Friday, 18 March 2016

Day 554 - 'chore' redefinition

noun: chore; plural noun: chores

a routine task, especially a household one.
"her illness made even daily chores like shopping difficult"

a tedious but necessary task.
"he sees interviews as a chore"

I, like most others have always had a hatred towards chores. For me, as per the definition above, mostly to do with household tasks/requirements - such as washing dishes, washing clothes, taking out the rubbish, cooking etc. In my life I Had always seen these things as tedious/boring/irritating and in the end NOT FUN.

I've come a long way in this regard. These things that I once hated/found boring/not fun, I now like doing these things. It is a physical movement, which is ALWAYS a cool thing. So anything, washing clothes/dishes, taking out rubbish - they give me an opportunity to move my body and do something effective. Something effective that is necessary to do. I need to wash my clothes, I need to wash the dishes. Otherwise I allow mould to exist for instance and/or I create an unhygienic environment for myself and others - that is unacceptable.

So actually, I see it as cool to change that wording I used above from NEED to WANT. Because I don't necessarily NEED to do those things, for me, the NEED implies CHORE. So, I WANT to do these things, for the same reasons though, to be hygienic for myself/others, to create a clean environment etc. I want to wash my clothes, I want to wash dishes, I want to take out the rubbish.

So, 'chore' could also be applied to work. Because for most work is seen as boring, not fun, a waste of time. Work = survival here though - and I have learnt from others that work does not have to be boring/not fun/a waste of time - and that it can be fun/enjoyable. It is another physical movement type of experience, which is cool of course. It's an opportunity to assist others, to learn for oneself, there are many cool things that can happen from/as work.

So currently a 'chore' is a routine task and a tedious but necessary task. I'd like to redefine 'chore' as an opportunity for physical movement to the benefit of oneself and others.

Friday, 11 March 2016

Day 553 - Reaction to feedback part 2

When and as I see myself receiving ANY type of feedback and I desire to participate within and as anger/hatred/resentment/take it personally, I stop and breathe. I realise that all of these emotions/beliefs are self-created within my mind and so I have been living as these emotions/beliefs such as I should be angry, or I should take it personally - when in fact these are not at all based on reality/what is here physically. I commit myself to make sure that I am aware in the moment that any energy comes up as resistance towards feedback, and I then commit myself to stop and direct my physical self to not participate within that energy and to instead just read/hear the feedback as words, because they are but words. Words and letters. And I commit myself to see/hear these words and letters and then to check with myself/others on whether these words/letters are relevant to change as feedback so that I can then either improve/learn from these words/letters and/or shrug/ignore the words/letters if they are unnecessary/I do not actually need these particular words/letters to change anything as feedback for myself.

Monday, 7 March 2016

Day 552 - Reaction to feedback

I got feedback from others on some work that I submitted. I felt anger inside of myself when reading the 'long' list of feedback that pointed out what I may/may not/may need to change to improve my work. When I initially posted this work, I didn't expect such a long list of feedback, and feedback telling me what I may/may not/should alter.

So I'm reading this feedback from others on my work and I FEEL like others are 'having a go at me' / making it personal towards me. It's not that at all in reality. I mean, initially along with this work that I submitted, I specifically asked for feedback, I specifically asked for ANY feedback, positive/negative (although feedback is just feedback, it's not positive/negative in the first place). And I also stated that any feedback would assist me greatly.

