Monday, 25 April 2016

Day 559 - Enjoying life without energy

I have this belief that basically people as the mind and so as energy have more fun and enjoy life/activities more. And in the end just enjoy life more.
As I get further into my process, and so further into and as the physical body, I've been able to see how huge the role of energy is when people both converse and move with themselves and one another. I've noticed how almost EVERY single thing that comes out of one's mouth is backed by energy.

There is an emotion or feeling attached to it. Or a disregard for life. Or an opinion. Or all of these combined. It's actually quite fascinating and interesting.
I'll give some context for this now and how this came about. I was at a sporting event with others, a large crowd, some 60,000 people. The passion is EXTREME by basically each in the stadium. But with passion comes anger. They are one in the same as the mind from what I've seen. On that note we must keep the passion, but minus the anger/any emotion/feeling.

Anyway, dependent on how one's team/the players were going, differing emotions/feelings are shown by individuals. A lot of shouting, swearing, and then applause, glee, happiness. Then sadness. Then anger. Each being exclusively affected by what is happening in the sporting stadium.
And then there was me who was able to keep calm, relaxed and stable among these energies around me.

But it was within this that I believed myself to not be having 'as good a time' as others. And something I've noticed again in my process is people LOVE to feed off eachother's energy. It's like "YEAH, I'M ANGRY AND SO ARE YOU! LET'S USE THIS ANGER TO FEEL ALIVE!" Lol that's how I see it. Not just anger of course, whatever emotion/feeling - whatever energy in general. And so I wasn't in this moment at the sporting stadium as energy. I did applaud occasionally for the team that I somewhat followed and made a few comments that were 'clear' in the sense of when an obvious mistake happened or something good happened, but that was it. On the inside I was calm as a...*enter calm thing here*

So for me, I saw it as not easy to participate within this all. It is literally like a wall of energy. So what are my options here? Obviously I'm not going to take on an energetic persona/the me of old as energy/the mind, that is backtracking and being self-dishonest. I see that it's appropriate to just watch the match and participate as the physical when I see I can/necessary and that's it. Obviously allow others to participate as energy/as the mind as they please/as all they know and accept that.

This is bringing up a lot for me now. But I want to write it out. So this is where this particular pointed stemmed from. But as I mentioned, I see this time in, time out. It's not just sporting events where emotions/feelings/the mind/energy plays a role, no, it's EVERYWHERE and EVERYWHEN. For me personally, I must first accept this, because this is what is here now. There IS energy all around me and people DO LOVE to feed off one another's energy - this is what I've come to see/realise and this WILL NOT change.

For me, I contribute/participate when I can/how I can obviously AS the physical, as stability, as an EXAMPLE to others - and within this yes that can mean that I do not necessarily participate 'as much' as the energy does around me, but that is fine.

Another thing I've noticed is as the physical, as stability, it's VERY EASY to get RIGHT to the point of something. This is like some awesome-magic ability! Seriously. It is because I am not blinded by energy at all. So I can get to the point of something/the bottom of something without having to 'talk it out' for instance with another, and that 'talking out' usually consists of you guessed it, ENERGY. I'm sure all Destonians have witnessed this themselves.

It is a super power.

Coming back a bit here, do I have as much fun, do I enjoy life as much when and as the physical/without energy compared to another who IS energy? I see that I am STILL coming to terms with living/enjoying WITHOUT energy - I am in transit. THAT is why. And self-forgiveness here will assist me in getting through transit here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I require ENERGY to ENJOY and to have FUN with not only myself, but with others.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that once I am through transit, that being the place between energy and the physical, what others do as energy will NOT phase me, it will NOT effect me, why, because I will be HERE as the physical and so as stability, as enjoyment - already, I will live these things as me instead of SEEKING THEM through ENERGY as others do as ENERGY.

When and as I see myself amongst people who are obviously feeding one another as energy and I feel like I can't 'participate' because I am NOT energy, I stop and breathe. I realise that I CAN still enjoy and WILL still enjoy but of course not as energy, as the PHYSICAL - because as the PHYSICAL, I don't need/do not require to rely on external happenings to FEED ME, to SATISFY ME, including the MIND.
So I commit myself to practice this as being in social situations and of a PHYSICAL being/body here - that is all, and within this, I commit myself to see, realise and understand that this is what/who I am, I am no more and no less, and so enjoy the moment, enjoy the spectacle at hand.

These sporting events specifically, I mean obviously these players participating in these sports are energy.
For me in the end, and well as the starting point, it's to enjoy the spectacle/the skill on show. That is it, really. I mean for now as most are energy, it's to participate without energy. And it's something I will work on as I mentioned. I look forward to this challenge.

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