Sunday, 6 March 2016

Day 551 - Redefining 'confidence'

noun: confidence
1. the feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something.
"we had every confidence in the staff"

the state of feeling certain about the truth of something.
"I can say with confidence that I have never before driven up this street"

a feeling of self-assurance arising from an appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.
"she's brimming with confidence"

The one I wanted to approach here is the third definition that I've written: a feeling of self-assurance arising from an appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.
Though with all of these definitions, they are all feelings/beliefs about something/self.

I had been the complete opposite: SHY. For most of my life I had been shy. I was never confident. And I always admired the 'confidence' of others. I envied them. And any chance to socialise with these 'remarkable' individuals..was a god send to me lol. I was almost shocked that they would even consider hanging out with me. I was shy and so I was 'not cool'. These are the beliefs I had growing up/even in recent times.

So, appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities. What are my abilities/qualities? Well within and as my process with Desteni, MANY great abilities/qualities have been created/evolved. Kindness has increased ten-fold, respect as well, consideration of ALL life forms has been created etc. But I don't see me as appreciating these abilities/qualities. I DO appreciate how they came to me! Desteni is how they came to me/my use of the tools. I am eternally grateful for Desteni/the tools Desteni provides.

I mean, these abilities/qualities, newfound or not, they are me and I am them - that is all. I see the 'appreciating' happening more in terms of something external/given to me for instance.

Also in the definition, a feeling of self-assurance arising from appreciation of abilities/qualities. So obviously I can remove the 'feeling' part. Self-assurance from appreciation of what I am/have become. For me, the self-assurance has been created within my Desteni process. It goes hand in hand with my learning/growing/creating of what it means to be LIFE.

So I see that I already have (and still learning) abilities/qualities and also already have (and still learning) self-assurance. I am self-assured though that this is the best path that I/any can take - that is certain.

So then what is my new definition of confidence as what is best for all? I would say it's the ability/quality to STEP UP to the plate so speak. To speak up as well. Speak up in times of need for self/others. It is to go through life 'elegantly'..that meaning also 'naturally' - to see that no obstacles exist, other than the obstacles of the mind. Also, it's not to 'talk the most.' I had also previously saw confidence as being the one that talks the most. You know, in social situations, there is usually the one that talks almost non-stop and/or loudly, what I used to call the 'life of the party.'

And I've put pressure upon myself to talk more, to talk the most in social situations, otherwise label myself as not confident and/or shy. Something I've seen a lot in people generally but moreso in people that talk constantly/loudly, they don't allow another/anyone else to have a say. That is obviously not cool. We all have a right so speak. We all want a turn/an opportunity to say something.

So yes, confidence for me now is to self-assured. Self-assured that all I do/am becoming is best, which I know is true. And myself only exclusively directing me - my physical self/body, and so not emotions/feelings/thoughts. If I am here/me as the physical, then NOTHING can stop me from interacting, from communicating, from socialising, from etc. And confidence is to breathe through the moments/resistances of the mind. Because of course I've NOT overcome the mind, not by a long shot, but I can keep up the self-assurance/exist as the self-assurance/self-assured me by breathing and so staying as what I am as the physical.

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