So as I said earlier, for starters I didn't 'expect' this much feedback in terms of changing things. I expected perhaps a few notes of feedback on what to change. And also I've ignored the feedback that says what I did well/correctly. But that is the mind for you, just looking at the 'bad' stuff, the supposed 'bad' stuff, the supposed 'negative' stuff.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react angrily towards others' feedback towards my work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this feedback from others is a DIRECT and PERSONAL attack on who I am/what I am and just generally about me in totality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to flow totally towards the feedback that tells me what I can/should improve on, as opposed to the feedback that states the things I did well/correctly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect very few feedback from others.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to direct myself INSTANTLY within the moment to accepting this feedback, WHATEVER it may be, and then using it to improve my work/myself as I said I initially would when wanting this feedback.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by this feedback.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself negatively for this feedback from others.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to turn this feedback into better work/a better me for the present as well as the future.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that whilst I was doing this work, there WERE some things that I was unsure of/how to do, so I ignored them, and there were some things that didn't work for me, and so feedback, no matter how much must be expected here, it just depends on who is giving the feedback and how much more they know of this work that I do, because clearly others have a better idea/use of this work than I do - but again this does not define them or myself, nor does it separate us, it is knowledge and information and it's up to me to direct it and learn from it and grow.

More to come.

Sunday, 6 March 2016

Day 551 - Redefining 'confidence'

noun: confidence
1. the feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something.
"we had every confidence in the staff"

the state of feeling certain about the truth of something.
"I can say with confidence that I have never before driven up this street"

a feeling of self-assurance arising from an appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.
"she's brimming with confidence"

The one I wanted to approach here is the third definition that I've written: a feeling of self-assurance arising from an appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.
Though with all of these definitions, they are all feelings/beliefs about something/self.

I had been the complete opposite: SHY. For most of my life I had been shy. I was never confident. And I always admired the 'confidence' of others. I envied them. And any chance to socialise with these 'remarkable' individuals..was a god send to me lol. I was almost shocked that they would even consider hanging out with me. I was shy and so I was 'not cool'. These are the beliefs I had growing up/even in recent times.

So, appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities. What are my abilities/qualities? Well within and as my process with Desteni, MANY great abilities/qualities have been created/evolved. Kindness has increased ten-fold, respect as well, consideration of ALL life forms has been created etc. But I don't see me as appreciating these abilities/qualities. I DO appreciate how they came to me! Desteni is how they came to me/my use of the tools. I am eternally grateful for Desteni/the tools Desteni provides.

I mean, these abilities/qualities, newfound or not, they are me and I am them - that is all. I see the 'appreciating' happening more in terms of something external/given to me for instance.

Also in the definition, a feeling of self-assurance arising from appreciation of abilities/qualities. So obviously I can remove the 'feeling' part. Self-assurance from appreciation of what I am/have become. For me, the self-assurance has been created within my Desteni process. It goes hand in hand with my learning/growing/creating of what it means to be LIFE.

So I see that I already have (and still learning) abilities/qualities and also already have (and still learning) self-assurance. I am self-assured though that this is the best path that I/any can take - that is certain.

So then what is my new definition of confidence as what is best for all? I would say it's the ability/quality to STEP UP to the plate so speak. To speak up as well. Speak up in times of need for self/others. It is to go through life 'elegantly'..that meaning also 'naturally' - to see that no obstacles exist, other than the obstacles of the mind. Also, it's not to 'talk the most.' I had also previously saw confidence as being the one that talks the most. You know, in social situations, there is usually the one that talks almost non-stop and/or loudly, what I used to call the 'life of the party.'

And I've put pressure upon myself to talk more, to talk the most in social situations, otherwise label myself as not confident and/or shy. Something I've seen a lot in people generally but moreso in people that talk constantly/loudly, they don't allow another/anyone else to have a say. That is obviously not cool. We all have a right so speak. We all want a turn/an opportunity to say something.

So yes, confidence for me now is to self-assured. Self-assured that all I do/am becoming is best, which I know is true. And myself only exclusively directing me - my physical self/body, and so not emotions/feelings/thoughts. If I am here/me as the physical, then NOTHING can stop me from interacting, from communicating, from socialising, from etc. And confidence is to breathe through the moments/resistances of the mind. Because of course I've NOT overcome the mind, not by a long shot, but I can keep up the self-assurance/exist as the self-assurance/self-assured me by breathing and so staying as what I am as the physical.

