from another, and they said this worked for them."
When in reality, it was ALWAYS something that I wanted to do, but hearing another actually say/do a similar thing, that was like the justification that it's all good to do this thing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek a perspective/assistance/support from another purely for the reason of hearing what I WANT to hear, so that I can justify doing that thing/behaviour, just because another did the same, and so me believing that then it's okay to do, because another did it and it may/may not have worked for them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continually seek perspectives/assistance/support and only stop seeking when I hear something that I want to hear/that I can do and then use this as justification for why I'm doing it.
So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek perspectives/assistance/support purely from the starting point of ONLY actually heeding it IF it is what I want/wanted to hear - and within this, basically dismissing perspectives/assistance/support if it is something that I did not want to hear/that I believe is useless.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dismiss perspectives/assistance/support if it is something that I don't want to hear/something that doesn't match what it is that I actually wanted to hear and/or something that I believe is useless.
When and as I see myself desiring to ask for perspectives/assistance/support basically with an ulterior motive behind/as the starting point, because in fact what I'm searching for is 'fuel' for what it is I want to do/I believe is true, I stop and breathe. I realise that I must ask for perspectives/assistance/support from the starting point of 'seeking' and that is all. It is a means of gathering extra information/knowledge so that I can then assist myself/others in the best way possible. Seeking perspectives/assistance/support and only heeding the perspectives/assistance/support that I want to hear is pointless, because in doing so I fail to as a stable being, gather and hear out properly all the perspectives/assistance/support to be able to make an informed decision.
I commit myself to seek perspectives/assistance/support from the starting point of SEEKING by understanding that what I want to do may/may not be appropriate to do, which is actually why I'm seeking perspectives/assistance/support in the first place.
I commit myself to hear out ALL perspectives/assistance/support that I hear/read, no matter if it's what I want to hear or not, because by doing so I can really look at all that I've heard/read to then come to the best possible outcome.
I commit myself not to trap myself exclusively into my own box of what I see is best/what I want to do - within and as 'me, me, me'.
I commit myself to see, realise and understand that all perspectives/assistance/support are valuable in one way or another.
When and as I see myself asking for perspectives/assistance/support and I hear/read something that I have resistance to and so I desire to automatically dismiss it because of the resistance I feel, I stop and breathe. I commit myself to identify/explore this resistance, because in fact this means of information could be/be a part of the best outcome/route that I could take. So I commit myself to explore/write out why I don't like what this perspective/assistance/support is saying, because it could just be I'm too fearful of doing this thing/acting this way/taking this route because of emotions/feelings/thoughts/memories.