Saturday, 5 March 2016

Day 550 - No dependencies, no withdrawal symptoms

The problem is we create dependencies on everything/everyone. We always look to something/someone - whether it's for enjoyment/help etc. Not saying here that it's not a healthy thing to have enjoyment/get help with assistance/with others, no, but when it's constant and the mindset is of only THIS/THAT can make me feel better/a certain way..then that is not healthy. Because we can't guarantee that these dependencies can stay with us.

That can be anything. People come and go out of our lives for whatever reason. Maybe certain brands of food or vitamins that we depend on - a specific brand that we attach to, and now that for whatever reason that brand has stopped selling this product..we may have to change brands and get that version of product. Being strict with dependencies is unhealthy.

If you've got your health, you're alive - then hey, that's the best thing we can have in life..even being able to be here in existence. Having my own body is all I need, really. Am I dependent on my body then? Well, yes. I'm fortunate to have a body that functions well. A lot of other people have bodies that do not function well and/or not to 100% working functionality. Broken bones, pains, sicknesses. But even then, we are obviously still here on Earth and have a means of BEING here at all - so that is something we can't take for granted.

I depend on my body and my life. And that is why I don't get withdrawal symptoms. Because I will always have this while I am alive. As I said, it can get weaker, it can change - but it will still be here if it is! And that is the greatest gift I could ask for/depend on - my body, my life and my health to be here typing this and to move physically and to help others and to do all the things I can do in this physical body. Other things and people can of course assist me/add to enjoyment, but that is all - it's to not go over that line and into the realms of dependent on those people/those things, because they may not be here tomorrow.

Lesson here that I've learnt of course is to purely depend on myself and appreciate/accept myself/my life/my body and be so grateful that I am here and have a chance to alter the lives of many for the best/for the future of mankind/animal kind - all kindness.

Thursday, 3 March 2016

Day 549 - Working with attraction

I feel like it's easier to socialise with males, because I don't 'have' to participate within this game of attraction. In saying that, it would depend on the preferences, the sexual preferences of one. But for me I am attracted to females, not males. And it's when I am in the vicinity with females that I see could be 'suitable' for myself in terms of partner/sex - they are the times, and there are lots of these times, when I participate within this attraction game and personality within myself.

It's something that is not helpful for me/anyone. I don't want to participate as this attraction personality/character. I want to remain a stable being and a being that is a singular form, not a changing form/personality/character based on who/what is involved. Of course I should be able to be in any situation and not feel the need to alter personalities/characters to 'suit' the occasion. In this instance of 'suiting' the occasion, this 'suiting' is based on a whole lot of brainwashing and patterns within and as attraction/sex/flirting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enter personalities/characters of attraction/sex/flirting when I see a 'compatible' partner as a female in my vicinity/that I socialise with.

I forgive myself that I Have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that I do NOT have to play this game of attraction/sex/flirting at all - though because I HAVE played this game from birth, it's well and truly pre/programmed into and as me and so it seems difficult to not play into the hands (minds) of these games.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if someone shows signs of attraction/flirting towards me, that I have to return the favour and so play the game.
Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret certain movements/tones as a form of attraction/flirting.

When and as I see myself desiring to participate within the character/personality and so participate within the game of attraction/sex/flirting, I stop and breathe. I realise that any movements/change to a 'different' me/version of me is the instant real time sign that I am not HERE within and as my physical body, and that I am in fact too busy participating within my mind and so emotions/feelings/thoughts/games with myself and others. I commit myself to be aware of any movements towards a different version of myself.

I commit myself not to play the game of attraction/sex/flirting with others, because that is separation of who I actually am/should be as a physical being here.

I commit myself to remain here as my physical self when in the vicinity of females that I see are 'compatible' by having a look at them and seeing them just as myself, simply as another human body, albeit with differing features.

I commit myself not to be directed by 'differing features' of females and use that as incentive/reason/justification to play the game within my mind of attraction/sex/flirting.

I commit myself to stop separating males and females by their differing features. Features do not define a person at all.